Help!! My 16 year old is pregnant!!!

Kathy - posted on 02/18/2014 ( 55 moms have responded )

103

0

18

OK so my kids were at school and I noticed lately she has been acting strange not wanting me in her room and I thought it was because it was messy and she knows I am a neat freak. So today I thought I would clean it up for her. When I was cleaning her bathroom ( she has her own bathroom) I would a pregnancy test and it said positive, now I thought it was fake but when I keptm cleaning I found books on how to be a teen mom and that was when I freaked out. Later when she and my other kids came home from school I asked her if I could have a private talk with her. I told her about what I found and she replied, " it went by so fast.... one second we were talking on his bed but the next thing I knew was he started having sex with me". Now I understood that it wasn't her fault because I became pregnant with her at age 17 and it was cause of the same reason. I told her that but I told her not to expect her father to be happy. When she told him she started to cry because it wasn't her fault but thankfully he was the one that got me pregnant with her so he understood. We talked with the dad's parents and they said they were mad but adjusted to it. I am happy for her and not happy because I am only 33 and JUST had twins 4 days ago. I have 6 kids( 3 older ones, 3 younger) and the older ones are probably ready to be an aunt but not the younger kids are not. I am desperate for advice and help!!!!!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

A - posted on 02/21/2014

214

4

13

I love when people go to a public website, post private info about themselves on it and ask for advise and then get mad when strangers want a few more details so they can give appropriate advice and say why do you want to know so much about me. It always makes me wonder.

Jodi - posted on 02/21/2014

3,561

36

3907

Are you kidding? Your daughter has been a babysitter so she will know what to do as a parent? Are you even a parent? Babysitting is so far removed from parenting that isn't even a common sense statement from someone who claims to be a parent. And the raping thing? If your daughter said he raped her, then that should be good enough for you. Being happy about a 16 year old having a baby? There are so many things wrong with this picture I don't even know where to start.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/21/2014

13,264

21

2015

Sophie, may I suggest that you educate yourself about pregnancy, because if you think there's something wrong with the 16 yo's reproductive system, you are quite naive.

I have to ask, did her bf 'say' he raped her because he thought that would take the blame off of her, or did he sincerely pressure her? Because that's a fine line, and if he did in fact rape her, there needs to be consequences beyond 'oh, you're going to be a father now'. Forcing someone to have sex is NOT OK, whether you're in a relationship with that person or not. I've been married 25 years, and my husband says that's a big deal for him, that I am not just 'allowing' him to have sex with me becasue he wants to...and if my husband can see that non consensual sex is rape, then all men should see that.

So, this is a twofold problem. If your daughter was raped, her boyfriend needs to be prosecuted for rape, and they need to be ready to be parents for the rest of their lives.

Laura - posted on 02/23/2014

7

0

0

Hi Kathy just want to say your get thru your crisis. That baby has done nothing wrong and you'll all get thru it love. This website is supposed to help people it does the exact opposite. People on here live in glass houses not everyone but some. There rude and inconsiderate. I don't give a shit if they read this and don't like it I couldn't care less. I'd rather ring my mum for advise than ever come on here again. Before you criticise someone on here try walking a hundred miles in their shoes first before opening your big fat gobs.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/21/2014

13,264

21

2015

Ok, and now I'm agreeing with Jodi. In one board, you claim to have been impregnated (by force) at 16, yet in another post, you claim to have had your first kid at 18.

You claim both to be pregnant with twins, and that it was actually your friend who was pregnant with twins...

You've changed the ages of your kids in your posts from one board to another...

I'm tending to be in agreement with Jodi...something smells fishy

55 Comments

View replies by

Dove - posted on 02/25/2014

11,762

0

1349

My point is she is still being allowed enough time and freedoms to get involved in another relationship.... Has she learned NOTHING yet? I know at 16 they are going to do what they are going to do... but getting pregnant is 'typically' a 'wake up' call to many girls that something needs to change... and for many of the girls that do NOT get a wake up call... they are the ones that have 3-4 kids by 20 years old...

Sky_464 - posted on 02/24/2014

1

0

0

It takes two to make a baby. She is 50 percent "at fault" for getting pregnant.

Lisa - posted on 02/24/2014

3

0

0

oh wow. my best advice the youngers might want to help get them involved when I had my twins my son was 22 months and he would elp with bottles and feeding he loved it wanted to help with everything we made it into a great game we bought him baby strollers and two baby dolls. Maybe yo can get the younger kids involved . my mil had my husband at 17 and my bfhad her daughter at 17 we are the same age her daughter is 22 and my oldest is 4 lol. I hope you get through this. Hope she has a safe pregnancy

Kathy - posted on 02/24/2014

103

0

18

I did not encourage her to get involved with another relationship she did. I never said I am totally ok. I am still sorta mad and so is her dad but we have come to realize the truth, she is in a tough situation right now and we are not here to criticize her or get mad at her because she needs all the advice and support she can get. Kerri you are so nice!

