Help!!!! My children aren't accepted my by fiance's family.

Amber - posted on 02/22/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My fiance and I have known each other for 6 years, been together for 4 years, and living together for 3 years. I have 2 sons (12 and 9) from a previous marriage, he has 1 daughter (12) from a previous marriage and we have a daughter together (17 mths). I adore my step daughter and my family has accepted her from day 1 with open arms. Unfortunately his family has not done the same with my boys. They never get any acknowledgement on their birthdays or at Christmas and my stepdaughter receives gifts from them. I have bit my tongue for quite a while and even mentioned this year when asked what I wanted for Christmas I replied "Don't get me anything, just buy for our kids" and of course they got nothing. I have asked my fiance many times to say something and he never does. So my oldest son was having a birthday dinner at a local restaurant and I invited only my family (because his family has shown no interest in my children from day 1) Well my fiance invited his sister and kids and I was mad that he never discussed it with me so we had an argument. He then called her and told her that I didn't want her there and that I said she is mean to my kids. (While yes it was true, I never wanted it said to her or his other sister or parents in that way) Seconds later his youngest sister sends me a nasty text telling me that me and my children are no longer welcome at any of their families homes. after that I get a text from his mom saying "You know you just made a BIG mistake" So now I don't know what to do. While I wanted them to accept my children, I did not want to go about it in this way. HELP, I don't know what to do from here, if anything.

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Michelle - posted on 02/22/2016

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I agree with Evelyn, you need to have a talk with your fiance and find out why he hasn't said anything to his family about the way they treat your boys.
This has been going on for a while and he's had plenty of time to talk to them.
If he won't address the issue with his family then you really need to decide if you are going to continue to subject your boys to the situation. Your boys don't deserve to be treated like that and it can have a long lasting effect.

Ev - posted on 02/22/2016

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That is true but you and he need to look into counseling for communication issues. It seems to me that is a part of the problem. You also need to address the issue of his not speaking to his family and finding out why they do not treat your kids the same as they do his child and the one you have together while yours go without. They see this and it impresses on them that these people do not care about them for whatever reasons. It is not fair that some kids get something while others go without. Adults should know better. So what they are not their blood relations! They are their step nephews/nieces and step grandchildren. It would make me think twice about things.

Ev - posted on 02/22/2016

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First, the incident with the child's birthday dinner--You should have left well enough alone. I know it hurt that they did not ever acknowledge your children from an previous marriage before but apparently the way his sisters and mom have taken the message is that you think they are mean and do not deserve to be part of things. You should have taken the high road and just allowed them along and so on. Second, they are wrong for not including your kids. My ex has a wife and her parents and relatives always had presents or money for occasions for all kids, the steps included. I do not understand your fiance not talking to his family about their actions towards your kids but its not been working for this whole time. Maybe you should rethink being with him if his family can not also include your kids.

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Amber - posted on 02/22/2016

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@Evelyn You are right I should have, but I also had no intention of my fiance actually telling his sister not to go. I was more angry at him for not talking to me about her joining us and he got angry and told his sister that I didn't want her there. If I could take it back I would but alas, what's done is done. I did try to call her and explain and even sent an apology text message and she did not respond. So here we are in a worse place than before and no matter what they are my daughters family so there will be no way around them.

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