Help! My baby's dad does not treat my son from previous marriage right

[deleted account] ( 5 moms have responded )

I am a mother of 2 children, a 4 month old daughter and a 3 year old son (2 different fathers). I am currently with my daughter's father, but have noticed that my son is not being treated right. When I first began a relationship with my baby's father, he was everything I could hope for, a father figure for my son. He was an authoritative figure who could be strong when disciplining was required but also displayed caring characteristics. I have never doubted that this man treated my son as if he were his own... but lately, I am beginning to see something different altogether since the birth of our daughter (his biological child).

I know he is the father of my baby, but I also have another child from a previous marriage ... I love both my children the same... but he may love my son differently from his own daughter....

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Ev - posted on 03/08/2016

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Jodi and Sarah E.

That part I quoted was in the original post when I found it and answered it. She had apparently deleted it because of my answer.

Ev - posted on 03/07/2016

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"Therefore, after the divorce, my son was very hard to discipline (he was still learning to verbally communicate and because he could not express how he felt, he would scream/cry/hit things). I was at my wits end, but learned a way to discipline him. My disciplining methods were to give him a cold shower as punishment (it wasn't really a cold shower but a luke warm shower) or have him do a push up. Time out did not work on him. I did not agree with spanking...etc... Anyways, it's very rare that he gets a cold shower or has to do a push up because now at 3 years old, he can clearly communicate verbally, expressing his feelings/distinguishing right from wrong... BUT HE IS STILL A CHILD with tantrums, of course, he is still learning and growing."

I have some key issues here that I want to talk about.
First, Even at three and he can tell you how he feels and is learning right and wrong, he still is not able to fully communicate with you on his feelings. There are some he does not have the words for. So in essence, he will still have those fits and crying and so on.
Second, your discipline method of cold showers and push ups. Those should not be used for discipline. You need to redirect his behavior to the ones that you want. You should use "NO" when you have to and mean it and stand behind it. When he tosses fits, activiely ignore them so you are still aware of him and keeping an eye on him so he is safe; the ignoring will help him learn his fits won't get him anywhere. You do need to praise his correct behavior but do not bribe him or give him rewards every time he gets things right. Encourage his doing better. Take things away when he does other things. BE CONSISTENT with all of this and do not back down.
Third, you and your husband have obviously not communicated about discipline of the boy. He is your child and you should be making most of the calls on what is done with him for the actions/things he does that is not right. You both should have sat down and come to an agreement on how rules and consequences are to be done for all children in the house. This would have put you on the same pages. As it stands you two are not on the same page from what I read.
Fourth, As for the dreams: The actions of your husband might be frightening him. The punishments you use could also be traumatizing him and they need to change.

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