Help! My ex-husband is smoking pot with my 17 year son!

Samantha - posted on 12/16/2014 ( 13 moms have responded )

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After having my 17 year old son drug tested he told me that his dad smokes pot everyday, grows pot in his backyard and is addicted to "spice". My son says he doesn't smoke pot nor does he want to smoke pot because he does not want to be like his lazy dad. His dad is remarried with 3 other step kids that are adults and all smoke pot in the house as well. My concern is the welfare of not only my 17 year old son but my 11 year old daughter that go over there for visitation on the weekends. I want to protect my kids from this kind of environment, my son threatens that if I go to court for this and get full custody that I will never see him again when he turns 18 (in 8 months) This breaks my heart I am torn and not sure what to do... I need to protect my kids.. will he keep to his words and never see me again? Any advice? any one with similar experience?

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Jodi - posted on 12/16/2014

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This isn't just about the growing of the marijuana in the yard, which in many places is illegal, but the actual SUPPLY of an illegal substance to a minor AND smoking it in front of the children. To me, they are the bigger issues. You need to report the illegal activity to the police, but also report to Child Protection that this is happening. That way it will be investigated on both fronts.

Ledia - posted on 12/16/2014

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If he's growing weed in his back yard, he can't just up and move it on the spot.
Call in an anonymous tip to the cops and tell them that you know he's growing it. Do it enough times, and they'll go check it out, find the weed, and he'll be arrested.

If you live in the US, he probably won't do any time, but you'll have some ammo to stop visitation with the younger child. The older child is old enough in all 50 states now to decide on his own whether he wants visitation or not.

Knowing and loving drug addicts, I can see the kid's perspective. We love the people we love despite their faults until they hurt us so bad we'll never trust again. Once the dad does that to the kid, you'll be fine, you just have to wait for it, and don't stop it from happening. If you keep getting in the way, the kid is never going to get hurt and he'll go through life trusting anyone who makes a promise to him.....and that will suck for him because he'll get used and abused until he finally loves someone enough to let them hurt him enough to teach him not to trust people. Really, having a parent do that is much better for the kid because it means they learn not to trust anyone much earlier than most people do, which means the consequences of their mistrust are smaller.

Sarah - posted on 12/16/2014

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You 'd rather have your son in jail or rehab than dead or living on the streets. Also, time to end visits for your daughter until you make sure her caregiver is clean.

Sarah - posted on 12/16/2014

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If your son confessed that your ex is growing pot in the backyard, call the cops. If your child had a positive drug test, get him into rehab, tonight.

Michelle - posted on 12/16/2014

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If you have proof of what is going on at his Father's house then you really need to report it.
We have no idea if your son will follow through with his threat, we don't know him. You need to think of your daughter as though, it's your responsibility as a Mother.

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Jodi - posted on 12/28/2014

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Candise, it is NOT legal for a 17 year old. I don't think you are getting that part. It is being illegally supplied to the 17 year old. It would be exactly the same as if I chose to supply my 17 year old with cigarettes. It is illegal in this country to supply or sell cigarettes to a minor and I would be prosecuted if I did that. Marijuana may be legal where you live, but it isn't in many places, and it is highly unlikely to be legal to supply it to a minor anywhere due to the potential damage that it does to young developing brains.

Candise - posted on 12/28/2014

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I am not saying it is a good thing but it is a life choice whether you choose to acknowledge that or not it is up to you all I am saying is I have been through this with my sisters kids making those accusations will no help no matter how much you call and complain unless your children are complaining to authorities CPS will not even go look at place without there being immediate danger to the kids and the decriminalized marijuana will not get them inside his home without his permission. I am against lying all the way but what we had to do was send an anonymous email asking someone to check on the kids because the father was passed out with drugs and a gun on the table. They went out immediately. We happened to know that the gun has no bullets and no clip and the kids couldn't reach where he had his weed but it was the only way to get them out there after 2 years of constant complaints and reports something was finally done. Because you the mother they don't take you complaints seriously and because its just marijuana they cannot get a warrant or legally force him to let them in his home to check however if kids are in immediate danger hence the gun and drugs unattended with 4 children under 5 they immediately went out raided house an got kids safely out and he got his. Unfortunately since it was only marijuana and the gun didnt work he was back home the next day

Sarah - posted on 12/18/2014

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Also: I-502 does not preempt federal law. The production, distribution, sale, possession, and use of marijuana is still against, and may be prosecuted under, US federal law. Marijuana use is also prohibited by most employers.
In the four states that allow recreational pot use, you MUST be 21. This argument is absurd. There is an 11yo that is subjected to potential illegal use, production and distribution of marijuana. Call the cops and DCFS

Sarah - posted on 12/18/2014

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It is NOT a life choice at 17 or even 18! Maybe 21 in those states. I don't have my computer accessible right now but I had to respond. To say, "oh well" about a minor smoking pot is irresponsible even IF it happens to be legal.

Candise - posted on 12/18/2014

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Well there's not much u can do depending on where u live. It is legal for recreational use in 2 states soon to be more. It is a life choice and if that how he choses to live you cannot stop him. You can however protect your kids by giving them knowledge on it. Don't say its drugs it will kill u it's bad because those things are not true and just tells ur kids u r a liar. Pot is actually less threatening then alcohol and less addictive. If he your son doesn't want to smoke then tell him not to n don't let no one make him do something he doesn't want to do. U should also keep in mind kids say that when they get caught but he's almost 18 and you can't really stop him either. As for your daughter you cannot use pot as a reason for her being in danger over there but if you can use the way the father is when high. My sisters boyfriend use to get high so bad he passed out kids around or not. They told us that he wasn't doing anything wrong until we told them about him passing out and neglecting the kids. In order to do anything you must prove its not an acceptable place for her and pot doesn't make it unacceptable in the eyes of the law

Sarah - posted on 12/16/2014

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Ledia, while I see your point, I am not sure I agree with the philosophy of just letting your child stand in the path of a drug addict and be subject to whatever turmoil may commence. What if the son gets in the car when dad is high? Worse, what if he is there for the drug bust? At 17 he could be considered an adult accomplice. I realize that he needs his eyes opened to the despicable behavior, but to put his safety or freedom on the line seems irresponsible.

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