Help! My 18 year old son is becoming a loser, and it's my fault

Jessica - posted on 10/26/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )




My son just turned 18 in June. He did not graduate high school cause he was always in trouble and getting suspended. He does not like any form of authority. I have enrolled him in on line classed in hopes of him receiving a diploma but he doesn't do that work either. The last class he took I did all the work because he refused. He stay home all day smoking pot and doing nothing. He refuses to get a job because he will have to get clean. He feels entitled to everything in our house. He doesn't respect me or the things I have worked hard for as a single parent. He has punched several holes in the doors and everything that is ruined in our home is because he has ruined it. He cusses and me, disrespects me, and I do think he would hit me. He has wrestled me down to the ground before. I have done everything I can do for him. I don't know what else to do. He is making my life and his life miserable. I know I am enabling him by allowing him to stay at my home, come and go as he pleases, treat me like crap and do not one chore around the house. He treats me home like a hotel. He is my only son and his father was never in his life, but when he finally was it was a horrible experience and now his dad wants nothing to do with him. He has disowned him and I know that hurts my son. But I cannot continue to take this abuse. I would do anything for him. I love him more than life itself. He just doesn't get that if he made better choices his life would be fabulous. I want to kick him out, but I know he has no where to go, no money and we live in a very small town where I know people would say I am a bad parent. What can I do. I need some advice. PLEASE


Michelle - posted on 10/26/2015




Well you have a choice, worry about what people think or do the best for your family.
You know what you need to do but you are just making excuses why you can't kick him out.
As long as he stays in your house and you do everything for him he won't change, why should he?
He needs to get out on his own and realize that the world doesn't revolve around him. Sometimes tough love is the only way to get them to grow up.

Dove - posted on 10/26/2015




Since you can't go back in time and undo the damage... forgive yourself for failing him in the past. Talk to a lawyer about eviction protocol in your area and then have a sit down meeting w/ your son. Let him know that he has X (however long it takes before you can legally kick him out) amount of days to get a job and start following... whatever list of rules of respect you write down... or he's out. When that date comes... have the police come to your house, so that you can remove all of his possessions and change the locks.

If he touches you in an aggressive manner at ALL before his eviction date... call the police and press charges. It's time for him to either straighten up or figure out how to survive on his own.

Now... you do not have to do this (or a similar plan of action), but if you don't... you only have yourself to blame for contnuing to be used and abused.


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Grammieann - posted on 10/27/2015




Jessica - My heart hurts for you. I know how much you love your son and how you must wish things were different. Tough love sounds easy, but it's anything but!

I urge you, for your own safety and for your son's sake, to get professional help right away. There is good literature available on setting boundaries (e.g., but a counselor or social worker may be in the best position to recommend the best approach in your situation.

Also, though your son's father is out of the picture, is there another reliable man in his life who he trusts and respects? All young people need mentors, and sometimes they're more open to someone outside the family.

Be strong, mom. I'll be praying for you both!

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