HELP! I am at my wits end.

Louise - posted on 07/07/2011 ( 23 moms have responded )

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My husband has gone away for 6 weeks working and my daughter who has been clean and dry for 4 months has reverted back to wetting herself every wee. I am changing her 8 times plus a day as she starts her wee and then asks for the toilet. I ignored it at first and just changed her. I have taken her to the doctors and her urine dip came back normal. Today in an hour she peed 6 times and was laughing. I tried so hard to hide how angry I was.

I have tried taking her to the loo every half an hour and she will not go. I have tried bribery that did not work. Can somebody please help me I have run out of ideas.

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JuLeah - posted on 07/07/2011

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This happens with kids dealing with big emotions.
She is not doing it to make you mad. And punishing her will only make things worse.

When she laughs, it is her attempt to make you smile and not be so mad at her .... people laugh when uncomfortable sometimes ....

I doubt this is a physical issue, but an emotional one.

Reward effort and progress ... address that she misses Daddy ... maybe she can make him a card, or call him on the phone? Maybe he can send her a letter?

Jodi - posted on 07/08/2011

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Louise, she is only 2 1/2. Daddy going away for 6 weeks is a pretty big deal. It is normal for a child this age to regress when there is a major change in their life. I understand how frustrating it is - we had one who regressed quite badly when his half-brother passed away, and it was a difficult time. I would sugges, right now, that you not try to fight it. The issue is psychological, not physical. I think 2 1/2 is a little young to force to clean it up (just IMO), but how does she feel about going back into diapers?

I'll be honest, mine were up and down with it until they were a bit older than 3. So that's probably why I'd just shrug it off as a regression and give it another go later.

Becky - posted on 07/08/2011

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You don't say how old she is, but I'm assuming that if she is old enough to be potty-trained, she is old enough to change herself. If she goes in her pants, have her change them herself (of course this shouldn't apply if she's sick at some point). Don't get angry or make a big deal about it. Give her a warning (tomorrow if you do this you are going to change yourself), and then just do it. This is not a punishment, it is a natural consequence. Use your best judgement- if she needs help cleaning herself, help her. Smelling all day is an unnecessary punishment. But leave the clothes to her! This is mostly what we did in the preschool I worked in. Good luck!

Isobel - posted on 07/07/2011

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I would leave her in her wet pants. Natural consequences tend to work the best IMHO

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Do you have any diapers? If so.... I'd stick her in one. If she wants to act like a baby she can be treated like a baby. I'm sure she's missing your husband and that might seem kind of 'harsh', but the accidents would drive me up the wall.

I don't know. Good luck!

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Sobina - posted on 07/10/2011

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My daughter used to do this and would not tel me she needs to pee and wen I take her to toilet she would not go. So I started disciplining her using naughty corner as she hated the naughty corner wen I said to her eithr wee in toilet or ur going into naughty corner she quickly do her pee in toilet.

Lana - posted on 07/09/2011

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I have a two year old that i am potty training hes done alot better then in the begining we have been on this journey to success since he would just randomly take his diapers off at 18 months and pee or poop on mommys floor when ever he felt the urge to go i know it was because he didnt wanna go in his diaper but he hadnt connected the dotted lines at that time that when you gotta go you need to go in the potty. He was very intrested tho in not peein in his diaper and doing it else where but when i decided to actualy start the potty training i was home in az with my sister and her her husband my husband and i had taken a short break and it had been a couple months since my son had seen him. and while i was potty training him he just wouldnt catch on i would put him on the potty and he would scream like i was beating him....NOOO MOMMY NOOO i tried potty chairs putty seats for the big potty everything. i was completly looking it there was urin and poopoo on my floor everyday all the time. then a few months back i came back up here to our house where my husband is and the first day he was here with his daddy he took him in the bathroom by the handing and told him he had to pee and that was the fist time he used the potty and has ever sense he is also comfortable with me taking him hes like a natural now. but what i am getting at is sometimes the change with parents not being aroud wether due to work or due to times apart to breath. children feel that discomfort and they express it diffrent ways expec with trying new things you will be surprised how much the other parent can put a infuence on your kid when there away it is almost as bad as bringing a lil baby home for them to share they sometimes degress due to the stress so just be patient and try to understand trust me i understand!!! and it makes you feel helpless cuz your just a skiped disc repeating your self with no end results. btu maybe if you get daddy on the phone and to talk to her about it and tell her how he wants her to go and how proud he will be of her maybe it will help

Katherine - posted on 07/09/2011

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There is something called and extinction burst. It's when the undesired behavior suddenly rears it's head again. It can last up to two weeks.
While extinction, when implemented consistently over time, results in the eventual decrease of the undesired behavior, in the short-term the subject might exhibit what is called an extinction burst. An extinction burst will often occur when the extinction procedure has just begun. This consists of a sudden and temporary increase in the response's frequency, followed by the eventual decline and extinction of the behavior targeted for elimination.

Take, as an example, a pigeon that has been reinforced to peck an electronic button. During its training history, every time the pigeon pecked the button, it will have received a small amount of bird seed as a reinforcer. So, whenever the bird is hungry, it will peck the button to receive food. However, if the button were to be turned off, the hungry pigeon will first try pecking the button just as it has in the past. When no food is forthcoming, the bird will likely try again ... and again, and again. After a period of frantic activity, in which their pecking behavior yields no result, the pigeon's pecking will decrease in frequency.

