help!my 18 year old daughter is having sex with a 39 year old man?!

Nichole - posted on 11/15/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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so here's the thing,my daughter just turned 18 a week ago,she feels like she's an adult now,it shocked me when I heard her talking with her friend on the phone that she lost her virginity to a 39 year old man two days ago! I had a talk with her since I can't pretend nothing has happened,so she confessed to me. that prevent let my daughter got drunk,and let her smoke,my daughter doesn't even know his full name if she didn't see his full name on one of his medicine bottles,thank god he used condom,I'm just so angry that my baby girl is ruined by this sick man,I searched his Facebook and did a background check,he has a decent job,no criminal records,but isn't it weird that he's 39 and wanted to have sex with a 17 year old?! my daughter almost threw her stomach up when she came back home,she told me she went to a friend's birthday party and had some drinks, the truth is that sick took her to the beach spent hours there,and he took her to his place and they spent the night together,I just can't believe my daughter is defending for him,she said she asked him to take her to his place ad she wanted the sex,to me,its just nearly a rape,she was drunk though she remember almost everything happened that day.and now my daughter's final exams are coming up and she just recovered from the hangover,she seems so upset since then,she doesn't want to talk to me,I could hear her crying in her room during the night,she's always been a good girl though she's very rebellious,she's not getting on well with me since she reached her puberty,we almost argue everyday,and she would ran away overtime,I'm just so worried but I don't know what to do,and I got hurt when she said she doesn't want to see me any more or I'm not a good mum or something like that,she's getting on very well with her dad though,but my husband's busy and don't really have much time to spend with our daughter,maybe thats the reason ?it seems like my daughter has something with older guys,cuz I never see her spend much time with the boys at her age,but this 39 man is 22 years older than my daughter,and he has no intentions to date her he just wanted to have sex with her,I just couldn't stand here and watch her to get hurt,I don't know if they are still talking,but obviously its highly likely that she's never going to see him again or she wont be so upset these days,its like he had sex with her player her and dump her,she's still a child though she's very mature in some ways,she does think like a mature adult many times,she's really emotional and lose control easily sometimes,she's far from a promiscuous girl and she never touched alcohol and cigarettes till that she met that man. I wish I can do something to help her in some ways...any mums been in the same situation before?or any advices please help

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Michelle - posted on 11/16/2015

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It's best not to get involved. This won't be her 1st heartbreak and hopefully she will learn not to sleep with the first man that comes along.
Like MaryAnn has said, she NOT ruined, that's your opinion.
My Mum was disappointed in me when she found out I was sexually active but I wasn't made to feel ruined. We had a talk about birthcontrol and ways to prevent STI's. I was also never going to wait until marriage before having sex though.
You need to just be there for her but don't contact him or get involved in any way. This is what she is going to have learn through life on her own, let her grow up and make her adult choices and deal with the consequences.

MaryAnn - posted on 11/15/2015

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You need to let her know you are angry FOR her, not angry AT her. She is NOT ruined, she just made a very BAD decision. And it hurt.

Michelle - posted on 11/15/2015

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All I can suggest is to be there for her. You say that you don't think they are talking to each other so that's a good thing. Don't dwell on him and his age, move forward.
Talk to her and let her know that she can discuss things with you. Don't berate her for what has happened, you can't change it. All you can do is have a calm discussion with her and ask her what she has learned for it all.
She is an adult now and has to learn from her mistakes.

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Nichole - posted on 11/16/2015

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she's in pain now,she said she wants that man...All I did was to listen to her and hug her,but she couldn't stop crying, should I contact that man,I really feel helpless,she wouldn't listen to her father or me.

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