Help!!! My 18 year old son is home from college and doing drugs.

Annette - posted on 08/19/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )

2

0

0

My 18 year old son is home for summer atfer one year of college. Says he's taking a semester off school but will go back. We found out he is smoking pot and taking pills (not sure what kind, he denied all of it) LITTLE ABOUT HIM. Went to a high school for kids that want to be in law enforcement. Was an explorer for the Sheriffs Dept for 4 years. Majoring in Criiminal Justice at a California State University. Has wanted to be in law enforcement since elementary school. He has wrecked his truck 3 times in the last 6 months. We pay his bills as long as he's in school. He did get a job part time at a fast food restraunt. He is very disrespectful, says he hates me and I'm a terrible parent. His 3rd accident he didn't tell us about we found out after the person he rearended, while on his cell phone(which he denied) insurance agent called us 10 days after the accident. A fight went on for 3 days, he said he's not going back to school. He's 18, he's a MAN. He moved out angry. We let him take his bed and anything else he wanted. We told him he couldn't take his truck. We bought it for him but its in our name. We told him he can have it back when he goes back to school. My husband thinks we should give it to him so we have leverage, we can use it by saying if he doesn't go back to school next semester we will take it away. I say we take it from him, take his cell phone and when he goes back to school we will give it back. I'm afraid he will kill himself or someone else in an accident. I said I will pick him up and take him to work, but he cant have the car. He said F__K You and hung up on me. Don't know what to do, he has me believing that I have been a bad parent, but I don't want to give into him. Im not sure if I'm doing whats best for him or myself.

8 Comments

View replies by

Angie - posted on 08/20/2012

254

28

25

Oh...I know & I usually had a new issue to worry about in 3 days with mine; I really noticed the changeover starting right before he turned 19...age 17 to then were some tough years ~ he didn't live at home his senior year of high school & graduated with a 1.14 GPA...whew, by the skin of his teeth & he certainly wasn't making very good choices in life. I learned to separate myself from that...he was 18 and he had to face the good and bad consequences of his choices. I am very happy to tell you my almost 21yo is one of the most responsible, considerate, loving young adult I know...and I'm not being biased. I think he has a new appreciation after being out on his own, not only an appreciation of how tough life is, but a new appreciation for his single mom....Real quick story from a few months ago.....I was going through a conversion at work, working horrid long days, going through a lot with my youngest, dealing with people moving out of a property I own & leaving a mess...I came home to find my oldest at my house mowing my grass "because he wanted to take care of something for me"....I told him he was lucky I didn't cry..lol...Moral of the story, your great kid is in there...18 years of upbringing doesn't go away overnight; he's just struggling I think with some growing pains & pushing some boundaries a little so it's really important for you to stay consistent and try to adjust over to a parent/adult relationship...he can't have his cake and eat it too and it's up to you, being the older, wiser one to show him this next lesson...hang in there ~ it does get better!!

Annette - posted on 08/20/2012

4

0

0

How is your oldest today? how long did it take him/her to straighen up? This has been the longest 3 days of my life.

Angie - posted on 08/19/2012

254

28

25

I wouldn't be letting him have a vehicle that's in my name and that I could be financially responsible for his behavior choices...I wouldn't be playing any kind of leverage games with him because he's going to do what he wants & that's just another battle I would choose not to do with him. He's 18; it's time for you as parents to get your ahhhhh, these are now his choices & I'm not responsible. I wouldn't be paying for a cell phone bill either....18, you want to figure it out on your own, cuss me out & hang up on me....nope, wouldn't be paying for the tool for him to do that. This doesn't have to be a battle, although he will try to make it one. I think they simply struggle with I'm 18 and you can't tell me what to do, but I still want all the kid benefits they are used to. Good luck to you and whenever you are in a situation that you are unsure, don't make a decision right then if you don't have to....wait 3 days and then see where you are at; that got me through the most trying of days with my oldest when he was going through this stage.

Corinne - posted on 08/19/2012

1,288

14

121

Dove took the words right out of my mouth! Let him see what being a MAN is all about. You are not a bad parent for doing the right thing, he's trying to guilt you into changing your mind - don't let him. Good luck.

Dove - posted on 08/19/2012

12,536

0

1354

If he wants to be a man and do it all on his own... let him. He will either realize how good he had it with mom and dad's help and come back.... or he'll make it on his own. He can have his job, pay his own rent, buy his own vehicle, his own phone service, etc.... Or... he can get off the drugs (I'd make him do a random drug test if he wanted to come back) and get his butt back to school (and maintain the grades you know he's capable of making) and mommy and daddy will continue to fund his life for a little while longer.



It's called tough love and it IS what is best for him. Good luck!!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms