Help!! My 14 year old step daughter is not only putting her worn dirty clothes on her bedroom floor when there is a hamper in her room, but now I'm finding dirty underwear with soiled sanitary pads in them shoved in her underwear drawer? Why would someone do that?

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I - posted on 02/03/2014

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Hi, I don't know if anyone can help or give me advice here. My problem is my 13 yr old step daughter, who Ive known now over a year. She lives with her mum, and stays with her dad and i at least 4 times in the year over the holidays. I noticed that every day, most of the time she smells. And when I say smells, some days you gag, and I constantly tell her and her father does to to take a shower,. I am always finding dirty underwear and smelly urined and soiled clothes in her drawers, and I thought this was a new thing, but her father told me shes been doing that since she was 7!!. Now she has gotten her period since last August, and we are finding the smell is worst than ever, even an hour or so after a shower. I have come to the point where I have to constantly make sure everything is washed daily, which is a nightmare. I sat her down on the recent visit, to talk about her period and mood swings. I showed her how to use a pad, and explained to her that Hygiene is important in a woman.I have 3 bins around the house, and explained to her the pads she uses, need to be thrown away, she assured me that she would. Every day I started to check, and I couldn't see any sign of her disposing them. I have also become worried to constantly nag or approach her about this, as my partner kept saying, tell her tell her! in case she gets upset with me, so i gave her the benefit of the doubt because I wanted to trust her and her me. Over the 4 week stay here, we found the room was kept constantly in a mess, and there was a horrible smell coming from in there. I checked briefly, and unfortunately I didn't thoroughly check, I just kept washing her sheets and clothing, assuming that was the smell. In the end, I did a spring clean in her room after she left, and I found over a dozen used dirty pads in all her drawers, ( I Have 3 BINS around!!!) dirty soiled underwear, and smelly clothes . Then I found food in bowls, hidden under the bed, wrappers and lollipop sticks everywhere, and gum stuck on walls and bench. OMG I was horrified. I cannot believe this child, I did try over and over. We have tried telling her mother about this, and she either wont respond or says, she doesn't do that here. The mother always drinks, and neglects her, and so i show her a lot of love as much as I can, but my god, shes a nightmare. I am at my wits end, as my partner wants us to keep her. But how can we help her??? I have tried, he has tried, she just shrugs , says i don't know or puts on the tears. Occasionally gets angry, but wont accept any responsibility. HELP

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Louise - posted on 11/05/2012

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She started a year ago. We've talked about how to properly dispose of pads and she doesn't seem embarrassed about it. She has 2 older sisters that are in college, 21 and 20, and a brother, 19, by my marriage to her father. Her mom died 4 years ago. She has not had much guidance by her older sisters and her dad just tried to make sure the girls were happy after their mom passed. During that time of the month she comes home from school and showers all on her own. Besides her not cleaning her hands as often as I think she should and never cleaning her nails, she keeps her body clean. I'm at a loss.

Dove - posted on 11/05/2012

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That is a possible sign of abuse. I suppose it 'could' be laziness, but that's just gross. Is she embarrassed about having her period? It could be a denial or self esteem issue.



I can't say WHY she is doing it, but I can say that the issue needs addressed and she needs help.... specifically WHAT type of help though... I don't know for sure.



Oh yeah... the dirty clothes on the floor is 100% normal. Not every kid does it, but many, many do.... and some grown ups too ('typically' men...lol).

Cmoline32 - posted on 11/05/2012

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Clothes on the floor sounds like typical teenage behavior. Not sure about the pads though. How long has she been having her period? Is she embarrassed by this in some way?

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