The evolutionary advantage of this extinction burst is clear. In a natural environment, an animal that persists in a learned behavior, despite not resulting in immediate reinforcement, might still have a chance of producing reinforcing consequences if they try again. This animal would be at an advantage over another animal that gives up too easily.

Despite the name, however, not every explosive reaction to adverse stimuli subsides to extinction. Indeed a small minority of individuals persist in their reaction indefinitely.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extinction_...
And I'm sure the stress of your husband being gone has a lot to do with it too.

Emma - posted on 07/09/2011

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im going through the same with my son who is 2yr8months, he was out of nappies at 23 months then me and partner had a huge fall out where he moved out for a bit. this then caused my son to start wetting himself. then again christmas just gone he came out of nappies and now my partner has got a job where he has to go away for a few days at a time my son is back in nappies as he doesnt always make it on time. i think you just got to give it time and they will eventually get there.

Louise - posted on 07/09/2011

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Thanks everyone for your help. It seems that the bribery of a small jelly baby worked in the end and we are now back on track. Thank goodness! One week of constant wet pants was not nice. My little girl is back to her happy self. I think maybe she had a reaction to something in her diet. Friends here say that Cheerios make there kids pee more and we tried Cheerios for the first time last week. I don't know maybe I am just looking for an explanation. All I know now is she has snapped out of it.

Anita - posted on 07/08/2011

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If she is only 2 1/2 you are lucky she is toilet trained at all! Most kids don't start till they are 2 1/2. Girls do tend to be quicker then boys though. I think there is too much pressure on parents and kids these days to be 'right be society's' standards. Parents put pressure on kids to be toilet trained before they are ready and some kids just don't cope with the pressure.
With Daddy going away the emotions would be high.. she is probably missing him, and going to the toilet would be the last thing on her mind. My little girl is 2 and 2 months, and she loves using the toilet, only wearing a nappy at night. But we have days where she will have accidents, sometimes 3 wet pants in the space of 2 hours and sometimes only once in the day. On the days she has had more accidents then usual I will put a nappy on her.. she can still ask to go to the toilet and I can still ask her to go, but I dont have the wet clothes and puddles to clean up! More often then not the nappy stays dry. Quite often if she is having a tantrum I will sit her on the toilet coz more then likely she will loose muscle control and wet her pants!
Take your time, and try not to stress about it, she will come good again. But in the mean time I would suggest a nappy or pull ups, but still do the toilet routine. At least there won't be the wet clothes and puddles to deal with.

Isobel - posted on 07/08/2011

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yeah, I assumed older too...I would give her some pullups until Daddy comes back :)

Melanie - posted on 07/08/2011

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i just saw that shes only 2 1/2. shes probably too young for the above mentioned method to work for you. mine were 3 and 4 when we had these issues.

Melanie - posted on 07/08/2011

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i have a child who went thru something similiar because we moved. i can understand acting out but it has to be nipped in the bud. try telling her that if she continues to pee in her pull up youll take a toy away, permanantly. find something she cares enough about that shell be upset if you give it to a neighbor child or just toss it, but of course not something too special. it may bother you to waste the 20 you spent on that barbie but then youll only have to do it once or twice most likely. its worked for me so far. i have 4. the baby hasnt has a need for this form of discipline yet tho.
good luck. :)

Sneaky - posted on 07/08/2011

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Yep, I would put her back in nappies - pull-up ones if you have them so she can start using the toilet again when she is ready to.

:o( My daughter is going through 'phases' too. I can not believe how much laundry one child can generate in one day. sigh.

Tracy - posted on 07/07/2011

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My daughter responded really well with a GOOD JOB chart of ticks and crosses... Boy did she ever hate watching me put the crosses up. We counted the ticks and crosses at the end of the day after dinner/supper and if there were more ticks than crosses she got a reward!

Michelle - posted on 07/07/2011

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I would just ignore her bad behavior and instead of asking her if she needs to go potty, just keep putting her on the toilet every 30 minutes even if she protests. I would tell her that using the potty is not a choice and that she needs to try and go. Reward her with stickers or something positive after she goes. I think sometimes toddlers need a little refresher course on how to do things. Try and keep it light and positive as hard has it can be. Sometimes when change happens it changes the routine of things so it sends them for a loop. Hang in there, at least we know everyone learns how to use the potty eventually (lol).

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My 4 yr old started this three months after her sister was born, I thought she was regressing. But she wouldnt tell me and it was usually when she was playing or laughing. Wondering if muscles are growing at this time?? I never made a big deal about it and just toldbher to go change. Even negative attention is attention. She hasnt done it lately but im interested in seeing what other moms say. My six yr old did this briefly when she was younger. And my daughters urine came back normal also.

Shannintipton - posted on 07/07/2011

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I am not sure what to say. My little girl has the same problem. I ask her why she has peed in her underwear and she replies that she was busy playing. So maybe if you take the toy or a toy away and she has to earn it back when she makes it to the (loo)? ha ha we say bathroom. I think I like loo. Good luck.

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