Help me

Tash - posted on 06/10/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )




I took custody of a child she is 13 I took custody in January , she has come along way as far as additude change an being more open and letting emotions show but she will NOT shower or clean her room , brush her teeth or take care of period issues properly , I've tried talking bribeing getting upset , teaching praising for when it does FINNALY get done and still we are now on day 11 of no showr and no brushed teeth !! This time I never said anything yet I wanted to see if I just don't say anything she could do it on her own again we on day 11 !! It's aweful , the rest of my girls are clean freaks all about NO DIRT! I try to be easy on her because she came from a very aweful home very dirty very emotionally abusive , her father passé away 3 years ago and her bio mother took on a new man and acted as if her father never exsisited the child is in counsilling and as I said other then hygiene and laziness she has made HUGE improvement , she has also has the problem of being .... Nice word for slutty?... She refuses to wear jeans unless skin tight , she has had 14 boyfriends in the last 2 months and yet still has never even kissed a boy ?! ... People at school call her aweful names I'm just so lost on what to do ! I'm 24 years old I have 4 daughters now including her I own my own company that is doing amazing my children want for nothing they have everything , I've tried taking stuf away iPad iPhone Ect she still doesn't listen for boys hygiene or laziness ! I have a husband that is very sick with liver and brain problems so my one on one time can only e so much I mean girls range from 1-3-13-18 !!! I'm only one person ! Help me yes 18 is step daughter (husbands daughter)


♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/10/2013




Well, you need to understand that your methods (the getting upset, the anger with her for failure to follow through, the whole bit) are probably the same methods that she's used to ignoring.

If you take in a troubled child, you need to expect the challenges. Have you kept her counseling schedule the same? Should she perhaps be seeing the counselor more for a bit to get her used to her new situation? Should you and her new family perhaps be participating in group counseling for the adjustment?

I think its great that you felt the urge to step into this young woman's life, but she may not have had the best of lives even before her father passed away and bio mom's decisions got worse. Think of it almost like PTSD. The child's gone through a lot of crap in the last 13 years, and she wants to know if you're in for the long haul.

Invest in extra counseling. Find a way to make time to spend one on one time with each of the kids, her, and your own biological kids too. I understand that you have a lot of irons in the fire, as they say, but you may have to put something on hold in order to make this child's life a little better. Once she realizes that you aren't going to kick her to the curb like her mother did, it will be easier, and you can start to pick up on the activities again.

Alisha - posted on 06/10/2013




Wow um well have you talked to her counselor about it? and as for her behavior she could just be very stuck in what image was created about her by her mother and step father. have you taught her about the period stuff? Just figured I would ask.but I think talking to her counselor might help see of she/he can get it through to her in whatever manner they do it in.She might just want you to punish her/ ignore her because the is what she is used to so it could take a lot of patients and time to get her out of the funk she is in. What have the other girls done like have they tried being a sister to her like taking her under there wing so to speak? But all I can think about is trying to get her counselor in on it and try to have the other girls talk to her as well. Or just to the tough love thing and flat tell her how the world will see her and let her know just because whatever her mom and step dad says about her it doesn't make it true if she wants change in her life she needs to start it by first taking care of herself.


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Tash - posted on 06/10/2013




Alisha that sounds great , I am going to talk to her counsellor and as far as other girls they are 1 & 3 so not much help lol and the 18 year old is in bc attending school thanks so much

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