Dove - posted on 02/24/2014

11,762

0

1349

Holy moly... your 16 year old is pregnant by rape, she's no longer w/ the guy (thankfully), but already has a new boyfriend and you are ok w/ all of this...?

Wow... Good luck is all I have to say as I would definitely not be encouraging my pregnant 16 year old to already be involving herself w/ another relationship... the ONLY things she should be focusing on right now are school and that baby...

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/24/2014

13,264

21

2015

My dear, if we weren't catching serious discrepancies, there wouldn't be questions.

Hello...LOL...international forum...

And flagging responses simply because you don't like them isn't productive, nor does it solve anything.

Kerri Leigh - posted on 02/24/2014

3

0

0

Hey Kathy! I hope you get through this tough time with your daughter. I am here on Fort Bragg and I have 2 toddlers. If you are near, I could offer fun company for her and perhaps let her have some hands on fun time with the kids. I want to help in any way. Just continue talking with her through this...remember, it was surely not planned and she's just as scared and stressed as you are.

Mathandise - posted on 02/24/2014

24

0

2

People can only help when you tell them the full story is difficult to help when the story is half and other facts are missing.It happens that she is pregnant and you can not reverse the situation.After being raped and falling pregnant she still have another boyfriend did she heal from the rape ?Did she adopt to the pregnancy?Don't take me wrong you also got pregnant at the same age what did you do to prevent this from happening to your gal,don't you think the same mistake will happen to your other gal as well.When you asking advices from ppl don't expect all of them to tell you what you want to hear we all tackle matters differently.

Kathy - posted on 02/23/2014

103

0

18

Yea I was wondering the same thing Gena. I was like who was rude?? Yea that does say it all. I totally agree with Gena, if she doesn't like to hear the truth from moms who are giving advice then she can call her mom.

Gena - posted on 02/23/2014

303

1

655

Oh that says it all Jodi ;) Well,doesnt matter,she can call her mom for advice if she doesnt like to hear the truth from others who are giving advice.

Jodi - posted on 02/23/2014

3,561

36

3907

Gena, Laura is upset because I had a go at her about her boyfriend who can't be bothered with his daughter from a first relationship, and the fact that she told him he wasn't allowed to see her anymore. She's one of "those" new partners. I called her boyfriend an asshole and she didn't like it ;)

Chrissy - posted on 02/23/2014

2

0

0

I will put that up to her she's the one is gonna be the mom but give her all the love she can have n enjoy the grand baby when it comes

Kathy - posted on 02/23/2014

103

0

18

Thanks Laura for encouraging me. I know the baby did nothing wrong and that I will love the baby.

Kathy - posted on 02/22/2014

103

0

18

Thank you Daisy! I will tell her that stuff. I might even have to recommend this site to her!

Daisy - posted on 02/22/2014

4

0

0

I am a teen mom. I'm 19 years old with a 3yr old. I had my baby girl at 16. it's been extremely hard for me. The biological dad isn't there anymore for us. I'm not saying this always happens but in most cases it does. I believe she will be ok if she puts her child first and if she matures. She will have to grow up fast and have to leave the normal stuff a teen wants to do a side. before thinking of going over to friends houses or to parties she will have to think of her kid. I also believe she will be ok. She just needs to keep her head up and stay positive! and by the way im still in school, i work full time and pay bills. I know first hand how all of that is. goodluck to you and your daughter!

Kathy - posted on 02/22/2014

103

0

18

I know you were just trying to help me Jodi and I am sorry! I know the new boy is not the dad but she wishes not to bring it up with her kid until she feels she\he is old enough to understand.

Jodi - posted on 02/22/2014

3,561

36

3907

I just assumed you wouldn't be silly enough to use your real name if you were so paranoid about safety that you keep changing your ages, mixing up your story and refusing to provide the information people are asking for. That's all. People are simply asking for more information in order to make sense of your questions. It's not like we're going to look you up and track you down......I mean, you clearly don't even live in the same hemisphere of the world I do, so that would be a bit TOO paranoid. If you used a fake name, then it wouldn't matter what you told us, would it?

Kathy - posted on 02/22/2014

103

0

18

Yea I know. I hope that he raped her wasn't a joke although I believe it is not. Yea I am going to talk with him and her just to make sure. She is no longer with him. Although he raped her I will miss him because he was a sweet nice boy. She met a new boy though who feels so happy for her and me and her dad really like him. He is so excited for being a dad! I am happy for her and him! It helps soooo much Angel, thank you!!!!!!!

A - posted on 02/22/2014

214

4

13

To me that makes sense. If she said he forced her and if he admitted it then I would. Just make sure you have all the facts so you don't falsely accuse, ya know? Hope this helps.

