Help! My 7 year old daughter is bullying my 8 year old autistic son.

Aimee - posted on 02/23/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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What is happening here? My daughter 7, is always "knit picking" with my 8 yr old son with ASD. It often appears she "enjoys" toying with him or something, and when I try to give a time out or even say something to her verbally like "No, we do not talk to people like that!" She will test me all the way to the point of nearly having a nervous breakdown. My son can calm down easily after she has caused him to have a what I lovingly refer to as a "mini-meltdown"😄 I find myself teaching HIM how to cope WITH her! So does anyone else have these issues or any other related views on any of this? I am stressing out constantly about my kids, I hate that! I wanna enjoy them, dang it!😀

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Jodi - posted on 02/24/2014

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She does this to you because she knows it bothers you and she is getting the reaction she wants. Turn away and tell her to go to her room and calm down and THEN you will talk to her. If she is screaming and yelling at you for removing her privileges for a set period of time, you tell her that she just got another week, if she continues to scream and yell, tell her that's another week. YOU HAVE TO STAY PERFECTLY CALM AND EMOTIONLESS. I understand that is very difficult, but it is possible. You also have to be absolutely consistent every single time.

I have a 16 year old son and an 8 year old daughter. My daughter loves to argue back. I refuse to engage in it, and I am consistent about that. She ends up storming off to her room, and often she calms down (it takes some time) and she will end up coming out and apologising. Only then will she get my attention.

Jodi - posted on 02/23/2014

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It isn't sounding like there are any real consequences. Time out is not a consequence - it is thinking time or calming down time. But it is not a consequences (such as no TV or No friends to play, or something that will have an actual impact on her). I'm not sure what you mean by testing you. Is she getting YOU into the conflict cycle too? Stop arguing with her. Rules are rules, consequences are consequences.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/24/2014

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In addition to what Jodi has said, she also needs to be taught tolerance, not only for her brother, but for anyone with a disability. If she thinks it's OK now to torment her older brother, then she will grow up thinking that tormenting anyone who's 'different' is OK...nip this in the bud!

You can do this, and you can do it well. You have to have confidence in yourself, and be patient!

Aimee - posted on 02/24/2014

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Yes I believe at times she is, It was easy for me to discipline my older boys but, with her its telling me "No! Im never gonna be nice to Brody!" Plus I live next door yo my lovely mother lol so she threatens me that shes "Gonna move to Grandmas!" Lol (she thinks that since gma is MY mom she can "get me in trouble"😊) I know as well as anyone I am supposed to be in control but, for some strange reason I feel threatened ?or opposed? I tried taking things away it works for about 30 seconds and she spins outta control again, i mean in my face, yelling, making faces (which are funny sometimes but i dont laugh) my husband can swoop in and be the comic relief to "distract/redirect" her but yes I agree There needs to be a consequence but Ive tried no tv,no electronics, even no Grandmas house, Shes too strongwilled. Ive asked for help from the school but, the teachers say shes an angel at school so she must only do this with me.

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