Help!!! Custody battle over children, the bio mom is bipolar. What to expect?

Marina - posted on 04/17/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I really don't know if this is a post or a question. I'm new to this site, I need all the help interaction with mothers like me. I'm the stepmom of two beautiful girls aged 8 and 12. I love them and treat them as my own, but we have something cooler. I get to be their new friend.

I'm very stressed and worried about these kids. Their mother has totally polluted their lil heads. The mother is a diagnosed bipolar disorder. But that's not the only problems. She is in a relationship with a man who has been physical with her. These are her words on the stand. She has even admitted to the judge that she has left the kids alone on average of three times a month. This was when the 12yrs old was 11 and younger. Also the bipolar mothers own sister wrote and affidavit stating that she has the girls 2 nights a week. The same situation with my husbands mother. She submitted an affidavit stating the same. Does that not prove she only has the children 50% of the time?the mother of the children also got a doctors note stating that yes she is bipolar and was prescribed pills. He says she if "fine"

We requested a bilateral assessment to be done on the mother and she countered that the children under go a wants and needs assessment.

These girls never had a stable structured life with their mother. They where always with someone else besides her. No rules. She never encouraged them to study or get to school on time. That's another thing she also admitted to get the kids to school late on an average of three times a week. The kids where also never in any after school programs.

The kids with us has a very structured schedule. They are both in soccer and baseball. The eldest is now on honor roll. And they haven't been late for school once in the last three and a half months they've been with us.

To me this is a closed book case. The children are much better of with us.

However the kids went to the wants and needs assessment and told the psychiatrist they'd prefer to live with their mom. So they can watch movies and not have as many rules.

This scares me. My husbands lawyer said that it should lean in our favor after the wants and needs assessment takes places. How can that be when the reason of the wants and needs assessment is for the children to voice what they want. And they don't want to live with us...........???



Please help shed some light on this for me people. I'm scared for the health and safety of these two beautiful lil girls.

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Marina - posted on 04/17/2012

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Thank you Kalina.......I'm just worried and stressed and want this all to be over.

Kelina - posted on 04/17/2012

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It sounds like things are definitely in your favor. Seeing as the reason that they were originally placed with you was because their mothers home situation was not safe, I'd say you've got a good shot at getting sole custody since her situation has not changed regardless of them saying they want to live with their mom. I really hope the judge sees it that way as well. Good luck!

Marina - posted on 04/17/2012

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Sole custody is what we'd prefer. However we have shown that the kids get to see their family once a month and only because I'm the one driving 8hrs both directions. This is the same for their mother. Since the kids have been with us she hasn't driven once up to see them nor ask. We are always the ones initiating the visitation between her and the kids. Or she once requested to see them 24 hrs prior to her wanting them knowing it was an 8hr drive for us. Court documents state that she is to meet 50-50 and hasn't once.

I didn't mention earlier but child welfare has been involved 3x in the past. The sole reason for us initially getting them was child welfare called us informing us of the domestic abuse that happened at Xmas. That's the man who pushed her down and has been physical with her. So the mother and my husband agreed that the kids should come live with us till thing cooled down for her. We thought it was for her to break up with this guy and move out of her house where she felt unsafe in. That never happened. If it had we would've given the children back. We love those kids however both my husband and I have said they love their mother and if she treats them well why take them from her. It was never a mission of ours to have those kids.

With that all said........this past Easter holiday I drove 16hrs in total for the kids to see their mother, to find out that that man was there who abused their mother. NoT cool!!!! This morning my husband and I reported it to child welfare they are reopening her case.

I feel for these kids because they think this: they words exactly " I need to live with my mom so I can help her get better" " if we live with her everything will go back to normal"

Both side of the family the father and the mothers side have all turned their back on this woman. They are sick of her treating the kids bad. They have all said if those kids go back to their mother will not be around as much as we used to be. They have all turned their back on that woman and want the best for those girls.

Kelina - posted on 04/17/2012

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hmmm, I wonder why they said they miss their family then? Do they get to see them often? Do you know if they were asked how much they get to see their moms family now? The problem for the judge is not only separating the truth from the lies but also determining whats best for the kids. From what I can see, whats best for those girls is to be with you and their father. It's a stable home, they're excelling in school and life in general and it's also a two parent home which is something I believe would lean in your favor. However, it could wind up being that because the kids have stated they'd rather stay with their mom that a joint custody is arranged. Are you both going for sole custody or what arrangement are you hoping for?

Marina - posted on 04/17/2012

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They also said that they miss all their family and friends. My husbands family and his ex wife's family all live in the same area. We live in the north close to his work. However everyone has stuck their neck out for the health and safety of these children. Her own family has turned their back on her.

Marina - posted on 04/17/2012

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I believe may 6th......early may for sure. Yes they saidnthose exact words to the doctor.

Kelina - posted on 04/17/2012

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Is that what they told the psychiatrist? that they'd rather live with her because they don't want as many rules and can watch more tv? I think the why is a big part of it. when is the ruling date?

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