help me plz my life is full of sadness

Mary Ramya - posted on 05/16/2013 ( 15 moms have responded )

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dear !any body is ther to help me im frustrated...im mother of two kids one is 3 yr old and another one just turned one..I get very frustrated with my children and i Fear that my temper may be out of control? for example if my three yr old touches my laptop i started hitting her without saying dont touch this after beating im depressed oh i bet my kids.this is what happpening for silly reasons n all i hit my kids I think the only way to get through to my children is to hit them.my husbands says nowadays i hate coming home since u r always yelling at kids. i dont have anybody to help me at home.. i have to cook takecare of childrens wash clothes everything if they dont allow me to finish off my house hold work i get angry and start hitting they r lil kids who doesnt know anything but at that moment i couldnt control my anger anybody suggest me how to grow a child in a proper way ...is it right to beat / scold children ? how should i punish them if they r doing wrong.. am depresssed

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Elisabeth - posted on 05/16/2013

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You should not hit your kids just because they don't let you do house work. I am 20 year old with my 1st baby and a lazy husband I also go to School and work on top of that I have to come home and do housework with out any help my 1 year old follows me around crying wanting me to hold her but I don't hit her insted I stop what I am doing play with her attend to her needs then when she's ok I continue to what I was doing. Cooking time is always late I tell my husband if u want to eat on time ether you help me with the baby or you wait it sounds to me like your husband doesn't help you since you say that you have a lot of house work. I think. As a family you guys have to see a therapist it sounds like it a little more than just being depressed. Talk to your husband tell him how you feel let him know that diner is not going to be on time ask him to cook for you sometimes and talk to your kids let them know you don't mean to hit them that you love them and if you feel that they are not safe ask someone to take care of them until you get better.

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 05/16/2013

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I would suggest counseling . I know being a mother is stressful , but hitting your kids and constantly yelling is so detrimental to their spirits. You obviously know its wrong and that's why you feel depressed after hitting them . Children are just learning about the world and need loving guidance. They didn't ask to be brought into this world, and anyone with kids know that our priorities are them and not housework. I'm not saying to just abandon your home , but playing with the kids and having some fun is so much more important .

Dove - posted on 05/16/2013

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Get into counseling immediately... I might even suggest inpatient unless you have someone that can be with your children 24/7 until you can get this under control. It is NOT ok to beat them.... ever. I am not completely anti-spanking, but anything more than a single swat while you are emotionally under control... is too much. In your case with anger issues I would say any type of spanking is too much since you don't seem to be able to control yourself.

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Elisabeth - posted on 05/17/2013

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I would also like to add I know your husband comes home tired from work but he should help you out with the kids or on his days off so you can make time for your self, you didn't make the kids on your own and being a full time house wife is a job also a job were you never get time off he should understand this let him know you also need time to rest just like he needs to rest from a long day at work

Billie - posted on 05/16/2013

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Dear Mary,
I have young children just like you do. I understand your frustration, Kids are very needy. This sounds like depression to me. You need to get some help, talk to someone. when you feel yourself getting to that point, and there is no one to turn to, make sure they are safe with some toys and a gate and go in the other room to gather yourself! It isn't easy being EVERYTHING to EVERYONE in the house and be perfect and stay sane all at the same time. One thing that helped me is letting the house be a mess. Our children will not remember how clean we kept the house when it compares to how much patience we had with them while they were growing up to teach them. I do believe in spanking when it is necessary, but only when the lesson has been taught first. Scolding and spaking with out understanding is in vain and only makes them act worse and you feel worse.

Dont let anyone make you feel like less of a person. We all have these days, even if some do not want to admit it. Its how we react that counts.

Vanessa - posted on 05/16/2013

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Can you go to counseling? Depression can be an awful combination with parenting because it can cut you off emotionally. You must fix your depression. Can you prepare more simple meals until your children are older and more independant? Perhaps your husband will agree to simpler meals if your home was more peaceful in the evening. Or perhaps you could eat later so he could entertain the children while you cook? Your children need more of your loving attention, but you also need to attend to yourself if you can. And write down your daily schedule and adhere to it, it can greatly reduce the stress if you and your children know what you're going to do next. And really, try to enjoy your children. Put everything down, read to them, nap with them, sing to them, tell them stories, loving them can help heal yourself. You CAN stop and just be with them sometimes.
Do you have access to good parenting books? If not, you have the internet full of wonderful ideas and great advice for parents. I think it's great that your reaching out now. Keep reaching, talking, sharing, learning. All parents are making mistakes and learning. It sounds like you already know, the violence is too much. So listen to yourself.
Before you slap or hit, stand up and walk into another room. Quiet you soul before you attend to your children.

