Help! Don't know if I'm ready for this baby!!!

Vera - posted on 01/16/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )

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I'm in the same boat and so confused. I only have 2 months left and this is my second girl due in March. My first will be 3 in April a month after babies born. I also have a step son who will be 1 in April as well. I don't have much a connection with him though as I don't really get to see him much cause when my bf gets him he stays at his moms with him till he takes him back to his mothers. Anyways this is our first child together. He has son by previous and my oldest is from previous. With this baby I just don't feel ready or excited about the situation and being a mother to another child. My oldest and I been through a lot with my previous and I tried and kept her away from a lot cause it was a bad situation with her real dad being drugy and so on. Anyways we just have this special bond and I feel like having another baby is going to take away some that bond we have. She is my first and it used to be just me an her. I love her to death. I of course wanted more children eventually but not till she was at least 5 or so. But then this one is here in my belly now. I was excited and scared at first. I have a lot of health problems as it is and since this pregnancy it's gotten worse. Even though she's almost here I just feel depressed now and not ready. My bf is waaaay happy and excited but I'm just NOT. I get a little excitement when I look at her clothes and so and and my sister throwing me a baby shower next month and I'm very excited for that but everytime I think about the baby it gets me down. Like I just want to leave take my oldest and give this baby to my fiancé but I know I just can't do that. I feel like a terrible mother but I don't know what to do about it especially cause with my fiancés son the mom wanted to give it up for adoption and he refused and that's the only reason she really has him right now. I'm against abortion and adoption but I just don't feel ready or like a can handle 2 kids of my own right now. I feel happy with just havin my oldest :(

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