help me guys

Becky - posted on 12/02/2015 ( 12 moms have responded )

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Hi guys i met this guy on 2012 and i had a one stand with him and i got pregnant which was my mistake back then i was with my ex boyfriend and then we had a fight its a long story. And then who is the one slept with this guy sent me court day with court notice which is december 22th 2015 . And then i never tell him my full name and last name and where i work and things like that for some reason he found where i work and my full both names. He stalked my friends on facebook he texted them. And now he wants some visitation and stablish relationship with my son. Which he cant support him financially. He doesnt have a place and he doesnt have a bank account he doesnt have a education. I raised my son without him. I never ask him for money and child support. What should i do guys help me

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Dove - posted on 12/03/2015

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I just read to where you are going to get a police report about him abusing you while pregnant... um... that was 2012! I really don't think any police officer is going to take you seriously to finally report a single incident that happened over 3 years ago... but go ahead and try.

This man is your child's father and they have a legal and moral right to a relationship w/ each other whether you like it or not. If you have CURRENT, hard evidence (not your opinion, but things you can actually prove w/ written documentation) that the man is a danger to your child... you can push for supervised visitations. Otherwise... be prepared to have your world turned upside down in a few weeks when you go to court because your ex is almost guaranteed to immediately be awarded some sort of visitation.

By the way... could you please stop calling this man stupid when you can't even make a single coherent post.... I never graduated high school either, but I have the ability to write a complete and coherent paragraph... which you clearly can not.

Sarah - posted on 12/03/2015

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I am having a hard time following your story, Your OP sounded like you never even told him about the baby and never even saw him until he stalked you and discovered you had a child. So I really don't know what to think...If he has a work friend, he must have some sort of job or skill set.
This is a child, a human being; not a dog, purse or car that you can own. You do not own this human being, you are one of his parents. If the other parent is your dream guy is irrelevant. Can he love, teach your son things, instill values and learn to lead him? Of course he can. Education can be acquired, or even learning a trade, money does not bring happiness and even wealthy men can be terrible fathers.
Do you want to risk losing your son to him? If not, then don't alienate his father.

Michelle - posted on 12/03/2015

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It's not your choice if he sees his child or not, that's up to the courts.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't have any money, that has nothing to do with him being able to have a relationship with his child. He has as much right as you to have a relationship with his child.
If you deny him seeing his child then that will go against you in court, don't use your child like a possession.
You slept with this man and created a child, you are now bound together forever. It's best to go to court and get visitation, custody and child support sorted out in the courts.

Jodi - posted on 12/03/2015

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This story makes no sense - you changed it from the OP to your second post. Which story is the truth?

Regardless of the truth, however, you slept with him, you knew that sex can produce a baby (I hope), and both parents have rights, regardless of the relationship between the parents. Welcome to real life.
What should you do? You should get a lawyer and establish custody and visitation orders.

Ev - posted on 12/03/2015

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1) In your intro post you never mentioned that he knew of the kid sooner rather than later.
2) You said he looked through social media and found out who you were and then found out he had a kid. You made it sound like he had spent quite an amount of time looking for you this way.
3)He has filed for a court date for gaining visitation and so on to see his son. You can ask to set custody at that time for you to be the custodial parent and ask for child support. He is supposed to help care for that child's needs. AND since he filed for court, you have to appear for it and you HAVE to do as the judge orders. If he is found by paternity to be the father then he can have his rights recognized and get them. THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO! If you hold the child from him he can take you back to court and get custody.
4) During court you have to have proof that he is a danger to the child. The abuse he did to you from your last couple posts is not against the child but you. And if you did not call him in to the police then, the statutes of limitations may be long since gone and you might not get to have him charged for abuse and you would have to proof it with medical reports and an arrest.
5) You can not decide if he is good enough to parent a kid. As I said he could have changed since then. How long ago did you find out he had no diploma, no job, no money? And if he smokes and drinks, address it to the judge that he should not be allowed to do that around the child.
6)It is not your call if this relationship takes place or not. If you do not go to court and hold the child from him it is parental alienation.
7) Sounds like you need to take a step back and look at it from another avenue.
8) You slept with the guy and a child is the result of it. YOu have until the child is 18 years old to parent with this man....get used to it.

12 Comments

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Raye - posted on 12/04/2015

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Becky, here are the facts: You had sex with this guy. That resulted in a baby that is 50% your DNA and 50% his DNA. This is BOTH your child and his. He does have rights, whether you like it or not. None of the rest of it matters. Your opinion of him doesn't matter. Think of your child. Your child has rights, too... to know and have a relationship with BOTH parents of both parents are willing. Sounds like the father is willing if he's going to court over it. You have to abide by the LAW and do things the right way. You can't just decide to keep the child from him. That will look very bad on you in court. Get the court orders and then follow them.