Joanne - posted on 05/16/2013

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i bought a few babygates and a pop up travel cot to put the children in to play while i cooked, if they cry then try to calm them, give them toys to occupy while you cook , then take them out when its time to eat, (obviously dont leave them in the travel cot for more than 30mins) its just a little restbite while you are in the kitchen, kitchens are dangerous places anyway, no kids are allowed in my house , hence the babygate to keep them out..never ever hit your kids, you are the adult , they are just babies..if you feel anger then simply place them in the travel cot, go into another room , take 10 deep breaths and go back...you need to be calm, a small tap on the back of the hand and a good stern voice should be enough..if i look at my son in the wrong way it reduces him to tears, he is 6 and i have NEVER EVER smacked in anyway...

Kimberley - posted on 05/16/2013

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Please talk to your husband! Or talk to a family member! Your children are innocent, they learn what we teach them....hitting and yelling is not the answer!! At any cost see a dr and let him/her know you don't feel your children are safe around you bc you get too angry and you are depressed. GO GET HELP BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!!! There is your answer, get yourself right before you ruin or even worse harm your children.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/16/2013

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Kids are not convinient. I am a stay at home mom with 2 children...one in 1st grade. I also have started working part time. Yeah the house suffers, but I would rather have my house a bit untidy rather than beat my kids so I can sweep the floor. Kids make messes, and if all we are concerned about is a clean home....well that is nearly impossible without a cleaning service, or a live in nanny.....or doing what you are doing....beating your children and making a miserable home.

You hitting your kids is only teaching them how to hit, and for NO REASON!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/16/2013

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STOP beating your children, and get some help like YESTERDAY! You are clearly either a troll, or someone who has violent tendancies along with severe depression. Stop taking it out on the kids. It is not fair to them, and they probably don't feel loved. Touching your laptop does not qualify for a beating. Talking to them and telling them to stop touching it is appropriate, or how about playing with them cause clearly they want attention that does not include a beating.

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It is never okay to hit a child, that's why you feel extra depressed afterwards. That said, you are depressed as well and I really think you need to get some help. Can you see a mental health professional? A psychologist or therapist or even a religious counselor? I get the feeling from reading your post you are not in the US, so I'm not sure what is available to you, but you can't fight this alone, and you shouldn't have to.

In order to get things done with my child around, I used a timer. I would play with him for 10 minutes, when the timer rang, I would reset it and say, "I'll be back when the bell rings, you play here." At first, I could only be away for 3 or 4 minutes, then play again for 10, but I increased the time I was away gradually--about a minute every other day or so, until I could have 10 minutes away. Then I started to decrease the time I was playing until it was down to 5 minutes. As my child got older, I could be away longer and longer.

Next, I divided my cleaning and other chores into 10 minute sets. That way I could do them easily between play sessions. I would do 1 bedroom in 10 minutes, then close the door so it doesn't get messed up again, then do a bathroom in my next 10 minutes and so on. I start with the rooms we don't use often and leave the rooms we use the most for the end of the day.

I cut up my cooking as well--during the day, I will chop veggies and such to get them ready for dinner, then at dinner time all I have to do is pop it in the oven or dump it in the pot. Do you have a Crockpot? Those are awesome because you just chop everything up and dump it in the pot, then let it cook all day. It will be done when your husband comes home.

Lastly, he needs to be helping in the evenings so that you can have a few moments to yourself every night. Put him in charge of the bedtime routine--this works two fold because it gives him time to bond and form a relationship with his children (since he is at work all day this is very important), plus it gives you 30 minutes to yourself to sit down and relax.

Mary Ramya - posted on 05/16/2013

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my kids 3 yr and 1yr doesnt allow me to do household work. always they want me to be beside them. if i go to wash vesssels r something they both come n cry .. they r ready to play all that they want is i should b beside them. if this happens how will i cook how to do house hold work? i cant keep maid servant as i didnt get any trustable persons.... suggest me some ideas to lead my life happy.. at what time should i wake up when shud i cook. while my kids sleeping only i was able to cook.i have my breakfast at 11 lunch at 3 dinner at 11.30 all this becoz of kids they dont allow me to cook.my husband vl hate me if this happens regularly.he needs fooods on time. no elders to advice anybody help me

Mary Ramya - posted on 05/16/2013

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oh thank u so much.. parenting class? sounds new.. is there any online class suggest me n thank u so much for ur advice

Amy - posted on 05/16/2013

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Go get yourself some help for your depression and sign up for a parenting class. No it's not ok to beat your kids and from what you describe you aren't even giving your children a chance to correct your behavior you immediately hit them if they're doing wrong.

If you don't want your kids touching your computer at ages 3 and 1 and you can't say don't touch then I suggest you keep it somewhere they can't get to it. You have to stop using your hands and start talking to your children, not yelling talking. Honestly at this point you need to talk to your husband clearly you need serious help and it sounds like your kids could be in real danger from your actions.

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