Kathy - posted on 02/22/2014

103

0

18

Thanks Angel. Yes I think I will take it to the police! I am sorry for getting upset at everyone! I am kind of excited about being a grandma. I want my daughter to know I am always there for her.

A - posted on 02/22/2014

214

4

13

I did read it, you said you were asking for advise. Nothing I said was untrue. My only thing is if she says she was raped, then you need to look into it further not just yell at his parents (or discuss it with them). I would take it to the police. Not in regards to the baby, love the baby, support your daughter (which I am sure you will.)`

Kathy - posted on 02/22/2014

103

0

18

Thanks Alyssa!! Since I was a teen mom I understand what she is going through and I love her so so much and I will love her baby!

Kathy - posted on 02/22/2014

103

0

18

I have a tough enough life already so the last thing I need is for people I admired because they were always so nice to yell at me. I am a normal person going through a tough time so if you guys are making it hard enough. Think about who you are saying your opinions to in a hurtful way.... think about the person who you are saying that to feels.

Sarah - posted on 02/22/2014

3,880

14

1082

Well considering some of those that have responded are also mentors of the site don't think the flags will do anything. Also there has nothing that has been said that a mentor would have action to take against.

Kathy - posted on 02/22/2014

103

0

18

Not using my real name? My real name is Kathy! Do you have a problem with that? She said he forced her but I won't know if that is the Trish. Angel did you read the question??? It says advice and help!!!!! Hey I will post my real first name my last name on here is my maiden name I NEVER use. I never said I won't share a BIT about me. But when people keep asking me some things that make me uncomfortable of course I am allowed to say I feel unsafe. You guys are acting plain rude and I have flagged some of you.

Jodi - posted on 02/21/2014

3,561

36

3907

I'm not sure why you are worried about safety when you aren't using your real name.

Kathy - posted on 02/21/2014

103

0

18

Yea I change ages only for personal safety. I know babysitting has nothing to do with it, I mean she has been with kids so she knows what to do. Hello SAFETY!!! Do you think some moms are concerned about putting private stuff on here? I was so worried to post about my divorce. I only said I was preganat when I was pregnant which was 1 week ago. You know what really is fishy? You guys wanting to know more about me. I feel VERY unsafe. And yea I will never know if he raped her or not! Someday I will find out. What is wrong with me being happy for her? Yea I am a bit mad but I was a teen mother so I happen to understand so you guys won't really know what I am feeling unless you were a teen mom who's daughter is being a teen mom. Now for the teen moms out there.... would you prefer c section or natural birth for my daughter?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/21/2014

13,264

21

2015

Yes, Kathy, if a 16 year old boy, DID rape my daughter, that would have been the first thing I'd have done. And, I'm sorry, honey, but if you were impregnated under similar circumstances, you should have had HIM charged with rape as well.

That's why I question if it was actually rape, or if he thought he would absolve her of blame if he said he pushed it. Sorry, but...poor decision making either way, on the part of the young man, if he pushed her, and on the part of both of them if he didn't.

And you KNOW that babysitting doesn't compare to being a parent. That is such an untruth. It may prepare you for SOME of it, but not ALL...case in point, my friend Jill, who, upon having her first child realized that, while she'd been involved in several activities as a caregiver for children, she'd never been taught to change a diaper, feed, etc...

I'm glad you support her, I'm glad you're both excited, but this situation has a lot of red flags attached to it, in my opinion...

Kathy - posted on 02/21/2014

103

0

18

OK everyone I can not tell if he exactly raped her or pressured her. But I did have a talk with the parents and gave them a piece of my mind(after you guys said friends or not). My daughter has babysat so many times so I know she will know what to do for some of it. The other I will have to teach her. She is no longer with the boy because she did not want that to happen so soon but she is prepared for whatever happens and is getting kind of excited (after freaking out because she asked if there are needles involved in pregnancy and I said yes). I am ready to support her. She might be missing out on some childhood but 2 other friends are pregnant (one chose to have sex the other was actually raped) so they can hang out together. She is planning on finishing high school but then taking online college classes. Hope so far she is doing the right thing. But would you want a 16 yrs old boy to be prosecuted Shawnn? Plus I am not 100% sure he did rape her so until I know I will not report it.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/21/2014

13,264

21

2015

Andrea, I would just like to say Good Job! Sounds like you will be a stellar parent. Good luck with everything!

Andrea - posted on 02/21/2014

2

0

0

I am 16 and I just had my baby 5 months ago. I think its really important to let her know she can't quit school. I kept going to school until the day I had my baby. And after just missing 3 days of school I went back to school. She is goingb to need your support, every day my mom watches my daughter for me and takes her when she wakes up at night some time. Having a child at a young age is scary but with help from you and your children and family your daughter can handle it. I think the main thing you should would be to be there for her and support her with anything she decides.

