help i dont know if i am over reacting

Hannah - posted on 05/18/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )

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i have 3 kids my oldest two are boys with a different father but has been around since the youngest father since i was pregnant with the second one so he really like all there dad. he started dating his girl three months ago she only 20 and has a bad habit of posting picture of my kids and calling them her family which i found kinda strange.But then things got really weird a couple of weeks ago. I was planning on taking my kids to see the movie the Avengers Saturday for opening weekend requested the night off from work and the old nine yards weeks ago. well the Thursday before (kids were at grandma house) he calls me at 1130 pm tell me he has something very important to tell me and ask me to meet him at the Walmart parking lot. Curious cause we really don't talk that much i decided to see what was wrong . he lied to me about having cancer .then he asked if he can go to the drive in with me and the kids. I said that sure be fine since i just found out my boyfriends was working overnight and it would nice to have help with the kids. so when saturday rolled around i call him after work told him i was on my way. he told me that i couldn't go cause his girlfriend was with him and his friends (they were already in the drive in) and it would be awkward if i showed up. I was very up at first then decided to go anyway. my younger son sat with me and told me that his dad gf told him that he would have been better off living in the wood being raised by wolves then living with me! Needless to say I was very upset. so i said something to their father about this also mentioning i really didn't want her around the children anymore. after this found out he put her on my kids pick up list from the school IDK how since he not even one of their real father. then yesterday my oldest had a trip to the zoo that he need someone to take him to (hes not allow on buses) I ask him who he want to take him and he said his dad. so a couple of days before the trip he said he didn't have the money to get into the zoo i said well if you don't want to take him let me know cause i really want to. then i gave him 10 bucks to get into the zoo cause he said he really wanted to. but of course that didn't happen his gf wanted to go since her nephew in the same grade and same school as my son so i basically paid for her to ditch my kid and hang out with her nephew.i was even more upset by this repeated mistrust and decide to pick my kids up and inform them that i was no longer letting them watch my children cause i didn't feel comfortable about the situation anymore but by the time i got there to pick them up their dad told them that i was taking them away and i will never let him see them ever again and his girl friend reassured my kids that she was going to marry him and be there new mom so they didn't have to put of with me.also a couple of days before this they told my kids that i didn't want them any more( my car broke down so i had them stay with them since i wasn't able to drive them back and forth from school for a couple of days)i also bought them food to keep at their house 150 dollars worth since they watch them alot while i was at work the day before and they refuse to give it back to me so now i have to borrow money from my mom to feed my kids since they stole my childrens food. He accused me of being jealous and over reacting but i think this whole situation is just plain weird and disrespectful towards me I actually dont want this woman around my kids so much that i ended up quiting the best job i ever had. Am I over reacting?

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Do you not have family who can watch him instead of this pyscho woman and abusive man? Because yes he is abusive and committing fraud by marking who can/can't pick your child (not his) from school.

Angela - posted on 05/20/2012

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you know best how to deal with this situation, it is clear from what you have said! keep your kids from this woman who obviousley is jealous of you and your kids. as for the town bullies, ignore them, do not respond in anyway to them, no point in adding fuel to their already out of control fire. you only have to answer to your kids and partner (remember kids pick up on everything, as Kelina said they will see his girlfriend for what she is as they will your ex partner too.), anyone else is in no way important enough for you to care about their opinions. ONLY CONSIDER THE OPINIONS OF THOSE YOU CARE FOR MOST! but even then it is your gut instinct, womens intuition, heart...call it what you will, you know best. and i'm guessing you already do but, make sure you let your children know you love them, kisses and hugs several times a day, mine were given in the morning as they woke, as they left for school, when they got home, after baths, after any activity they did and before bed. it won't be long before they won't let you give them that many, so that quick peck on the head/cheak along with i love you, goes a long way...even if it doesn't feel like it. :o) good luck and don't let anyone bully you into anything.

Kelina - posted on 05/19/2012

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ok I didn't understand that you had a new boyfriend. that makes more sense. The if you can afford to be home with your kids, go for it. I'm a stay at home mom and I love it although it can be difficult sometimes. Good luck I hope everything works out for you.

