HELP!!! My kids do not listen to me!!

Tiffany - posted on 12/19/2014 ( 60 moms have responded )

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I have 2 sons... One who is 8 yrs old and lives with his father full time.... ( Will post about that later!) and a 2 yo who lives with me and his father.... Neither of them listen when I speak to them.. They completely ignore me unless I yell at the top of my lungs at them which makes me feel like shit. My fiance doesn't help because he always jumps in the middle of it to tell him to listen to me which I think defeats the purpose of me trying to correct him.... Someone please help me!!!

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Mommabird - posted on 12/22/2014

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It can be done at home. My husband works 6 days a week from 5pm-5am, sleeps from 6 to 1pm and we have 3 hrs with him on those days. Some days him and our son go out to tinker in the yard or play a race car game while me and our daughter make a scrapbook or even just do laundry together. EVERY CHILD NEEDS ONE ON ONE TIME WITH SOMEONE....

Jodi - posted on 12/22/2014

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Oh, and now there is a step-daughter? So the one day a week you spend with him is also not one-on-one time with your son. He is CRAVING time with you and you are not giving it to him. He is having to share you with everyone else in his life. Even when we live with our children full-time, every child deserves to have a little one-on-one special time with their parents without everyone else around. It is a really, really important thing for a child. Your 8 year old is acting out because he doesn't feel important to you.

Jodi - posted on 12/22/2014

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OMG, Tiffany, you asked for advice and people here are trying to give it. You are shutting it down at every single possible moment you can.

You state you were having an important conversation with your fiance. You couldn't have that conversation on the other 20 nights your son ISN'T at your house?

You state that you can't JUST spend time with your 8 year old because you also have a 2 year old to look after? Are you serious? your 8 year old spends ONE NIGHT EVERY FEW WEEKS AT YOUR HOUSE!! I'm assuming your 2 year old is with you full time. Of COURSE you can spend on-on-one time with your 8 year old. Remember, your fiance was home. He could take the 2 year old for a bit for you.

What part of "you are not spending enough TIME with your child" are you not actually getting? In those evenings he is saying he wants to go to daddy's house, why do you even bother to have him overnight if you can't spend time with him? Giving him stuff means nothing. He wants to spend TIME with you.

Jodi - posted on 12/22/2014

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Geez, you have this kid one night every few weeks and you are telling him to go do stuff? Has it occurred to you that he doesn't WANT stuff, he doesn't WANT to go and do things, he wants to spend time and do something WITH YOU? But you are sitting talking to your fiance, who you can see every day, and you tell him to take his brother and "go play" or whatever? What message do you think that is sending your child? Can you not see something wrong with this picture?

Jodi - posted on 12/20/2014

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If you think I am giving no advice other than to stop yelling at him, you are clearly not reading my posts.

Each post you have made, you have given more information. You cannot expect people to just KNOW what your circumstances are.

As long as your child is screaming to go to his father's, and you give in on that, that's exactly what you are going to get. No-one is suggesting you DENY your child his father. However, you are denying the child YOURSELF. Since he was FOUR!! A four year old, a 5 year old, a 6 year old is NOT capable of making decisions for themselves on who the best person is to live with.

I have never suggested he didn't have a say in your house. Please show me where I said that. I suggested that a child does not have a say about where they live because they are not at an age where they can possibly know what is best for them. And yet, you are allowing him to make that choice.

You shouldn't be yelling OR hitting your kid. If you think they are the only two solutions, then maybe parenting classes should be considered. Consider being very calm and tell him no. If he spent more nights at your house rather than giving in because dad spoils him, you may have more success. Because life isn't about getting whatever you want. Your child clearly has not learned that lesson.

Bonding does not happen in the first few moments of life. Bonding is an ongoing process. You can't expect you bond with an infant, then abandon them (in their eyes) and expect those first few moments actually count. They don't. Get a grip on reality.

However, I am beginning to see why this particular child is better off with his father, and it has nothing to do with the "stuff" that dad give him or his father spoiling him. It has to do with you being too weak to actually put your foot down and be a parent.

I've given the advice of having him more frequently at night than you are. However, your continual giving in on that issue is what is causing the problem. So either fix it or don't. It's not my problem. My kids love being in both of their homes, and none of them has a tv in their room here, or is allowed to stay up late, or gets to do what they want when they want. They aren't as shallow as that.

Using your anxiety as an excuse is not ok. If it is that bad that you are suffering anxiety when your child gets upset, then get help. But right now, it's just an excuse. Yes, I have and DO suffer anxiety when in situations of extreme stress. Been there done that. I still manage to have a full time job, two children who live with me (one of whom visits his father on occasion, but he is 17, its his choice what he does there) and two step children who visit us reasonably regularly (although one is now an adult, so again, her choice). When my anxiety interferes with my ability to parent, I seek help for myself. Because I am the problem when that happens, not my children.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/02/2015

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The whole "my boyfriend works nights and can't do anything else" is crap. My hubby worked nights and still managed to spend plenty of time with us, after the kids got home, and before he went to work. He even managed to get one on one time with each of our kids every day!

Amazing how things work in a household that works together to solve things...

Lori - posted on 12/24/2014

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Wrong box's I think I wanted to tell you that my 9 and 10 year old daughters doesn't listen to me either not a lone

Jodi - posted on 12/22/2014

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Well, I've made other suggestions. I'm done. You can keep making excuses or you can find creative ways to fix it. Your call.

Tiffany - posted on 12/22/2014

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My father is completely disabled and can not take care of my 2 yo.. It is not possible!

Mommabird - posted on 12/22/2014

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I think Jodi meant to hint at leaving the 2 yr old with Papa and having one on one time with the 8 yr old.

Tiffany - posted on 12/22/2014

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YES, But at papa's house they don't want to play with mommy anyways they want to play with papa!!

Jodi - posted on 12/22/2014

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Don't you go to papa's house? Is he an invalid?

And there is something VERY wrong if your fiance is only home to sleep and for one hour before he goes to work unless he is working 13-14 hours a day every day of the week. Does he not get days off? You can't negotiate with him on those very few times you have your son to step up and support you with some one-on-one time by getting up an hour earlier? Honestly, ANYTHING is possible, you just have to actually be willing to make changes. You can't expect it all to just fall into place for you if you can't make adjustments too. And if your "fiance" can't make adjustments, then maybe he's not so great either.

Tiffany - posted on 12/22/2014

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YOU ARE RIGHT SHE ISN'T MY STEP DAUGHTER IF YOU ASK HER, HER DAD, HER BROTHERS OR MYSELF SHE IS MY DAUGHTER!!!

Tiffany - posted on 12/22/2014

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Ok so tell me exactly how I am supposed to spend one on one time with him when I have a 2 yo who I can't afford to pay a babysitter to watch and my fiance' works overnight and sleeps during the day and we only see him (my fiance) for about an hour before he has to go to work and that is the time he takes to get ready for work!!!

Mommabird - posted on 12/22/2014

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She is NOT your step daughter. you are not married to her father. And its obvious now why her"caregiver" wont let her live with yall.

Jodi - posted on 12/22/2014

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Whether I missed that comment or not, that is irrelevant. My comment about the stepdaughter and no one-on-one time with your son still stands regardless on whether you mentioned it earlier or not. You are avoiding the real issues.

ETA: I did go back and read and yes, remember reading about the step-daughter now. However, you didn't say that the only time he is with you every week is also the times you have her. I am truly concerned that you are not paying attention to your son's needs from you as a "sometime mother". Again, avoiding the real issues. When you stop avoiding them and trying to justify all of your actions, then you might be able to actually make some parenting changes in the best interests of your children. Your children will listen to you when they respect you.

Tiffany - posted on 12/22/2014

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I was meaning Jodi who was astounded by the fact that I have a step daughter even though I have mentioned her in atleast one of my comments. No I have not mentioned that I was still married. I usually try not to because it is such a sore subject...

Mommabird - posted on 12/22/2014

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Im sorry, but I just read every single comment and I still dont see where you mentioned you were still married......matter of fact you kept saying "Your fiance" referring to your boyfriend.