Laura - posted on 02/21/2014

7

0

0

I myself am now 22. I got pregnant at 16 was a big shock but I decided I wanted to keep my baby. If your daughter wants her baby she can and will. What I never had was love and support of my family instead was critised and made to feel my pregnancy was wrong and disscusting. I found it hard to adjust at first but I then loved been a mum it was an amazing thing to happen to me. I now have another one and I love my children so much. I am a mom no different to any other mom just because I am young does not mean I am inexperienced. His dad is not involved in his life I have taken care of my oldest myself. I'm now in a long term relationship with my youngest father. And having a big loving family is special your twins and your grandchild will go grow up close and and have a brilliant bond you should be very happy

Gena - posted on 02/21/2014

303

1

655

Just wanted to add that if my child was raped,i wouldnt care less who the parents are,best friends or not..and even a sorry from the one who raped wouldnt mean anything to me..i would report it.How does your daughter feel after being raped?Does she still have contact with the boy? Is she getting the help she might need?

Gena - posted on 02/21/2014

303

1

655

Do i get this right?The boy raped her and now she is pregnant and you are happy for them? I would be at the police station reporting the boy for rape and i would be absolutly devistated! If she was realy raped i hope you do something against it.

Jodi - posted on 02/21/2014

3,561

36

3907

Sophie, there is nothing wrong with her reproductive system. 16 year olds get pregnant NOT because there is something wrong with their reproductive system, but because they are physically old enough to reproduce (although emotionally, they are not). I find it bizarre that someone could suggest that it is too young to be physically capable of having babies. I suggest YOU go to the doctors and have a lesson on how the body works.

Sarah - posted on 02/20/2014

3,880

14

1082

You feel happy for her being a teen mom?! Wow! Not that I would not support my child if she was in that position but I would not be happy. I would feel sad. She would have to give up a lot of her childhood. Have to deal with a lot of stress and would have to become an adult overnight. Happy would not be an emotion I would feel. I also would not feel happy with a boy that raped my daughter. I would want to kill him. How dare someone force themselves on my child. Kind of makes me wonder about this story or about this situation.

Kathy - posted on 02/20/2014

103

0

18

She was at his house Sarah so I had no control and bedrooms are allowed only because the door is ALWAYS open and I can check on them WHENEVER I want. Jodi, her boyfriend, Jake, admitted that he did rape and was sorry.... plus I am very good friends with his parents. I am sorry I did not report that but I feel happy for her and him. Since I was a teen mom with her I feel happy for her because I enjoy teen motherhood. OK forget about advice and help for me.... any advice for her???

Sarah - posted on 02/20/2014

3,880

14

1082

When I was growing up we were not allowed to be in our bedrooms with the opposite sex. There were plenty of other rooms would could go to to not be in the middle of things, but there was/is a reason why bedrooms were off limits. This rule also stands at my house. I can't control what happens at other people's homes but I hope that my kids know and respect the boundaries set and the reasons why they are there.

Jodi - posted on 02/19/2014

3,561

36

3907

Well, Kathy, that is rape if he forced you into it. If she was forced into it, it is rape, so she should report it.

I am just trying to say that there are two parties involved in a sexual act, and she is blaming him and claimin git was not her fault, and you are actually agreeing with her that it is not her "fault". This isn't about blame or fault, but about both of them being responsible for the situation they are now both in. The ONLY way in which she was not responsible is if she is raped, otherwise, she does have a level of responsibility for the situation. Continuing to assure her she is not at fault is continuing to tell her she was not responsible for what happened, he was, when in actual fact, they both were, and it is important she acknowledges that.

Kathy - posted on 02/19/2014

103

0

18

I guess you guys are right. I guess I just want to say that because when I had my kid at 17 it was because my now hubby pressured and forced me into it. She MIGHT have been pressured into it a bit but it was her fault to falling for it. Now it was not her fault that she went in his bedroom. I mean don't your girls like privacy when they are talking about crushes. The door was not shut though. So she could have been caught but it would've been to late. Anyone else have advice?? Your advice was good though but I want to have other advice also!

Jodi - posted on 02/19/2014

3,561

36

3907

I'm with Sarah. She needs to take responsibility for that fact that she had a part in this. You can't just keep saying it isn't her fault. But get her some support and counselling to help her make whatever choices need to be made and help her to emotionally manage what is to come.

Sarah - posted on 02/18/2014

3,880

14

1082

My advise would be to connect up with a crisis pregnancy center as they will help her prepare for parenting. They can also get her connected with resources.

There is one thing you stated that I don't agree with. You stated that it was not her fault. I disagree. She was not tied down and forced to have sex. It was a choice she made. There were things she could and should have done differently. Not being in his room to begin with would have been one of them. It may have been a choice she wishes she would not have made, but the fact is is that she did make a choice. It is not just the boys fault as it took two to tangle.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms