Help my husband wants me to go back to work

Jody - posted on 02/28/2014 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Help! I am a SAHM for 7 years. I have a high school son that is in a very expensive private college prep school. I have a second son that took the test at the private high school and found out he is eligible to attend the expensive high

School in the fall. I then have a 2nd grader. Our family has had things very well financially until about the last year. My husband is an attorney and in his own practice. He does social security/disability. Well, the government changed how they pay attorney fees and his fees were cut in half due to this change. Then what was a pretty timely payout by social security his fees have been upheld by social security and they drag out paying for months. We have struggled and been completely humbled

by this experience. Now with bill collectors calling everyday and our cabinets completely empty our house has turned upside down. When my husband went into his own practice he had no idea this would happen. I feel like I am in denial and its going to get better. He works very hard, working 14-15 hour days. He is trying very hard but it has been completely

nuts. I try to give him advice but he always says I don't know what I am talking about. He says he can't tell me what to do but I can tell he wants me to do something. I am scared and depressed. I have broken down crying to my kids and telling them what has happened. I just want to be with my kids. My 7 year old just knows that I am here after school.

That he can have play dates with his friends. I take all the kids to lots if sports activities. I fix things around the house that most people would hire out. I am tired from all this. I just want our home to be happy again. I just want to be at home with my kids. I went on line looking for jobs from your house and it is full of scams. It's ridiculous. I wish I could work out of my house for a few hours a day but I don't see anything out there like this. I keep hoping my husband will get paid and will get caught up but it's like a steam roller. I feel like I would be working to pay for the high school fees and I do not think that is fair. It was my husbands idea to send my son to the private high school.

He said at the time that I should not worry about that. Now, he comes home with fright in his eyes. He is angry most if the time. It's like a complete different person. I feel like I don't know what I am doing anymore. I am so confused. When I ask him will he be operating in the black again to cover our monthly expenses,

He does not answer. He says he feels like crying and the bills are crushing him.

I worked in the corporate world for 15 years and I cannot imagine going back and how it will change everything for my kids. It is so hard with 3 kids spanning many years. I just cannot believe this mess. I did corporate telecom sales and consulting. I just cannot imagine going back to that world.

I do not want to. I now go to get groceries and look at people's full carts of food and wish it was mine. I have never lived like this before. Worrying about food! I am lost and scared. My kids are list and scared too. We try to act like nothing is wrong but it is so hard. my kids are not used to this at all. its hard to be with our friends too. Our friends have no idea all this is happening because it is so embarrassing. i just want it to be like it was a couple of years ago. I started to look at my résumé and it just makes me cry. Just thinking about never being home for my kids. Well, if anyone has any advice I would appreciate your time and feedback.

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/28/2014

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Well, welcome to the real world.

We all need to make sacrifices. Either go join the work force and help support your family so your children can continue to attend their high priced schools, or get them into the public school system.

Michelle - posted on 03/03/2014

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Hoping for good luck won't help, only your choices can help.
I have 3 children, both my husband and myself work full time and the children go to a public school. We live within our means and are managing a big holiday in a few months to Canada (from Australia) where the airfares alone for the 5 of us were over $10k.
You don't have to go back to work in the corporate world but it would help to bring in an extra income. Maybe try and find something that is part time and school hours. I know a lot of mothers that also do night fill.
If you really want your children to go to a private school then see if they full or part scholarships to help pay and see if your children qualify for it.

Rebekah - posted on 03/03/2014

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I always find that when a problem seems unsormountable the best way to get in check is to make a plan. Lay your cards out on the table and have a real conversation with your husband about ALL your options make a plan for if you went back to work, stayed home, changed schools etc. maybe that will give you an idea of which way to go and remember at the end of the day as long as you have each other that is all that matters, easier said then done I know!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/02/2014

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Good luck Jody! I really wish you and your family the best!

Ev - posted on 03/01/2014

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I have to agree with this. There is more to life than just being at home with the kids and now a days with all the ways this economy has been, people are out of jobs all the time and have a hard enough time getting a new one. Your seven year old is old enough to understand that there are changes coming and that you have to work to maintain the life you have always had. But I do agree that the kids in the expensive private schools could be going to public schools and some of them are just as good as a private school. THat would trim up your budget a bit. You could also trim that budget by maybe cutting off the paid tv if you have it, cut other sorts of unnecessary things you buy like more clothes and shoes that are not needed, entertainment, extra things, and even to the point of your kids extra activities. If you can not afford the bills, they do not need to be in the extra sports outside of school for instance....public schools have teams too and though they might have to pay fees for things it would be cheaper than downright going on some league. The point is it may be embarassing but your friends and others will start to notice things anyway. Do not worry about what they think. If they are real friends they will understand.

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Jody - posted on 03/03/2014

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Thank you for all the advice. I am in shock at the responses and great advice from all the moms. I do have my husband and he loves me a lot. I wish I had a magic wand to erase bad decisions on spending money. We have talked and I explained he should think about working for a company and hiw valuable he is so we will see if that helps. I still feel shell shocked at where we are at. We both had a hard time saying no. Some if the activities were very expensive as well. People just seem nuts these days spending $500-$1.5k for sports activities. I should coach kids. It's crazy what people are paying to make them the soccer player or baseball player. We are way overdue for some really great luck. It could be a lot worse, but I am hanging in there. Thank you.

Jody - posted on 03/01/2014

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Thank you to all that responded. I think I just needed feedback. I have no family except my husband and children. You gals were really helpful. Believe me, I probably sound spoiled but it is intimidating after being out of the work force for so long. Thank you again it was really insightful. Although I wanted to hear continue to stay home, I see its get it together and help out! This was great. I feel so much better. Whew! Here I come job market....

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/28/2014

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Good luck with whichever option you choose

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/28/2014

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Well, if you want to continue to stay at home, and your children are enrolled in expensive private schools, I'd say that it's time to enroll the kids in public school or homeschool, saving yourself the private school tuition, and allowing you to stay at home.

Honestly? if you're getting calls from collections, and other past due items, it would appear that your situation has been going on for longer than you'd like to admit here, so really, it is time to face reality, and do what is necessary.

If you want your kids to remain in the expensive school, then get out of the house and get a job to help support that, and help pay your bills. If you don't want to get a job to help pay the tuition, and get collections off your back, then get the kids out of the private school, and use the tuition for other expenses.

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