HELP* how old should my daughter be in order to stay at her father's house alone?

Isabel - posted on 04/07/2013 ( 18 moms have responded )

7

0

0

I am a teen mom(17years) & my daughter is 4 1/2 months old & me and her dad (my boyfriend) recently split. Now he wants to have her come to his house but I don't know if I should allow her to. I feel she is too young. Not only that, I am scared for her if she goes because he is abusive towards me. He's choked me, squeezed my face and just recently he has punched me in my face, and busted by lip. He will be carrying her and if we start arguing he'll set her down just to hurt me. He will call me unnecessary names ..

he has carried her and started punching & kicking walls. To see that fear in my daughter's eyes was the worst thing ever to see she was only two months old. I just want to protect my daughter he doesn't have a job he never did support me with any kind of money or way, so i just wana kno

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Tori - posted on 04/11/2013

14

0

0

You will need to set up a restraining order stating that you fear for your life...then you should no longer have ANY contact with him (otherwise they will say you are not really afraid). You can then file for "terroristic threats' if he threatens you and also domestic violence when he abuses you. These will go on his record if you be sure to keep on top of the case after you file it...if you let it lapse and don't follow through with the police it may not get the attention it needs and he can walk away with a slap on the wrist.
I am saying this because it appears since he has harmed you, he may also be at risk to the child. You need a court to back you up on this.

So Law wise
Threats = terroristic threat, can get restraining order and he can lose rights to visitation of the child
Abuse = domestic violence, possible jail time, & fine, and in my state anyway can never own a (legal) gun
the main thing is to get this documented --- keep diaries of incidents, file police reports and follow through, go to hospital to get injuries documented (go immediately, don't wait) AND sever contact.

Do not let the child go over there. While he is the biological father and (if) is on the birth certificate, w/o an official custody agreement, there is little he or the law can do if you refuse to hand her over...he will have to take you to court to gain a custody agreement and you will want him in court to get a child support order and seek sole custody based on the history of abusive behavior...the court may order him to anger management classes and supervised visitation or they may take his rights away for a year and review later.

Above all be prepared in court --- have documentation (a diary, text messages, voicemails, emails) of any threatening or violent acts. Get legal docs to back up --- medical records/police reports. AND DO NOT HAVE ANY FURTHER CONTACT WITH HIM (the courts will hold that against you). If you feel you must have contact for some reason, do so in a very public place and bring a male friend you trust (this at least demonstrates to the courts a level of fear of this guy, even if you had so meet him for some reason --- but really try not to.)

Holly - posted on 04/09/2013

1,250

18

518

technically she wouldn't be alone... unless you have an order to state otherwise, she can be with him alone as soon as she is born. get a lawyer quick and start working on a custody order.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/27/2013

21,273

9

3058

No. Your child does not go to his house, and you get yourself a restraining order to cover the both of you. File an official report against him for domestic violence. If you don't you are hurting you and your daughter more. Once you have filed, get a lawyer and go for sole custody. Do not hem and haw about it. Get it done asap. This guy has no problem hitting the mother of his child, you should have no problem going to the authorities about it.

Holly - posted on 04/10/2013

1,250

18

518

Andy and Belle this is not true... if your husband (assuming he is the baby's father) up and leaves with the baby, and you don't see them again, no trace of either of them, that is STILL considered kidnapping

Galit - posted on 04/09/2013

2

9

0

you would be reckless allowing him time alone with your daughter
get a lawyer and sole custody

18 Comments

View replies by

Judith - posted on 05/27/2013

9

0

0

Wow, do not let him keep your baby ever! Do file a restraining order and charge him with domestic violence. Take pictures of your your injuries and get a lawyer. Go to a domestic violence shelter if you need to. Can you go to your parents? Will they help? Go over all of your options, but mainly, break away from this guy. He is not well.

Isabel - posted on 04/13/2013

7

0

0

Thank You So Much to you guys I Finally Got The Courage To Finally End It After a Year and 4Months, i Need To Think about my daughter and our saftey and i wont keep this unhealthy relationship any longer ! Time To Take This To The Courts And Finish This Once and For all ! you guys helped out alot with this information ! much Thanks, i feel Like i have No more pressure on my back !

User - posted on 04/10/2013

26

0

0

Here is another thing, if he is on her birth certificate as the father and you hand your baby over to him there is NO requirement that he has to give her back, it's his baby too. He can take her out of state if he wants and there's nothing you can do about it without a legal custody arrangement. You do not have to let him even see the baby, if he wants visitation he can get an attorney and take you to court. Period. But in all likelihood he can't afford one, and they will also establish child support which I am sure he wants to avoid. Bottom line is don't do anything without a legally binding agreement!!!

Angela - posted on 04/09/2013

9

0

0

Go to a women's shelter as they have the knowledge to lead you. Make a police report even if there is no physical evidence. Do not go back with him. Only have supervised visitation don't put yourself alone with him though. Please read a book called protecting the Gift and the gift of Fear By Gavin De Becker. I grew up in a house of abuse trust me it only gets worse. Protect yourself and your child from any type of abuse.

Amanda - posted on 04/09/2013

1

20

0

Number one...get a lawyer and file for child support and custody. Most states have lawyers the work with women in your situation...I know because I was there. I left my ex when our kids were 5, 4, and 2 1/2. He was also abusive to me and the kids. I filed as soon as I left. It took a few months to get to court. You also should go right away and get a protective order. You have been abused by him in the past and even though you never called the police, you can still get one. I had never had the police involved in our disputes, but I got a protective order granted. You should ask for supervised visitation when you go to court. I'm not sure where you are from, but you should also seek a domestic violence group. I went to a battered womens shelter when we first left and it was the best place I could have gone. He didn't know where we were and I was able to get a lot of help with a lawyer and other things to get back on my feet...as when we left I was not working, and he refused to help me take care of the kids. It's also good to know that you are not alone and that other women have been there and made it through. I am sorry that you have to go through all this at such a young age...I was only 24 when we split. But just do what you have to for your baby. Good luck, and let me know if you have any questions...I can try to help. It's been seven years since I left and we have come a long way. I am still a single mom. But I have bought a house and managed to get our life on track without the help of their father. He is in another state now, and owes me 40K in child support. So even though it's been tough, we are making it...and you will too!!

Arielle - posted on 04/09/2013

29

3

0

Do not let your daughter go with him. As you said you feel, she is too young to be away from her mother for extended periods of time, especially if her father is abusive. I'D SAY, UNTIL A COURT ORDERED VISITATION IS IN PLACE, DO NOT SEE YOUR EX ANYWHERE EXCEPT IN PUBLIC PLACES AND DO NOT LET HIM TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER. As was mentioned previously, if any other abuse occurs, go straight to the police and make a report. It will help your case if/when you go to court. If you do not, it will be he said/she said. You may still be able to make a police report about him punching you, but time is running out. Also, be careful as to who you let care for your child. Until a custody agreement is court ordered, he could walk up to anyone, take his daughter and leave, as you both have equal rights as her parents. Good luck and continue to stay strong :)

Dove - posted on 04/07/2013

11,904

0

1350

You need to get a lawyer and you need to have police reports to take to court.

Michelle - posted on 04/07/2013

3,920

8

3246

Like Liz said first up, get yourself a lawyer and make sure he doesn't get anything other than supervised visitation at the most.

Liz - posted on 04/07/2013

1,047

15

260

I was assuming that you don't live together and hope that you can protect yourself and your daughter from being vulnerable in his presence in the future, but if he does anything else which constitutes a physical threat to either you or your daughter you should definitely file a police report immediately. Apart from anything else, it will help as evidence for his behavior when it comes to court.
You don't say how recently he punched you, but if you still have marks on your face it would definitely be worthwhile to pursue that with the police as well. If it was less recent, I'm not sure how useful the police could be, as all they would have would be one person's word against another. If in doubt, you could call your local police station for advice.

Fabienne - posted on 04/07/2013

11

0

0

Hello isabel..
I am sorry but the only thing i can say here is that it's time to go to the police, honey..

Liz - posted on 04/07/2013

1,047

15

260

You need to get a lawyer and get custody/visitation agreed in court. This is the only way forward to guarantee that your daughter is safe. You can tell your lawyer about your ex-boyfriend's abusive behavior and your fears for your daughter's safety, so that once this has gone before a judge he will only get awarded supervised visitation.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms