Help, I dont know what to do with becoming a new stepmother

Tracy - posted on 03/18/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I'm going to become a new step mother who does not have children of her own. I could not have children but I have always desperately wanted them. I have been with my fiance for 3 years now, but we were first girlfriend and boyfriend back in 7th grade. We have always been in and out of each others lives. We were able to fall in deep love after we both went through very difficult divorces later on in our lives. He has a 10 year old daughter. I work in foster care and have worked with many children, but I have never dealt with this kind of child. She is rude, disrespectful, non-epathetic, and unaffectionate. I work with troubled children , but I have never worked with spoiled children. This is a new thing for me. She is a angry little girl who has been given full power over her parents, and grandparents with no discipline what so ever. She has tripped her mother purposely down the stairs, she has tried to push me in a ditch along with lying and stealing on top of this. This was just the first year with this just being just a few of the things that she has done. I've have tried everything, Kindness, ignoring, avoiding, being diligent with trying to co-parent, speaking and trying to work with her mother, printing out rules for me and my fiance to follow with him asking for this not me volunteering. Two months ago when we got engaged I had to deal with his child and the mother stating that I was ruining their family. The mother was the one doing drugs and left the home before my fiance was about to ask for custody of the child and make her go into rehab. I decided to sit down and talk with his little girl in hopes that we could come to some kind of understanding that I will be her stepmother but Im here to be here special friend and not try and replace her mother or compete with her over anything. It could be what we eat, I work out and if she cannot do something she will call me fat, or try to turn it around to see if she can do something I cant. I use to not do play into it, but now if she challenges me I will do it if she acts like I cant or when she makes fun of me just to show her that I can. Ive actually hurt myself before because she said I was too old to do the splits or a backbend. IM 40 YEARS OLD! Well guess what I done them, but buddy did I pay for it later:) Im not fat, and I can do the splits but you know what SO WHAT!!!!! I cant believe that I come to this and have allowed her to take such control over my life. I have actually started to allow her to drive me crazy. Im usually so laid back and work in a field where I feel like I make a difference. Why cant I do this with one child and in my own home where I desperately want us to be this happy great family together. Im so saddend by this whole thing. It just doesnt quit. I tell her shes perfect but I can do things she cant and she can do things I cant, and its ok and we should be happy not mad. I told her this will not be allowed in our home anymore along with disrespect, back talking, bullying and making fun of people! I told her that we love her very much, but she will not continue to act the way she has it was going to stop today. I told her that she does not have to like me, but when she comes into our home she will follow the rules and be respectful. That weekend she took a rock and hit and scatched the side of my car. Im at my wits end and my fiance will not do anything to correct her or allow her to respect me. He just makes a joke about it and acts as though its not that bad Im going to have try harder and Im overreacting. He tells me that I dont understand because Im not a parent. I need to know if mothers and stepmothers out there if this is true and what I can do to make things better. Im so out of control with trying to figure it out. He says he doesnt get to see her full time and he doesnt want to waste that time when we could be out doing something fun together. Do you know how that makes me feel especially when it occurs in my own home!!!!!! I need some advice. I can no longer continuue with no support. We make a plan and he is so on board but when shes here he is not consistent with anything involving her. My relationship with my fiance is actually so wonderful but Im at the point of wanting out. What do I need to do. Leave when she is at our home. Should I suggest counseling. Or just deal with it or get out. Help:((

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/18/2013

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Well, I do not let my children act like this, to anyone. Clearly dad feels like he has to be the good guy cause he does not see his daughter often. You should not be the one specifically doing all the discipiline, but damn someone needs to start. I would not be able to live like this. Remember, this child will ALWAYS be in your life. So sit down with your fiance, and let him know exactly how you feel. Things need to change, or you will not have a happy marriage. She will always come between the both of you, which is clearly her intention. She may be to young to understand that, but it is clearly the objective.

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