Help...blended family with behavior issues

Shawna - posted on 09/07/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I need some help, I am a stay at home mom with 2 girls. My oldest is 4 turning 5 and she is biologically mine. My bf has a daughter who is 3, I have been in her life sense she has been 6 months old. Sense she was 2 we or I should say I have been having a lot of issues with her behavior. Her father does not see anything wrong with the way she acts he says that she is little and there is nothing that can be done. She yells at everyone none stop, she cries almost 99% of the day, she uses horrible language, she gets very physical when she is upset(ie.hitting,kicking,slapping etc.),she is rude to us and her friends, she refuses to share anything, she hurts our dog for no reason, She bullies my daughter all the time to the point of my oldest daughter will end up in tears and scared. the list goes on and on. I have been working with a child therapist to help me deal with her. I have been told to put her in time out, her room, take toys away, take her bike away etc. and none of it works for her. the answer I get from her when she looses a toy is "oh well daddy buy me new one" She has been telling me sense she has been 2 that she doesnt have to listen to me. My oldest daughter went threw a hard time when she was 2 but it didnt last long and she understood that with that behavior she lost her toys,went to time out or her room. She would never disrespect my bf in anyway. She calls him dad and looks up to him. Where our other daughter disrespects me on daily basis, she calls me fat, a bitch, a dirty mommy, etc my bf does nothing about it. He says that she is little and doesnt know better. If she askes me for something and she doesnt like my answer she runs straight to her dad and cries. if she gets in trouble during the day she will wait at the door till he gets home to ask him for whatever toy she has lost during the day, so before i can even get to him to tell him he has already said YES and given it to her and when i tell him to take it away he says he cant that is just mean. my bf works 7 days a week so when he is home i would like the time he spends with my girls equal time but our 3 year old freaks out on her dad if he pays any attention to my oldest daughter. We went threw a period where our 3 year old would make her dad ask her if it was ok for him to hug me or kiss me. I believed that was insanity and told him if he continued to allow her to rule his life I was going to pack up and go. I understand that we are blended family and we will have ups and downs but to me this is just crazy. I use to love being a stay at home mom but now I am ready to go back to work. My oldest is starting school next week and feel that maybe seeing as though our 3 year old wont listen to me she would do better in daycare. I dont know:( please any answers would help on how to make this better for me and my children.

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Michelle - posted on 09/07/2012

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I think it may be time for you to get a job and put her in daycare. One of two things is going to happen they will teach her what is acceptable behavior or they will be constantly complaining to dad about the behavior. Having a complete unbiased person tell him that his daughter is out of control may be what he needs to have his eyes open. If it doesn't change his attitude about things I would be telling him, I really love you and I truly love the 3 year old however I can no longer deal with her unruly and unacceptable behavior therefore my daughter and I will be moving out, if you would like to continue our relationship we can still date however my daughter and I will have our own home.

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Shawna - posted on 09/07/2012

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I have tired to get him to the sessions. He came to one and then said he didnt like what she had to say so he would not be attending another. I honestly know in my heart i am fighting a loosing battle and it really bothers me cause sense she has been 6months old i have been here I was the one who got up with her in the middle of the night bottle fed her changed her did everything for her. BM didnt come into the picture full till she was 2. so I was her only mom. it just hurts a lot to know I am alone in this and I love her so much I know she can be a wonderful child and has tons of love to give. :(

Dove - posted on 09/07/2012

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If neither of the bio parents are willing to step up and help out with her horrendous behavior.... you are fighting a losing battle. Suggest that they attend a few sessions with the child therapist that you have been seeing... if they refuse, take you and your daughter out of that house asap. I'm not saying walk completely away from the relationship for good yet, but maybe if your boyfriend sees that you are NOT willing to take abuse from a 3 year old... he will step up and actually be a parent to that kid before it's too late.



good luck!!

Shawna - posted on 09/07/2012

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I have thought about video taping her for a full day. I have only video of her acting like this for about half an hour. I showed him and he laughed and said its kind of funny. the BM is in the picture but she is very much like BD doesnt parent because she feels that she is the bad guy. Even with the therapist I was told WE BOTH needed to do the work to help her understand right from wrong and I am the only one doing the work which mean nothing is getting accomplished. I am at my wits end because I feel that if this was my bio daughter acting this way my bf would have been packed up a long time ago and gone.

Lacye - posted on 09/07/2012

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It sounds like your bf needs a reality check. His daughter is a brat from hell. Do you have a video camera or a webcam? If so, I suggest one day when he is at work, video tape her acting this way. And when he gets home, show him what she is doing and why you are having such a hard time. Is her bio mom in the picture? That might be where she is picking up the dirty words, if BM is still around. I don't really know about that part because you didn't mention anything about her. Another thing you might want to do is ignoring her. From the sounds of it she is wanting attention from anybody and doesn't really care what type of attention she is getting. But your bf is wrong. She is 3 years old, by this time she should be able to understand that this type of behavior is not acceptable.

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