HELP! my 5 month old crys all day unless i am holding her!

Gemma - posted on 07/27/2009 ( 18 moms have responded )

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My 5 month old girl will not let me put her down. She crys unless I or someone else is holding her. I can put her on the floor or in her rocker, she is happy for 5 mins then wants to be picked up again. She needs to learn to roll (which she hasn't done yet) and to play and entertain herself. Its driving me mad as my house is a pig sty and needs cleaning but i cant without her screaming the house down, she's pretty much done it since she was born. Has anyone else had the same problem and if so when did they get over it? Her older brother did not do this when he was a baby he was very relaxed. help!

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Minnie - posted on 07/27/2009

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Please consider women living in primitive traditional societies. They wear their infants strapped to their backs all day long. It is a rare instance when the baby has an opportunity for his feet to touch the ground. He's either on his mother's back or hip, in a relative's lap, or snuggled on her belly at night. And those infants tend to become mobile sooner than your average western baby. None of those children become adults doomed to immobility.







So my suggestion to you is to get a soft carrier like a sling or a mei tai, get her up on your body and go about your day. Don't worry about milestones, she'll reach them. My own nine month old rarely got 'tummy time' as she was always being carried since day one. Always. And at 5 1/2 months she up and started crawling one time when I put her down.







Human infants are made to be and EXPECT to be carried ALL THE TIME. It's in their nature- she's not abnormal. For her, it's a survival instinct.

Toya - posted on 07/27/2009

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i had the same generalproblem that you had. there was only one thing that helped me. when my daughter went to sleep a put my shirt that i was wearing on the side of her so that she could smell me and vey well believe that i was stll there. if that didnt work i would just keeping changing her location from the floor to her swing and back and fourth. i asked my daughter about this and she told me that it is healthy from time to time to let your baby cry. of course not for too long but its okay. the baby will sooner or later stop crying or whinning about being held all the time. good luck!

Minnie - posted on 07/27/2009

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I think it's sad that so many mothers are saying that the needing to be held is a 'problem.' And that they listen to pediatricians who tell them to just let the infants cry.

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My policy always was if they want to be held, hold them. The housework will still be there later but your baby will never be a baby again. I "wore" my babies a lot, especially the one that was really clingy.

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Johnna - posted on 07/27/2009

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My daughter was the same way. I finally gave in and made a sling out of an old sheet. That way I could just carry her all the time. She and I were both much happier after I stopped expecting her to leave me alone. But when Dad came home, I seriously encouraged him to hold her so that I could feel like a person instead of a baby carrier for at least part of the day. She's three now, and she still needs a lot of physical contact with me, but she's well-adjusted socially and very independent when it comes to doing things. The crying eased off when she was around a year old.

Kate - posted on 07/27/2009

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Someone once explained babies' need to be held this way: when you are pregnant with them, you are "holding" them 24 hours a day. Once they are born, even if you are holding them 18 hours a day, that's a pretty significant reduction, from their perspective. They miss being held! So of course they cry for it. It is a developmental need. Children who are NEVER held actually are mentally retarded or even die, even if their physical needs are provided for. (Not that I think anyone on here would do that!) Just saying -- being held IS a need and some babies need it more than others. I don't think babies ever cry "for no reason" and also they will eventually outgrow their need to be held so much. Just hold them when they need it and when they're older they will be happy and independent.

Lacey - posted on 07/27/2009

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I had this problem with my 2nd child and the doctor told me to let her cry, that is she was fed and had a clean diaper to just let her cry and it isnt gonna hurt anything. He told me that is was going to be harder on my than her and i had to break her from wanting to be held all the time. Yes it was hard but after a week she didnt cry as much and then when i did hold her it meant so much more to me. If all else fails try a baby swing or wrap them up in a blanket tightly it makes them feel close i mean all kids are diffrent but this is what worked for me. And dont worry about her milestones it takes time my daughter didnt do anything for months then she started wallkin before she crawled.

Kate - posted on 07/27/2009

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Put her in a sling. There are several different types. I wear my son a lot when I am busy. If I am sitting he is usually in my arms (like right now). He tolerates being put down when asleep because he is in my arms so much (he sleeps with me sometimes).

I would not worry about her learning to roll. She will learn when she is ready. We do "tummy time" sort of with DS (11 days) when he is laying on our chests. He will lift his head and look from side to side and squirm to get comfortable and such, exercising his muscles without being put down.

