HELP!!! Any moms out there currently going through puberty w/ a daughter?

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Don't give up on her! I know: emotions, "I hate you's," glares. I get them all. She is sweet with everyone but family, especially me. That means she is most comfortable with me because she knows she can be a real stinker and I will still love her. My one saving grace is that I know she loves Jesus and she loves me and we'll make it through.



Some things I have tried, with some success:



When she is in a "good place," I help her recognize what is going on so she can find somewhere to go to get a break from us. (We homeschool so her younger sister is always around.) Late at night, when it's dark and she's in bed, she tends to be willing to talk to me. We discuss the problems of the day, how she's feeling, what I can do to help, what SHE can do to help, ways to tackle problems in a different way.



I give her lots of hugs whenever she is in a good mood (she pushes away when she's mad) in hopes she will feel them during the lonely times.



I TRY not to criticize. No comments on hair, wardrobe, other things she is feeling sensitive about. But I do help her with her hair, or picking out outfits, when she asks, even when she will not like what I do or choose. She still WANTS me to help. I have to not take it personally.



I write her love and appreciation notes. I tell her what about her makes me proud, what I enjoy about her, how much I like being with her, how I see she's growing up. I know she reads these when she is upset, even if she would never admit it.



I set limits. You can be angry but not mean. Upset but not rude. Frustrated but not disrespectful. You are welcome to come out of your room and join the family when you can be KIND.



I tell her to recognize that her emotions are normal. That she's a little girl changing into a young woman, and the little girl wants to be taken care of but the young woman wants things her own way. (Don't we all?!)



I got her a little candle in a jar and have poured a bath for her, put on the candle in the tub, turned on a favorite CD. She needs to learn how to pull herself from these moods, because it may be a lifetime of emotions similar to these. Like babies, if we can self-soothe, it's so much better! Some things work sometimes and not others, so keep trying!



Blessings to you! When you have success with something with your daughter, be sure to come back and share it!

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Danielle - posted on 04/24/2013

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Lana, I have a 9 yr old daughter who has been going through puberty for almost 2 years. The only thing she lacks is a period, but doc said that could start anytime. It's tough. But the important thing is to let her know that it's normal, just all girls are different. Woman in our family are early starters. Having myself and a few female relatives relate stories helped her understand more.
Lots of hugs and PATIENCE (imagine a 9yr old with PMS) is the key.

Yvonne - posted on 03/13/2009

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Hello Lara, I do I have 1 14 yr girl and 19 girl, So i understand. Sam went through the i know everything, and if she had homework and wanted to go with friends,well work first and i would hear your ruining my life, but after gr 12 graduation she came to me and realized it was for her own good and not being mean. it will pass, hang in there. Now Becca she complete opposite she dont want to go out with friends but she dont want to do homework at all, and cause she didnt do it as asked no money for text on the phone, so lil consiquences help to, now she's doing homework with me asking is there any to do. all girls go through it just hold on and have patience it will pass. sam and i get along alot better now. Yvonne :)

Jennifer - posted on 03/13/2009

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hey i am going thourgh the same thing my daughter is 15 years old all i did was take it one day at a time and i also ask my dr any question that i had she was a big help to

Julie - posted on 03/13/2009

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My daughter starter her period when she was eleven right before Christmas last year. I thought oh no here we go, but I have been pleasantly surprised. It seemed like something changed in her for the positive instead of the negative that comes with their hormone changes. She is much more affectionate now, loves to tell me about her day, and shares all her secrets with me. Something before she never did. I guess you can say I am blessed. To her it is just another thing she has to deal with and she does this with such grace. Be patient with your daughter. Keep that open communication with her and let her come to you. Show her you were once a child too so you understand what she is going through. Allow her hormones to adjust to her and she will come around eventually.

Heidi - posted on 03/11/2009

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You are not alone! I thought the terrible 2 tantrums were hectic - it's nothing compaired to this!

Talon - posted on 03/11/2009

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My daughter started getting pubic hair a year ago, has needed to wear a bra for the past two years and is 5'1 with a size 9 womens shoe - and she's only NINE years old!!! Which makes it interesting for school.  :S

Dana - posted on 03/11/2009

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Remember how you felt when you were that age. Think about how your mother handled it and why you acted the way you did and what you felt you wanted at that time.

Wendalyn - posted on 03/11/2009

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puberty with a girl.



that's an interesting subject.



i have a 9yr old on that verge. if you got a suggestion i'd surely love to hear it.

Jennifer - posted on 03/11/2009

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That was great advice Lisa! I will say that having a daughter that is 13 is not only the most challenging event in my life but also the most rewarding. I am raising her alone (she has never met her bio-father) but thankfully has my dad and grandfather as role models. I can remember when we went through the pre-pubescent year (or so), it all seemed to get better when she started her monthly cycle - almost like a geyser releasing! She still gets those "moods" but she is much easier to handle. I think that by allowing them the ability to express their emotions in a proper manner is one key to getting through this tough time. I have tried to make sure that I MAKE time to spend with her doing something SHE enjoys when she is in a good mood and then when she is in a rough mood we can relate a little bit better. I agree with Lisa, it is important that we let them know that their emotions are normal, although there are limits and boundaries in expressing them, and we need to let them make some decisions (hair, outfits, ect) so they learn how to make good choices. My daily conversations with God have definitely helped me keep my sanity!! Making sure we listen to what they have to say (without judgement) and praise them when good things happen go a VERY long way. Keep the faith! It gets better!!

Natasha - posted on 03/11/2009

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Oh yah!!  My oldest is the posterchild for pubescent girls!! Mood swings,  she thinks she knows everything, she has lied and said she was at one friends house then went to anothers for the night, interested in boys, talking back, refusing to do her chores etc....and I have 6 more girls to go.  I am starting to wish I had boys!!!!

Tara - posted on 03/11/2009

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Yep, and I am not liking it at all! Goodness, the moods alone are enough to make me want to move out!

And to think I have 2 other daughters to go through this as well...

YIKES!

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