BTW....technically since you are still married your Husband could ask a judge to not let him spend over night period. Since in some judges eyes its not appropriate for you to have a man living there while youre still married.. Just sayin...

Jodi - posted on 12/22/2014

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LOL, I wasn't suggesting your son should be in your bedroom. I was suggesting you go to the other room to spend time with him. And yes, you can spend one-on-one time with your son. What time does your 2 year old go to bed? It's perfectly possible. You leave the house to go elsewhere for your fiance, they can't look after your 2 year old while you do one-on-one time? Personally, I wouldn't want to have to leave my home for the evening for my mum's boyfriend either. It makes it really pointless going to mum's house for the night if you aren't even at the house and mum spends no real time with you anyway,

But, you know what, Tiffany? You are so full of excuses that I'm beginning to think you don't want to actually do anything to change this situation. You have received plenty of advice on how to get your kids to listen to you. My advice IS about helping you get the respect of your 8 year old. However I am seeing why he doesn't have respect for you now. I wouldn't either if I was him.

I'm done. I've given advice, you've decided it wasn't good enough. Not all advice is going to be what you want to hear. But I'm not the one with the kids who don't listen and don't respect me. So good luck.

Tiffany - posted on 12/22/2014

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Apparently you have not read every one of my comments or else you would have known that before now!! So please before you comment further go back and re read everything SO I can stop repeating myself

Tiffany - posted on 12/22/2014

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We have been separated since July of '09. I want to be divorced and that is a very sore subject!

Mommabird - posted on 12/22/2014

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Hold on....you arent divorced yet?? Whole other ball game. Geez Louise!
HOW MANY YEARS HAVE YALL BEEN SEPERATED AGAIN???


Edit: Im finished with this one. Too much confusion in the story and something doesnt sound right.. Lol

Tiffany - posted on 12/22/2014

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Jodi your right I can't spend alone time with him so just not let him come over at all anymore! My FIANCE WORKS OVER NIGHT SO HE SLEEPS DURING THE DAY AND HE WAS AWAKE BECAUSE HE WAS GETTING READY FOR WORK WHICH WOULD BE ANOTHER REASON MY 8 YO SON DOES NOT NEED TO BE IN MY BEDROOM!!

Tiffany - posted on 12/22/2014

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Look it doesn't matter what you think about how I am doing this. I simply asked for advice on getting them to listen to me but I am seeing it as you are talking crap about how often I have my son. I do not have a court order because I am still currently married to his father. (he won't sign the papers or doesn't file the right ones and I can't afford an attorney) So I get my son when it is convenient for my ex to let me have him.

Mommabird - posted on 12/22/2014

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Ok, doesnt matter what days, but Im confused because earlier you said it was Saturdays. Then you said Friday nights. Now your saying Sunday. So basically its whenever you want to get him..right?


[quote]' ""I said in a post that he spends one night but I have him almost every weekend!!!""

Almost--means not always
weekend--means fri-sun or sat-sun.

Tiffany - posted on 12/22/2014

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No actually we usually get him on Sunday afternoons after he goes to church, then we as a family go pick up my step daughter and let the kids choose what we do. Last weekend was his choice which was to go ride ponies!!! Which we did!

Mommabird - posted on 12/22/2014

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Ok One night a week=friday night. Day time visit a week=Saturday. Is that correct?
Once again though, you just said "almost every weekend....A weekend consists of more than one day, which he does not spend there. The most he spends at your home is One night and One day a week. Correct?

Tiffany - posted on 12/22/2014

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Did you read the part where I see him almost every weekend? Just wanting to make sure because everyone keeps going back to the statement that he only spends one night a week with me!!!

Tiffany - posted on 12/22/2014

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I did not state that I don't really spend time with "the kid" as you put it! I SAID WE GO OUT BECAUSE MY FIANCE WORKS OVER NIGHT AND WE LEAVE THE HOUSE SO AS NOT TO WAKE HIM UP!!! I can not spend time just one on one with him I have a 2 yo that I have to take care of.

