Help! Feel like I'm the only one going through something like this.

Jen - posted on 02/09/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I feel like I'm alone in my circumstance and there isn't really anyone I can talk to who understands. My 17 year old ran away from a state group home two weeks ago. I feel like I have completely lost him and I want nothing more for him to grow up and have a good life and be a good person. I turned him over to the state when he was 13. I found out he had been raping his 7 year old half-sister for 2 years. I will not allow him back into my house around his siblings. But that doesn't mean that I don't love him and want what is best for him. I got a phone call from him today. He told me he was thinking of turning himself in after what he calls a bad night. He told me he had done heroin and was raped. I tried to get him picked up but he took off from the location he was calling from. I don’t know what to do and I just feel at such a loss and feel so helpless. I feel that there is nothing I can do for him to help him and that all I am able to do is watch him destroy himself.

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Kristi - posted on 02/11/2013

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Jen--

My heart goes out to you! I can't imagine what you must be going through. I so wish I had answers for you. But at this point, I'm not sure there are any answers. You obviously did the right thing when you found out what he had been doing to his half sister. Despite how the magnitude of his crime, it still had to be hard to turn your own son in. You've remained that strong by making sure he can't hurt your other children. I don't know what has gone on in the last 4 years so forgive me for asking, but do you believe his story? An old friend of mine has a daughter who absolutely everything you would NOT want your child or any human being to be. I'm not really exaggerating...drugs, child neglect/abuse, accessory to attempted murder, burglary...just to name a few.

For the longest time my friend covered for her, made excuses, looked the other way and so on. Finally, after her third child was taken away and they discovered that something was wrong with his neck and spine and he was either never going to walk right or he was going to have to have multiple surgeries to have his spine "rebuilt" which, had she received proper pre and post-natal care the drs would have caught it and fixed it, my friend decided no more. She never stopped loving her. And if her daughter gets her act together and wants to make an honest effort, my friend will be right there for her. But, for now, all she can do is love her. She can't afford to be manipulated by her daughter anymore because it was causing her to neglect her other children who were at home, who wanted and needed her guidence. The stress was also causing her hair to fall out and she was not paying her bills because she was too busy trying to clean up her daughter's messes.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because I want you to see that sometimes, regardless of the pain, you have to move forward and wait for your loved one, your son in this case, to hit rock bottom before they decide to climb their way back up. You just keep holding them close to your heart, you pray and you do right by the family you have with you. I hope other moms have better advice. I will pray for your family. Stay strong. I really admire you courage.

Lisa - posted on 02/11/2013

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Wow tht is alot to handle. I do kno tht God wont give u mor thn u can't handle. The best thing u can do is pray and let God deal wit him. All we r to do is lead a child. Thn let thm choose the rite fro wrong in life. Just PRAY it is a very powerful thing to do. Have faith and he will come around in Gods timing.

Cecilia - posted on 02/10/2013

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Okay never fully been in your situation but i have been in state group homes before. No i didn't do anything close to what he did.. actually i did nothing. i just had no family. Either way,I considered myself a good kid. it is actually "normal" to run away from them. I did it all the time.I would have never ran away from home though.(does that make any sense to anyone but me?) Not to do drug or anything just because I wanted a few days away.(I was 16 at the time.) i would always go back. If he doesn't want to be found he isn't going to be. You're going to have to wait until he chooses to go back. Side note- yes as an adult i realize what i did was really stupid and i could have been hurt or killed but my brain at the time didn't tell me this.

Even though he is your child and you love him you have to realize that he is now 17 and that he is going to make his own choices good or bad. He is almost an adult and there is little that you can do. He's making bad choices. The only thing i can think of that you can actually do is send him to rehab. That won't even work unless he wants to stop the drug use. Hopefully he will go back soon and get himself in order.

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