Hannah - posted on 05/19/2012

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my boyfriend works 12 hour day six days a week as a welder. He has been wanting me to quit. i was only working 30 hours a week and my boss really couldn't make my hours work plus there dad was watching them since he doesn't work. so my paycheck would have been the amount of a babysitter in the end.I just really enjoyed my job. But i also cant let my children hear that kinda thing either.I had my oldest when i was 17 and my youngest when i was 20 so i believe the age factor is an excuse for her behavior.I have also already week before talk to him about this situation when he lied about having cancer and yet they both keep up the behavior. He now has people in town (i live in a small town) harassing me telling me i am being completely unreasonable hint why i decide to post on here to get an out side view on the situation. I feel like i am in middle school being bullied and coursed into giving him another try which after all this i just believe he is not mature enough to be around my kids alone. I absolutely dont want my kids around this girl after all the stuff she said to them...(that is apparently what i am being reasonable about)

Kelina - posted on 05/19/2012

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How are you planning to support your family without a job? Have you thought about just cutting down your hours for a little while? Sorry, I just know what it's like to struggle to feed your kids or have to choose between paying your rent and feeding your kids, and then have to ask someone for help. It sucks. I think the supervised visits are a good idea. Also remember that your kids are in school. It is possible for you to work while they're in school and be home when they are for a little while. You don't need to be at home while they're not to show them that you love them. As for her age, that really doesn't matter. when I was twenty I already had one kid and my second was born 2 days before I turned 21. She should be respecting you as a mother and not messing with your kids heads. If they think she doesn't know any better, that's good for them but you have to think about whats best for your kids and if she doesn't know any better then she'd better get her head in the game real fast.

Louise - posted on 05/19/2012

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I think I would go down the legal line here and get supervised visits for the father figure excluding this girlfriend. Make sure you gather evidence to use against them. Rather than ring you ex text him sohe texts back. Any thing that can be used to prove that she is bad mouthing you is useable in court. What this woman is doing is slander and down right verbal abuse towards the kids. How on earth does a 7 year old compute what is truth and what is a lie?

Speak to a lawyer and see what can be done to protect your children.

Hannah - posted on 05/18/2012

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honestly i don't care for him at all and haven't for years.but my oldest will be seven and that the only person he only seen as a dad. His dad disown he before he was born the poor kid never meant his father. So i would hate to rip him away like that so the deal now is that if he want to see the kids he has to come to my house and see them i don't trust him alone with them with all the craziness. I definitively don't want them around this girl who seems to be the mastermind behind all of this madness.As for my job my boss knew something was wrong for a while and totally understood he said i can have my job back at anytime but right now i just need to focus on my kids and make sure they know there mommy will always be there for them. My major issue is everyone is saying i am being unreasonable and she just twenty and i should give her a break because she doesn't know any better. But in my mind it just plain common sense that you shouldn't talk to a 4 year old 5 year old and and 6 year old about there mom that way.and keep in mind i started dating this guy when I was pregnant with my second son so he been around for about 6 years and that's the only person my kids know as a father and i don't think cutting him out of there life is right for them either. poor kids feel so confuse as do i I just not sure if i am handling this in the correct manner or if i am being petty.

Kelina - posted on 05/18/2012

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I think I understand what you're saying and no you're not overreacting. instead of quitting your job did you try explaining to your boss that you're having a hard time finding childcare and see if he/she had any suggestions. They're way out of line in the way they're talking to the kids. And while it's nice that he's willing to take all three kids even though only one is his, I don't think it's a good idea. I'm not sure how old your kids are but it might be a good idea to reassure them that you love them and want them. Don't mention their dad or his girlfriend, don't allude to them nothing. Just when you're putting them to bed, maybe say, you know I love you right? and give them a big hug. The important thing is however you feel about the man they see as their dad you don't say anything to them about him. They can form their own opinions as they grow up and see how he treats you. Do you guys have a custody agreement in place? if not, it might be a good idea to get one. And in the future, don't give them money. If he can't afford to take his kid to the zoo with school and wants to maybe give the teacher the money for if he shows up. Good luck. I hope this works out for you.

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