If you can also have a friend or neighbor come over sometimes to hold her while you get stuff done, or if you can wear her while you do stuff (I like my Moby wrap a lot) that's a good solution.

Molly - posted on 07/27/2009

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agree with Lisa, babies were originally carried arround all day. After two babies who are now wonderful, sometimes challenging 7 and 5 year olds I feel comfortable saying that it is alright to do what ever you need to so your baby feels safe and loved. If that means carrying her around all day in a sling or Baby Bjorn, do it. Think of it as exercise for you! I used a sling with my youngest, he slept best when I was vacuuming the house!

With my first, I was worried about keeping her on a schedule, sleeping independently, tummy time yada yada yada. With my son, I was too busy chasing around my 19 month old to worry about any of that, he slept in our bed many nights, lived in a sling, and had no real nap schedule. They are both great little people who are loving and playful.

Brittany - posted on 07/27/2009

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My son would do that ever so often, but not all the time. But, I did find a solution. They have those jumpy seats that you can get a walmart (Like a johnny jump-up) but doesn't have to hang from arches. I would sit him in that in the living room, and I went to the Dollar General store and bout their "SINGING BABIES" Dvds. Now, these movies got on my nerves so bad, but my son absolutely LOVED Them and he's 18Months now, and he still loves watching it, I'd recomend something like that.

Cathralynn - posted on 07/27/2009

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My daughter didn't mind tummy time cause we got down on the floor and played with her. Don't know if you've tried that. But she did hate napping. I started wearing her in a sling so she would sleep with me while I did things and then we got her to nap in a swing that played white noise. After that we worked out more of a routine with her napping in her crib, but I digress! This was all before 5mo, however. Try getting a bouncer. My daughter liked to sit in it and we would put it up on tables and such so she could see us and the room etc. Eventually we got a jumparoo and moved it from room to room.

Nadia - posted on 07/27/2009

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my little girl does the same thing so i brought her a walker and a jolly jumper so i could wheel her around with me or put her in the jumper when the walker access is not best. this helps because she can see me and as i go i talk to her to keep her entertained... she is slowly getting used to being put down

Vicky - posted on 07/27/2009

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i find boys to be more relaxed anyway, but my lil girl was the same, she always wanted to be help and rocked. so i just had enough by the time i just couldnt feel my arms lol, so i just started to leave her wrapped up so she still had the comfort of the feeling of being in my arms, and its crule but sumtimes u just have to let them cry a while, and it did work after a few attemps......gud luck mate xxx

Heather - posted on 07/27/2009

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I just went through this with my son. You need to buy the book "parenting the fussy baby and High need child".... it will save your live. You basically need to buy a swaddle blanket and just carry her around with whatever you are doing. my son is now 15 months old and still needs to be carried alot. It is just how they are and you cant change them. Also, remember to be really patient, if you stay patient you will see that she will grow into a very confident child!

Mirabel - posted on 07/27/2009

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I've experienced the same thing as yours, Gemma. Give her toys that's moving or talking. I am sure she'll love it. Take care.

Rebecca - posted on 07/27/2009

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I agree - don't stress about milestones. I have 3 kids and have not given any of them the "recommended" tummy time - the first 2 sat independantly before 6 months, crawled early and the 2nd walked at 10 months. The 3rd is only 3 months old, so we'll see if she's the same!



But it would be worth talking to a medical professional just in case there is something else going on (reflux etc). I have found the community nurses to give the time needed sometimes to really talk through all the issues. I'd also recommend your paed. My girls have had milk protein intolerance and were in pain, hence wanted cuddles and comfort - sometimes there is a reason.



If any medical possibilities are ruled out then I like both the ideas suggested by others - wearing a pouch or sling so you can go about your day, and taking some time each day to try to "train" bub that you will come back.



Good luck!!!

Danielle - posted on 07/27/2009

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I had the same problem with my son who is now 2 1/2. It started getting better at 5 months but not great. I bought the rainforest jumparoo and he loved it. It was the only thing he would stay in for longer than 5 min. I also started putting him on the floor with some toys and letting him cry for a few min and then the next time a few min longer until he understood that I was coming back and I wasn't going to pick him up all of the time. I have a 3 month old now and I'm trying not to hold her all of the time. She is much better about putting down. Good Luck!

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