Sarah - posted on 12/03/2015

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You state he abused you during your pregnancy and try to get you to have an abortion, but you stated earlier:
" And then he wasn't around me and him at all he cane (came) to see him once "
I am confused, did you tell him you were pregnant or did he find you two years later by cyber-stalking you?

Ev - posted on 12/03/2015

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How many times do we have to tell you that he has a right to ask for visitation with his child? You said he had the court send you a summons for this. You can tell the judge anything you want but the bottom line is this: The judge will decide if he is a danger to the child or not and if he can have a visitation schedule set up or not.

Becky - posted on 12/03/2015

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I understand what you think of me.mean time i tried to give him chance but he is not doing anything. I know its nothing to do with me that me wanting be with him or me want his money or anything like that im fine without him or he doesnt have a money he doesnt have a bank account he is 30years old he doesnt have a money . He is still living with his parents house which their house is not safe its old its dangerous be the train rail road when you step out of your house. And there no room for play and sleep i dont want that happen to my child speding the night there im not judging him at all thats the truth. His sister told me he doesnt finish high school and his driver license is suspended. He is staying at his parents house sometimes his sisters house and his work friend house and thats really shame and now what he just wants to be in his life he never ever buy for him diaper or formula or medical expense i did all of that by myself i carried my son i gave birth to him. He cant be his role model . He is just a stupid junk right now no career no nothing. And like i said he barely spent some dollar for his halloween costume its cheap . If he really wants to be in his life he shouldve done something better but he is not going to . I also told him go to school finish your hogh school GED but he refused he said im too stupid to go to school i cant do that thats what he said . And i asked him how are you gonna support him he said im going to work different cell phone shop. 2or 3 days a week . Im not going to let him see my child . I already got a lawyer . Even my lawyer said and asked me is he stupid getting to sent this notice to you. But he is actually touched me i know i didnt get a police report but how am i gonna be safe when he told me when i told him that im pregnant he said im not ready just go do the abortion and nowy son he is growing up and now he wants relationship with him thats not right and thats not fair . I dont care how much money i spent on my child. I know i may sound stupid and selfish but its better off making a relationship with that kimd of guy its better not having a relationship with him. I know you may dont like my comment . But accept your concern and kind of your judge.

Becky - posted on 12/02/2015

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He doesnt have a high school diploma. He is not educated. He is old enough to have a bank account and establish some credit score for his future but he dont care about that. When he work a little bit of time make little bit of money he spent that money for cigarrate and beer and food thats all. I also told him open up bank account which is he didnt care. I dont need his money. I can raise my child better without any help from him.he doesnt need a that kind of father i dont want that kind of junk relationship with my child.

Becky - posted on 12/02/2015

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He knows that about him. And then he wasnt around me and him at all he cane to see him once after he was born and he didnt even ask me if he need something or anything like that. He told me i wemt to his house and i even met his parents and went to his parents house. About the education his sister told me. When i was pregnant woth him he actually pushed me on the floor he was drunk and i thought i had a miscarriage. And he dont make any money how is he gonna support him. He cant even buy him a halloween costume. He barely spent 15$ for his costume. And he is a liar. And im not asking him for child support or i dont want anything from him because he cant afford. He doesnt have nothing. Now he is harassing me treatning me. I dont feel safe with him because he is kind of abused me even if it was just only one push. And his parents house not safe there is no space at his parents house and his younger sister had a 2kid living with their parents too. He is 30years old and act like a little child smokes and everything. He doesnt care. Im not judging him for anything but im not going to let my son go there for what nothing he got DUI which is he drives when he drinks thats not safe also. He stalked me. I tried to nice to him and give him chance to make things right but he is not trying to do anything all he do is lies and lies. Im going to get a police report for abusing me while i was pregnant

Ev - posted on 12/02/2015

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So you had a one night stand with this guy and he found out who you were and where you worked and lived via social media. He found out you had his kid and wants some sort of relationship and visitation. He is entitled to that. He may have just figured out what happened since you did not obviously try to contact him to let him know he had a kid. ANd how do you know he can not support the child, or has a place to live, or does not have an education? How old is the child now? Since then this guy could have gotten his act together and has all those things. You do not have to be educated to have a job at a fast food place or other places where a high school diploma is enough to get a job. Since he filed this with the courts, he has the right to make sure he is the father through a paternity test and then ask for visitation and a chance to know his son. It is not up to you to decide if he is good enough or not to have that with his son. You chose to sleep with him and chose not to tell him he had a kid. So now you have to go to court and work this out to parent this child as best as you can with him.

http://www.circleofmoms.com/welcome-circ...

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