HELP!!!! I dont know how to tell my daughter her dad isnt her real dad

KANDACE - posted on 06/15/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hi... I was 19 when i had my first daughter she is now 8yrs old will be 9 in August. Her non-biological father came into her life before she was one. She started to call him daddy on her own. Him and I have a 6 yr old daughter together. as of lately his family has started to treat my oldest daughter differently and he has started to be mean to her also. last night she was crying and said that they love her little sister more than her..At this point i dont know what to do. i feel like its time for me to tell her the truth but the other shocker is i dont know who her biological father is. please someone help me .

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/15/2015

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In addition to what Raye says (extremely helpful and well stated), You need to talk to your SO. He cannot just start to treat her differently. That is not fair to her. You may not be able to do anything about his family (How anyone can NOT love a child, I'll never know), but you CAN take steps with him.

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Raye - posted on 06/15/2015

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Just tell her the truth that the man she knows as her daddy is her step-dad, and another man is her biological dad. Reassure her that her step-dad loves her very, very much. But your second daughter, her sister, is your SO's biological daughter, so his family (are jackasses) are not related to your first daughter like they are related to her sister, and so they feel closer to her sister. Be prepared to answer some questions about the bio-dad. Be truthful but vague... for example: why isn't my real dad around? Because there were things going on in his life that prevented him from being the best daddy he could be at that time. And you fell in love with your SO, who also fell in love with you and wanted to be a daddy to your daughter. If you know any of her schoolmates that have step parents, maybe you could use them as an example.

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