Help, my 3 year old son is refusing to move in with me!!!

Sharon - posted on 04/01/2014 ( 14 moms have responded )

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My son has been staying with me at my parent's house since birth. He is now 3 years old. I have now decided to move in an apartment just the 2 of us. His dad is studying abroad. He is rebelling and doesn't want to move in with me. He wants to continue leaving with my parents. I am depressed and don't know what to do. Any advice?

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Fabienne - posted on 04/03/2014

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Hi Sharon,
First of all congrats on taking the decision to move to an apartment with your son. I am sure that staying with your parents and the help they have been giving you it must have been a hard decision to take.
For a child, who has spent all his time with his grandparents, it must be very hard for him to separate. I don't think that a three year old understands quite well why he must leave and stay with you.
So what I would suggest, is to do the move gradually. Maybe you could start with staying at the new apartment once a week and make it special, like have some fun activity planned. That way he will enjoy going there. Maybe either your mom or dad could do a sleep-over too.
Also you should talk to your parents to support you in this big step of your life and let them prepare your son for this.
Good luck!!

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Sowmya - posted on 04/05/2014

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i welcome to see your postings evelyn. i think she(sharon) need some mature advice

Ev - posted on 04/05/2014

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Sowmya--I do not think a new baby is what is needed right now. The child is obviously used to his grandparents and where he has lived for the last few years of his life. He is used to his grandparents telling him what to do and not do or whatever is going on with them and the child. The child NEEDS to learn who the parent is and who the grandparents are and that he can not live with whom he wants. Whether this is done gradually or just quickly, he has to know he can not live with the grandparents forever. I do not remember the OP saying she was married or with anyone right now. And if she was, a second baby is not the answer to the problem. Having another child is not the answer to anything really.

Sowmya - posted on 04/05/2014

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if you are living with your husband why dont you try for second baby? that will refresh your son`s mind, psycologically he will start a new life with you ,

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/04/2014

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Of course he wants to stay with his grandparents, if you've been allowing them to make all parenting decisions, etc.

So, you need to step up and BE the parent. Who lets a 3 year old dictate ANYTHING to them? You need to tell your son that he will be allowed to pick out his bedding, etc, for his new room, but grandma & grandpa will stay in their home. They may visit, but they won't live here.

And, if I may suggest, you should probably stop allowing your parents to make parenting decisions for you. Right now, before you move, otherwise that will be a whole other bundle of crap to deal with.

Fabienne - posted on 04/04/2014

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Happy to hear that, and I am sure you will be doing great!
Would love to hear how its coming along and if you need any other advice I will be happy to try and help:)
Keep me posted.

Sharon - posted on 04/03/2014

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Hi Fabienne

Thanks for your advice and encouragement. What you've told me really makes sense and I am going to try straight away. I will certainly let you know and seek your advice further if there is any thing. Many thanks

[deleted account]

You're making the right decision to move out. I agree to make it gradual. Make it a fun time between you and your son by setting up his new room and getting a cool bed spread for his bed. Tell him you'll visit the grandparents now and then. He's 3, and although he's not used to it, he will get used to it eventually.
Right now I'm currently living with my parents after moving out of our house while my husband is out of state in school. She wasn't used to it at first and wanted to go home, but she has been better. It just takes time. :) Good luck.

Michelle - posted on 04/02/2014

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I'm with the other ladies, he is YOUR son and YOU need to parent him, not your parents. A 3yo doesn't get a choice where they want to live, they go with their parents.
I think you need to step up and be a parent instead of letting your parents do it.

Ev - posted on 04/02/2014

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I agree with Jodi on this. He is YOUR KID! You need to be making the choices here not the grandparents nor the child. My sis lived with my parents for a few years and when she moved her daughter went with her and there was none of this business like you have posted here. Her daughter did not have the choice to stay with grandma and grandpa. She had to go with her mom. I think you are looking for a way out of this and want someone to tell you how to do so.

Jodi - posted on 04/02/2014

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Well, no it isn't. It's you. They are not his parents, you are. It's time for you to step up to the plate. Stop allowing them to be the parents. You are actually enabling the situation.

Sharon - posted on 04/02/2014

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Thanks Jodi. The parent in this relationship is my mum and dad, his grandparents

Jodi - posted on 04/01/2014

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Who is the parent in this relationship? Three years olds refuse to do things. That is normal. It is your job, as the parent to not allow them to have their way just because they want to. Your 3 year old does not get to have a say. Or is he the one running the household?

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