Help!! Clingy 4 month old

Fallan - posted on 03/05/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Im new to this, but I really need some advice. What can I do to ease the clingy-ness of my baby girl? For the past four months the only person that can hold her for longer than 10mins is me. She cries unless I am holding her. And now that she is more active and alert..she will cry if Im not doing something to entertain her (singing, baby talking, etc.) She cries in the car, she cries while in the cart when I shop for groceries (which is the only time I leave the house these days) Another thing is, she gets extra clingy and fussy when we do leave the house, like going to my sisters place to visit; my baby will fuss and cry unless I rock her or feed her. Im exhausted from it all. I cant even use the bathroom or shower.

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Ledia - posted on 03/06/2015

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Please do not use the Cry it Out method on a child who is clingy. When a baby shows signs of distress when mom is not directly attending to her, it is a sign that she is feeling insecure. It sounds counter productive, but if you want her to be less clingy, you need to attend to her as soon as she cries. That way she learns, and becomes confident, that you will come if she needs you.
When a baby is not confident that mom will come if he/she cries, the baby will cry more often because he/she needs to be reassured that mom will come when needed. Also, they cry when mom turns away because they are afraid mom will not come back.

Over the next few days, make sure that you come immediately whenever your baby cries. Comfort her, but as soon as she is calm, put her down again. I know if you are in a comfy chair, and she is calm, it is tempting to just keep letting her lay in your arms, but be consistent and as soon as she is calm, put her back on her play mat, crib, or swing, or wherever you let her play when she is awake. If she cries as you walk away, wait 15 to 30 seconds, then go back to her, but don't pick her up, just lay your hand on her and comfort her. (Of course, make sure that she is dry, fed, and not in any pain or overly sleepy first).

Once you are able to walk away without her crying immediately, come back to pat her on the back or give her a little kiss every 1-2 minutes. Gradually increase the time over the next week or so, so that you are leaving her for 5-10 minutes at a time, and coming back, even when she doesn't cry. This teaches her that she does not need to cry to get you to come to here. She can just wait, and you will come.

Once she is a little older, you will be able to get her occupied with a toy or some other distraction that is not you, then you can walk away for a little longer. Unfortunately, for the first 7 to 10ish months of life, you really can't get more than a 10 or 15 minute break from baby while the baby is awake. Once she is about one, she can go longer without you while still awake.
Until then, use a baby wrap and wear her while you shop or do chores around the house. My son hated the stroller, plus it was so bulky and difficult to maneuver over the sidewalks, wearing him was just so much easier out in public.

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Fallan - posted on 03/06/2015

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Thanks for the comments. I will try leaving her side while she is content.I dont like hearing her cry, but I do have two other children to raise.
Oh, She is starting to cry right now, so I better get back to her.

KeepingupwiththeRobles - posted on 03/05/2015

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Hello,
While I am not a fan of this new method that is called " Cry it out" method that is suppose to fix this exact problem, something has to be about your situation so that you can get some relief. I bet It is exhausting to be in this situation . Do you have a baby swing or a mamaroo? If you have either, I would place her in that (buckle her in of course) and play some type of soothing music on or whatever the device may have. You may have to let her cry it out for a bit everyday. It is great that you are being a wonderful Mom and attending to your babies every need but lets be serious, you have needs that need to be tended as well.. Ex. Your emotional needs to be intact. I am sure that is hard to do with having to tend to her every single second of every day. If you have something to do in your house you may have to just let her be fussy until your task is complete ( of course not too long) This is going to be challenging but all will be ok. Hope this helps somewhat. You can also try things that baby toys and mobiles as well.

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