help me with greedy grandma

Nancy - posted on 10/29/2015 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I want to love this lady called mother-in-law but she gives me reasons not to. Problem is she's looking for opportunities to throw a party for my kids, downside is she collects and keeps all the presents and checks to herself. Then, she rewards herself by getting extensive vacations our new gadgets, and my kids get nothing. She has never bought anything for her only grandkids. When I tell her we don't want parties like this she still goes around and manages to get away with her ways. Please tell me strategies to stop her from throwing these parties for my kids.

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Dove - posted on 10/29/2015

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Stop going to her house... have her come to yours to see the kids.

How are guests leaving money for your kids and giving the checks to Grandma in Grandma's name? That's not even logical... I would flat out let the guests know that if they want to give money to Grandma that is fine, but if they want your kids to benefit from the money then they need to give the money to you because you haven't seen a penny of it.

How do you KNOW the guests are giving the money to Grandma for the benefit of your kids? Have they said that to you? Perfect opportunity to tell the truth....

I would not care one little bit about the money, but I would want to make sure these people know what they are contributing to... otherwise they should be aware that Grandma is scamming them.

Jodie - posted on 10/29/2015

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I would, she's being sneaky and manipulative and I'm sure the people handing over their hard earned cash would want to know about her scheme. Confront her as well. Who cares if she's witty or whatever..she's nothing more then a con and a thief. Call her on it , both you and your husband, and let her know the gigs up and you won't be allowing yourself or anyone else to be conned by her. Best of luck sweetie, you deserve so much better and so do your kids.

Dove - posted on 10/29/2015

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She TOOK your wedding and baby shower gifts?! Oh hell no. I would not have her in our lives. Sorry, not sorry... she's whacked.

Jodie - posted on 10/29/2015

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Are you kidding me?? WOW! what an animal. I would simply teill her exactly what you've told us..that your sick of her using your kids to profit from them.what exactly would she do with kids toys anyways? So the kids don't throw a fit when grandma walks away with their presents?? It doesnt make sense..the cash I can see her taking but gifts for kids? If she insists on it then call the guests and tell them what she is up to and if they want to give gifts to drop them off at your house. She sounds very mentally il. Doesnt your husband say anything??

Dove - posted on 10/29/2015

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I will also add... parties should not be about the presents, but the presence... so if she wants to throw parties for your kids you can tell the guests that their presence is presents enough.

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Nancy - posted on 10/31/2015

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Thank you Jodie! She's too much drama that even thinking about her frustrates me. I want to call her on it but I'm not good at confronting people assertively, I know I would start crying and certainly don't want to do that. She gets invited in return mostly and it's her friends. And DH is mommas boy. If I confront her straight I'm worried the whole family going to take her side and she's already been back biting me enough that rest of my in-laws don't reflect or believe me like they did at first. She lies makes up stories like daily. I know she's mentally sick because when she back bites others, she fabricate her sentences wisely enough to attack me indirectly too, now I'm learning to interpret her language quick enough to respond back. What I have seen is when I reply back indirectly calling her out, she shuts up and becomes little cautious.

Nancy - posted on 10/29/2015

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Yes dove, and apparently everyone thinks in being greedy. I'm so amazed at the fact she's still so active and hyper at this age, I want to be quick witted just like her.

Nancy - posted on 10/29/2015

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Kids are too young to know this but I believe what they receive is there's no matter who collects it, should benefit the child, it matter of integrity. Funny thing is grandma makes noise about loving and missing them but never buy them anything. If it was me, I would feel like buying my grand kids nice toys, good books, clothes, shoes. all she cares about is making them loyal to her only and recognize her, I'm saying this after concluding her attempts to brainwash me during my pregnancy to give her my baby to raise. Well, a conclusion of her personality is she thrives in gossip and manipulation.

Nancy - posted on 10/29/2015

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Yes dove, most ladies are aware. I saw envelopes with checks payable to 'cash' also with our same last names. First she collected our wedding gifts, I never cared at that time and thought of this as may be it's a family ritual or something, I was new in the family and wanted her to like me. Her second fund raiser happened at my baby shower, I was too exhausted and couldn't walk enough to keep track, she ended up keeping all $ most in bucks and checks but there were big number of people attended. also she got away at my first, then, newborns arrival party. She had already announced that what's given to me or her counts as one and stupid me did not had clue to clarify it at the point, this makes me so mad. I lived an honest and simple life so these tricks wee new to me but I'm learning and been labeled by her as clever.

Nancy - posted on 10/29/2015

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Yes Jodie, she uses money on herself and uses boxed presents to give away as gifts when someone invites her. I was so dumb and stupid from the beginning to not setting the tone of what we get we keep rule. DH did not care before until now. I'm little afraid to be straight forward with her since she's too sharp and quick witted for me, creates drama, then I'm labeled the bad one. I have thought to just literally explain her attempts, would this stop her?

Nancy - posted on 10/29/2015

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I wish she understands the value of having grand kids but she only invites people to see my kids so she can raise funds for her next venture. I have seen this three times, our wedding, baby shower, first baby.

Nancy - posted on 10/29/2015

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Her guests bring checks, and at the door when they shake hands they give checks to her. I tried welcoming guests and started collecting but she got my FIL in it too. DH really did not care at the last party. We are due to visit her and she asked me about how everyone wants to see kids. I have told her that we don't want any party, but like before, I hope there's none this time. She had been inviting her friends to see my babies and when guests leave good $$ for my kids and she keeps it saying that she had to record who gives what and return it later.

Dove - posted on 10/29/2015

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She can throw whatever party she wants... you guys don't have to attend. If she throws a party for a child that is not THERE... that's her problem to explain to the guests.

How is she leaving the party w/ all the presents? Why don't you load up the car during the party when the guests are still there... she can't very well make a scene in front of the guests and get away w/ that.

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