Help! I need christian friends!!

Irina - posted on 04/13/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )




Hi. Everyone! I'm from Massachusetts and I am not sure where I should go to church. I've been too so many and can't seem to stick to one. I don't know what it is but I can't seem to find friends. I don't know like I have a hard time with opening up to people, a lot of times I don't feel good enough but I KNOW IT'S A LIE! I know that I have really good qualities for example: I'm smart, funny, outgoing, friendly, caring and I have a really good heart. I have been rejected a lot in the past so it's hard to find friends especially now that I have two little kids. I dk why I just can't be ME. The church that I think God wants me to go to is very small and there are only 2 moms there for now and they have women's group every other Saturday which I will start to go to. Also I will be hanging out with mom's from a different church in the summer playgroups and hopefully that'll be the summer that I actually develop relationships. I know a bunch of mom's but I just can't seem to get them to hang out with me..honestlyI have a hard time being me because I have a lot of stress in my life and it causes me to be anxious and cannot concentrate and chaos. I'm a really good person I just need to make some friends to walk this life with, for support, encouragement, to socialize, to relate and feel confident and not go crazy from loneliness. Should I just go to the Saturday groups? I also have another q: I really want to get involved in church to teach Sunday school but it's so small and there are only 4 little kids all different ages. One is 2,3 and 4 and 3,babies. I love that it's smaller but at the same time it's tough Cuz who's going to watch my baby who is 1 while I teach? This other church I go to has a lot of kids and has sunday school in place and everything. The smaller church doesn't even have day care. I do what I should do! I feel like if I had friends I wouldn't be so confused because I would have support and someone to figure stuff out with.


Rebekah - posted on 04/13/2015




It sounds like you have some good options in front of you already. Definitely join the Saturday groups, and explore the summer playgroups also. Try it, stick with it, and give it time. Relationships take time. Get to know both congregations and see if you are still inclined to join the smaller church.

Wanting to teach Sunday School is great... though maybe wait until you decide which church you want to commit to first, and after you build relationships to help you with the issue of child coverage while you are teaching. (do you have to be a church member in order to teach? Some churches may require that first. If so, focus on finding a church home and then find out how you can use your gifts in that setting.)

In your post, I hear you craving to have someone to help you sort through all the stress and anxieties and questions... I fully understand that. Though I would only ask you... do you think your eagerness to share that might be getting in the way of forming friendships? Do you bring your needs to the table right from the beginning when you get to know these other moms? If you do, I'm wondering if it might be too much for some moms. If you are feeling overwhelmed, they may also feel overwhelmed by it. Some moms have their hands full with their own kids and personal drama, and may feel like they can't take on someone else's needs. If you are putting it out there right away, I would suggest pulling back a bit... get to know these women for who they are and make it about enjoying each other. As the friendship deepens, you will see which ones are able and care about you enough to give you the emotional support you are looking for. In the meantime, to help you with your stress/anxiety, maybe you could find some support from the pastor or even a counselor. Or what about family support??

If you aren't coming across as emotionally needy, then maybe ask some of the moms directly why they aren't seeming to make time to spend with you. Is it personal, or is it just being busy, etc. Hopefully they can give you some honest feedback that would be helpful. Sometimes moms can get in cliques... I've seen that. Maybe you've come across some that are in a group like that that isn't willing to bring in someone new (its so like high school, right?). But I firmly believe there are other moms out there that feel the loneliness too, and would love to have your companionship. Are you a single mom? There might even be a single mothers group in your area that might help you connect with others on another level.

One more tip... if you haven't found it already, there is a "Christian Moms" group on Circle of Moms. It might be one more good place for you to find helpful feedback regarding spiritual questions. Good luck! :)

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