Mommabird - posted on 12/22/2014

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Just seems that every suggestion we give you, you shut it down. If youve literally tried Everything we've mentioned and it hasnt helped then your only option is counseling. and your sons father needs to be involved also. Both of you need to get serious about being more involved with him emotionally. Once a week is not going to work in this situation.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/22/2014

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No one is assuming a damn thing, Tiffany. YOU state that you don't really spend much time WITH the kid. You're either at Papa's doing this, or you're out doing that, or you're sending him to take his 1/2 brother to play so that you and your fiance can talk in private...You don't seem to spend time with HIM, one on one, interested in what HE is like, what he likes to do, or play, or talk about.

Christmas present discussions can be held after bedtime or when the kids aren't around, and in the case of his presents, specifically...HE ONLY SPENDS THE NIGHT ONCE EVERY FEW WEEKS AND YOU HAVE HIM EVERY WEEKEND!!! That leaves you 5 days out of each week to have conversations that he need not be privy to.

As its been stated, he most likely feels the most consistency with his father, because that is the parent and person who has always been around, not in and out (by whichever means) of his life.

Mommabird - posted on 12/22/2014

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No one is saying you are a shitty parent. a shitty parent wouldnt try to get advice from other moms. Were just giving you a look from the outside. Sometimes when youre in a situation you dont see things. Were actually trying to help you.

Tiffany - posted on 12/22/2014

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Do you stop what you are doing if it is important and needs to be taken care of right then to draw a picture with your children? I was having an important discussion with my fiance about Christmas and how the day was going to work out because we have 3 Children and only one full time and we need to know what is going on in every situation. I see him at least once a week if not more so I do not see anything wrong with asking him to go draw me a pretty picture for 5 min so I could have a conversation.

Mommabird - posted on 12/22/2014

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I have to agree with Jodi on that....he doesnt want to spend time with the 2 yr old he wants to spend time with you, thats why he came in your room every 2 min. Instead of giving him things to do and telling him to go do it....do it with him. Does he play with Papa when he goes over there? Or does he sit and play by himself?

Tiffany - posted on 12/22/2014

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Ok if you say so.. You read one post and some comments and think you know enough about me that you can tell me pretty much that I'm a shitty parent...

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/22/2014

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Tiffany, you don't get it. YOU need to be willing to change how YOU are parenting. But, hey, that's ok, you just google it, and the computer will tell you how to handle every thing with your kids and their "psychiatric" disorders.

Tiffany - posted on 12/22/2014

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I suggest you read through EVERYTHING before you ASSUME something! Because if you had read through the posts you would have known that I said in a post that he spends one night but I have him almost every weekend!!!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/22/2014

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Bring him over. I guarantee that he'll be just fine at my house, rules and all!

Tiffany - posted on 12/22/2014

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HE ONLY SPENDS THE NIGHT WITH ME ONCE EVERY FEW WEEKS I HAVE HIM ALMOST EVERY WEEKEND!!! And yes I tell him to go in the other room when I am trying to have a serious discussion with my fiance! Ya know it is just a few days before Christmas and we were discussing presents. Should I have let him stay in the room and listen to what he was going to get for Christmas?!?!?!

Tiffany - posted on 12/22/2014

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How about you take him for 24 hrs. Then tell me that consistency works best! Everything you suggested we have tried. If his pediatrician says its over dramatic then I'm going to go with that and agree that it is over dramatic. His fits are well outside the realm of a "normal" fit!! Below is a list of 5 Tantrum Red Flags. My 2 yo displays every single one.

Aggression toward caregivers, objects, or both. If this happened more than half the time in the last 10 to 20 tantrums, it may signal disruptive disorders. "It is not uncommon at all for children to try to kick their moms because they won't buy them an ice cream cone. But if this happens 90% of the time, and you have to take cover to protect yourself during a tantrum, this may mean a problem," Belden says.
Self-injury. Kids with major depression and kids with mixed major depression and disruptive behavior were much more likely than healthy kids to bite themselves, scratch themselves, bang their heads against a wall, or kick objects in an attempt to hurt their foot.
Frequent tantrums. Preschoolers who have 10 to 20 tantrums a month at home, or who have more than five tantrums a day on multiple days outside the home, are at risk of a serious psychiatric problem.
Very long tantrums. A five-minute tantrum can seem like a million years to a parent. But kids who consistently have tantrums that last more than 25 minutes may have underlying problems. "A normal child may have a tantrum that lasts an hour, but the next one lasts 30 seconds. These children with psychiatric disorders are having 25-minute or longer tantrums 90% of the time," Belden says.
Inability to calm oneself after a tantrum. "These kids almost every time require some sort of external force to calm them down," Belden says. "You have to constantly remove them from the situation or bribe them or it will go on and on."

Tiffany - posted on 12/22/2014

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We actually spend alot of time either at my parents or out doing stuff when he is with me during the day on Sat. if he stays on Fri. night because my fiance works overnight and we have a very small house that noise travels through like a bullhorn. We go to his papa's house where he has all kinds of toys that papa finds and fixes for him. At home he has tons of books and toys and movies but when we are there he doesn't play with anything he just wants to ask to do other stuff. I try to find fun stuff for him to do but he won't do it he tells me he can't do it, I.e. was trying to have a conversation with my fiance the other night and I asked my 8 yo to take his brother and go in the living room and draw me a picture. His 2 yo old brother stayed in the living room but every 2 min he was coming in to my room asking to do something different...

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/22/2014

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When mine were in a blue fit (rarely, but it happened), they were given a 5 minute 'cool down' period, and if that didn't take care of the fit, they were put in their rooms to scream, shout, and throw the fit. They knew that, once they were done and ready to behave and act their ages, they were welcome to rejoin whatever activity they'd been removed from.

Screaming, yelling, and pitching the same fit is only proving to your kid that you know how to throw a fit, and if you're going to, why shouldn't they?

Your 2 YO is normal for his age. Enforce discipline. Time outs/chair time for defiance, consistent rules, discipline and rewards go a long way. CONSISTENT. That's what you don't seem to be getting.

Your eldest needs counseling. He's been thrown in between too many immature adults who cannot be consistent in their treatment of each other, or him. The ONLY consistent thing in his life, from what you've said, is his father.

Mommabird - posted on 12/22/2014

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I understand he's old enough to follow rules and he should. By your example you gave it sounds like he deliberatly tries pushing your buttons so you get mad and therefore he wants to go home. You may not give in and take him home but he's aiming for that result by testing you. If you honestly think he wants to go home because he has a tv in his room and he gets to do whatever he wants at his dads then maybe he just thinks your house isnt as fun. Alot of kids are like that. If theyre used to having games to play, tv to watch, aloud to bounce on the couch then a stricter home isnt going to be much fun. Of course. Make it fun! What does he have at your house thats HIS to play with or to do? Any games, movies, books and such that he likes? You dont have to go out and buy him things to make it less boring for him. Spending fun quality time might distract him from wanting to go home. If he feels more 'at home' watching tv in bed to go to sleep then try that and see if it helps. Im just trying to help. You sound frustrated and Im just giving you suggestions.

Tiffany - posted on 12/22/2014

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He is not angry or insecure and doesn't have outbursts! He crys to go to his dads on nights he spends the night with me. That isn't being angry or insecure or and outburst. I have rules that I expect to be followed in my house. Say flopping down onto the couch. If he does it (which he often does) I will tell him to stop. If he does it a second time I will tell him that if I have to say one more thing he will have to sit on the floor. He will end up doing it again and I will tell him to sit on the floor that is when he wants to go to his dads. Or he will ask to stay the night with papa and if I tell him no then he wants to go to his dads. I honestly believe in my heart so does my entire family that he does not want to stay with me because I have rules and I expect them to be followed...

Mommabird - posted on 12/22/2014

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Ignoring the 2 yr olds tantrums is usually the best solution but I personally think in the situation with the 8 yr old Ignoring him is not what he deserves. He's gone through years of people ignoring him and his needs, it might benefit him best if people stopped focusing on his behavior and more on why he's behaving that way. A counselor might be the best way for him to get his feelings of frustration out in the open...someone who wont be judgemental and one-sided. Once you find out where his anger, insecurities and outbursts are coming from, then you can find an effective solution.
Also, the two yr old could be learning some of it from the 8 yr old. But tantrums (to a point) are normal for toddlers. Im saying the severity of the tantrums is from seeing the 8 yr old do it.

Tiffany - posted on 12/22/2014

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What about the tantrums he throws in public? Should I also ignore those? I ignore his tantrums at home to a point. I will not tolerate him screaming to the point I can hear him outside of the house. ( I have put him in his room and stepped outside and could still hear the screaming.) His tantrums are far from the normal 2 yo fits. ( The pediatrician also thinks they are very dramatic!)

Jodi - posted on 12/22/2014

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Me? I'd have him go to his room and let him carry on there and just ignore him. As long as you are being nice to him and trying to calm him down, you are giving him the attention he is after. However, you also need to work on doing something fun in the evenings with him so that he looks forward to staying at your house.

With the 2 year old, he is displaying normal 2 year old behaviour. You have to ignore the tantrums. Stop yelling at him when he throws a tantrum, you are only escalating it. Walk away and ignore him. Make it very clear to him he will ONLY get your attention when he is not throwing a fit. Most children throw a tantrum because either they want attention or want to get their own way. You need to make sure he gets neither. And be consistent about it. Don't run around and tear your hair out trying to figure it out. Just let him know that while he is acting like that, you will not listen to him, then walk away. Go to another room if you must. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

Mommabird - posted on 12/22/2014

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Its not our business but it may have a connection,, depending on the answer(which you dont have to give us). But sounds like this is whats happened....You and his father split he got custody. Had visitation with you until the new woman came into the picture and they had kids. He kept your son from you because his new wife/gf wouldnt allow it. He eventually let you see him again and she left with their kids because of it. So to sum it up, this boy has had nothing but drama and bickering from the adults in his life.. Its possible he feels like noone really cares about him enough to stay in his life besides his father. He feels safe with him. Hes never left him. He may spoil him with material things but who's to say thats whats caused his attitude. Its possible he uses the tv, the dark and etc as excuses to go home because he doesnt want to hurt your feelings by coming out and saying "all you do is yell and boss me when Im here and I feel more comfortable at dads so i wanna go home". Not saying this to hurt you or make you mad but in reality, its possible thats whats going on in his head.

Tiffany - posted on 12/22/2014

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First off the only time he gets put in the corner or yelled at is when I have been listening to it for more than an hour trying to get him to calm down.. So what would you do when you have a child that no matter how nice you try to be or how calm you try to be all he does is "I want to go to daddies!!!"???? Because even my parents my friends and other family members try and eventually end up putting him in the corner.. So tell me that you would do something different in that situation.... When there is more than just me trying to get him to calm down and understand that he can not go to his dads....

Tiffany - posted on 12/22/2014

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I believe my son's father spoils him and the reason being is because (I believe) after we split (he left me for someone else) he had twin boys and the mother was really lazy and did nothing to help with the kids. She was also really controlling and wouldn't allow him to let me see my son.. (That is how the whole thing actually began in the very beginning) I would go long periods of time not knowing where they were.. She would threaten to take his son's away if he let me see my son. Eventually I was able to see him on a regular basis and she ended up leaving and taking his son's and filing a restraining order on bogus accusations and I think he is trying to make up for not having them by spoiling our son. Its only been the last year or so that it has been this way he will throw a fit to go home if he is staying the night. I see him almost every weekend, either he is spending the day with me or he is at my dads and I will go over to see him. Yes, he will go all day without problems unless he is staying over night. I asked him Sat. why he did that and he gave a few different reasons. First it was "I'm scared of the dark at your house." My fiance' has a fear of the dark so our house is never completely dark. He shares a room with his little brother and there is a dimmer switch installed so the light is never all the way off. Then it was "I can't watch TV". There is a TV in the room. So Im not getting a straight answer as to why he does it.. My two yr old how ever is quite different. He is defiant. You can tell him to not do something and he will look at you and do it any ways. He is mean. He hits all the time (Mostly me!) and if he gets into trouble for it he will scream at the top of his lungs like you are killing him.. At one time he would head butt anything in reach to the point his forehead was covered in bruises and someone called CPS on us. (Nothing came of it bcuz the worker seen him do it over not getting a cup of water he was trying to throw at me.)

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/22/2014

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Tiffany, IF YOU WANT YOUR KIDS TO LISTEN, you need to stop yelling. You NEED to work on your parenting.

You are letting the boy choose his residence? At the age of 8? What are your court orders? You need to be enforcing those.

Your child is not going to listen to you when you yell. Do you listen to HIM when HE yells? No, but you certainly yell back, from the sounds of it. Has it gotten you anywhere? No, or you wouldn't be here.

Besides that, you started this as a post about BOTH of your children...when in reality, it's your 8 YO that you're having a problem with. Sounds like there is a lot of things that need to be looked into, starting with counseling. You need some help modifying your parenting technique to NOT include yelling at your children as the only resort you have.

YOu may not LIKE what Jodi's been trying to convey, but she's spot on in her assessment of what's going on, based on the information you've given. At this point, of course your son doesn't want to stay at your house, all you do is put him in the corner and yell at him. Parenting assistance can teach you different approaches that will work much better.

Mommabird - posted on 12/20/2014

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I agree with Jodi, for the most part. So even though her "balls to the wall" approach(LOL) was also good advice I prefer the subtle, more laid back approach. So here's my thoughts on your dilemma...
Your 2 yr old probably doesnt listen because well....he's 2. Lol. Mine is 4 and he still doesnt listen half the time. Your 8 yr old is a more serious matter though so...
Theres no question your son is spoiled and is used to getting whatever he wants...but why? Why do you think his father does it? Do you know? And how many years of the last 4 has he been this way? Im just wondering because I didnt see in your posts whether you said or not, how many days in a month do you see him? We know you get him for one whole night but you said you see him more than that. And you said the ONLY time he throws a fit to go back home is on the nights he stays the night...so lets say you have him one Saturday from 9am-6pm and he knows he is going home that night--will he go all day without getting mad or throwing a fit over something? I have some advice depending on the answers to those questions. (and dont assume you know where Im going with this either and just say what you think is the best answer...if you're honestly wanting advice I will give it to you, Im not here to judge you or criticize you i promise)

Tiffany - posted on 12/20/2014

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You are not giving any advice other than STOP YELLING AT HIM. You told me that my child doesn't know me! He is with me all the time but sleeps at my house only every few weeks... Just because he doesn't go to sleep and wake up at my house doesn't mean he doesn't know me!!! I only YELL after trying to talk to him without getting any where!! I have some anxiety issues and I can not handle him screaming and crying at the top of his lungs to go to his dads... And YOUR children might not get a say in where they live but I will always give my child a choice as long as it is not detrimental to his health he will always have a say.... My fiance has a daughter that wants to live with us and we want her to (I want my son to live with me too but that is not what he wants and I want him to be happy) live with us.. The person she lives with (not her egg donor she is in prison) won't allow it. Not the courts won't allow it but the person she lives with won't and that makes her miserable and unhappy.... I have seen first hand how it affects children of that age to be denied the parent they prefer and I for one will not do that to my children. So as far as your opinion that he doesn't have a say in my family he very much does have a say!!! And if he spends the entire night crying and won't listen then he is going to get in trouble.. I would rather yell at my kids than hit them... What triggers it? Nothing! It doesn't matter where we are or what we are doing. Last night we were at his papa's (who is his fave person other than daddy) and he threw his fit to go to his dads... Bonding happens within the first few minutes of life and my child has a great bond with me. When we pick him up for the day but he knows he is going back to his dads that night he doesn't have a fit... So I bonded just fine with him he would just prefer the big bed and big TV and big house than my lil house and lil tv's and lil bed! He likes to ride horses.. We did that Saturday.. He likes to draw... We did that yesterday... Anything else... I wanted advice on getting them to listen to me.. So far all I have read from you is telling me that I am doing everything wrong....

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