HELP my 2 old year old daughter is out of control

Hollie - posted on 03/03/2016 ( 15 moms have responded )

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She doesnt listen to a Word i say. She was in dcfsfor a while and now she doesnt think she has to listen to a Word i say. Can someone help me please

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Sarah - posted on 03/05/2016

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Even in the smoothest running household a 2 year old can cause chaos and believe she rules the roost. Add the complicated past , that she can't understand, all she know is one day here, one day there, one night here, this person in charge, that person in charge etc. So it's going to take time and loads of patience. Two year old don't do well with timeout, certainly no spanking. Rather they respond to redirection, praise of positive behavior and lots of modeling good behavior from you.

Michelle - posted on 03/05/2016

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All I will say is that your children have been through a lot and it will take time for them to respect you as their parent again. They have been moved home a couple of times and have no idea who they should listen to.
Most toddlers are like that anyway but your children have been through more than most. You will need to be patient and consistent with them.

I'll just let you know that if you don't tell us most of the story you will get advice that isn't helpful (like my earlier post that you slammed). No, we don't know everything that has been going on, we have to rely on the OP to tell us. If we know the important info then we advise on what we do know. There's no need to be nasty to us about it.

Jodi - posted on 03/04/2016

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Actually, I wasn't asking you to be honest with us. I was asking you not to be in denial about the fact that this will have impacted on your child/children.

Your daughter is only partially in your custody. You need to be more patient with her. Clearly she has been in the system for some time - she doesn't necessarily recognise you as her authority figure yet. You said you will be getting her back full time soon - she will eventually come around if you are consistent and calm. Dove's advice about how to correct her is good. But don't deny that you being away from your children has not somehow damaged them - it will have created a level of trauma that you don't necessarily see.

Also, keep in mind, if you have only been sober for 3 years, and your daughter is almost 3, there may have been damage done during pregnancy - this will have an effect on her behaviour.

Jodi - posted on 03/04/2016

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Hollie, I think you seem to be in denial that the fact that your daughter has been with DCFS is relevant. You haven't said how long this has been, nor why, and believe it or not, this WILL have an impact on your child. And if you lost her because of drugs or alcohol or family violence, I assure you this has an impact. It sounds like she hasn't been with you for quite some time, so you can't expect she is going to adjust immediately.

You are going to need to exercise patience and a LOT of consistency in the way you approach discipline. Be careful punishing her. Try to catch her in good behaviour and reward her for that, and make sure you can demonstrate to her the behaviour you want.

Michelle - posted on 03/04/2016

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So what are you doing to correct the behaviour?
Are you using time outs or taking away toys?
A 2yo is there to push the limits to see how far they can go, it's up to the adult to set the boundaries and follow through with consequences.

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Tiffanyrysted - posted on 03/06/2016

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I have three children my oldest Joshua is 2 Anora my daughter is one and my youngest Gabriel is 4 months when it comes to children they mainly act out because they want attention they aren't getting try to love on her give her hugs make sure to play with all of them together make sure they know you love them at the same time if they are doing anything bad you should try 1-2-3 magic believe it or not it works wounders even with my two year old by time I get to three the older two know that they best stop other wise it's the corner my son did test me he threw himself down figured he wouldn't have to be in the corner if he wouldn't stand nope that's one way I used the car seat put him in it calmly buckled him in put the car seat facing the corner but make sure you put it far enough away from the corner that your kid can't kick the corner one min for every year of there age is what I use but time doesn't start till there quiet they will learn. That's y were parents I've had to send my kids to family so they didn't get taken I've never done drugs in my life but I know ppl who have keep up the good work try to volunteer for in home services they help you with what you think you need help with they aren't in your home very long but I think you would benifet from them

Hollie - posted on 03/04/2016

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You want me to be honest well okay.. My daughter was taken in to dcfs because i already had a open case for my 3 older childern. I had got mixed up with the wrong people. Was addicted to drugs for quite some time. I have been sober now going a little over 3 years. At the time she was taken I was incarcerated in the county jail for supposedly being associated with a crime that was committed. Was later found innocent but my daughter was already in the system. I have been fighting for her ever since. Now this week she is going to be returned to my custody. I realize it's not going to be easy for her I never said it was. I have patience with her I work with her but it doesn't seem as she comprehens that what I say matters. I also realize that she wasn't made that way over night and she won't change overnight the only thing I was looking for where some strategies on how to control her better. My son was taken from me because she wasn't home yet all my services were complete. I had lost custody of my first three children. I live without that now but I still see them and talk to them. I don't expect her to understand the reasons of why she wasn't with me. The only thing that she needs to know as in never stopped fighting for her. I never gave up and I'll never go back to the way I used to be. Everybody makes mistakes and they learn from them. My two children that I have now I will not fail. For nothing or no one.

Hollie - posted on 03/04/2016

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He hasn't been with me the whole time either I just barely got him back in December so no that's not why

Michelle - posted on 03/04/2016

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If she has a 1yo brother at home and she hasn't been home then who do you think she is going to resent? He has been home with you, of course she is going to hit out at him.
You have to work on building the relationship between them before they get older.

Hollie - posted on 03/04/2016

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Thank you for the advice I appreciate it I'm going to try and see if it works.

Dove - posted on 03/04/2016

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Well... if she hits you firmly (but gentle enough to not hurt) grab her hand and sternly say 'no hitting'. Then in a gentle voice you say 'be gentle' and then you show her gentle by stroking your cheek w/ her hand or gently patting her brother (depending on who she hit). If she persists... you repeat and then you either move away from her and ignore her for a few minutes or that is when you can put her in time out for 2 minutes and tell her... 'since you can't stop hitting your brother, you can't play right now'.

You might not think the reason matters and perhaps it doesn't... but you are talking about a 2 year old who's entire life has likely been in complete upheaval for a while. Her behavior is completely normal for a 2 year old w/ a stable home life... add in the additional upset and it's likely to take a lot of time and consistency to get her through this.

Hollie - posted on 03/04/2016

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She will be home for good on wensday. I had her 5 times a week now. The reason of why she was there is irrelevant. And it's not that I punish her for not listening. She hits her 1 year old brotherhits, pushes him down, smack me in the face she's just completely out of control. I have 5 children and none of them act the way she acts. The of thing of it is it she's not slow she knows what she's doing is wrong what she does it anyway. She's a very smart and advanced little girl. I have patience with her a lot. I am very willing to teacher but I need to know how to teach her.

Dove - posted on 03/04/2016

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She's 2.... Why was she in dcfs? How long ago was that and how long was it for?

You likely have a very confused, insecure little girl on your hands in addition to the perfectly normal stage of testing her limits.

She's not listening to you? OK... perfectly normal (but frustrating). What is it you want her to do and how are you going about getting her to do it other than simply telling her?

She absolutely needs boundaries and consequences... but she also needs a lot of patience and someone willing to gently TEACH her to listen. If all you do is try and punish her for not listening... she's not going to learn how TO listen. She needs to be guided to do the right thing.

Hollie - posted on 03/04/2016

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I do both i put her in time out in the babies crib and take out All of the toys... she and it doesnt work... i make her sitio down on the sofá but she Just don't think ahe has to listen to me... and to take her out in Public is a big misión.

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