help! my son's grandparents are too involved!

Amy - posted on 04/19/2014 ( 38 moms have responded )

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So my 6 month old son's grandparents (my boyfriends parents) are and want to be way too involved for my liking. They want to see our son all the time and complain to my boyfriend when they don't. Okay yes, they live about 20 minutes away, but what do they expect?? My boyfriend works 50-60 hours/week, gets home at 5:30pm and it's like they expect him to come over every other day with my child after he gets home (granted, my boyfriend is willing to do this once in awhile because he loves his family and wants them and our son to interact more than they do and he also wants to see his family). I am the one who is not okay with this. And my boyfriend also doesn't ever want to invite me to go with because he knows I don't enjoy seeing them with our son---but that hurts my feelings because I want to go with if my son is going. I don't hate his parents at all,i just find their interaction with my son to be overbearing and annoying. They need to stop asking when they're gonna get to see him. If it were up to me it would probably be very, very rarely. They are not bad people at all--in fact, they are very loving and kind and I used to have a very close relationship with his mother before my son was born--but now i can't stand them and i want them to back off. I really, really want to feel better about this and not have such negative feelings towards them and how/when they see our son but it's really hard. They are visiting this afternoon to give our son a bunch of Easter presents, and I really don't know how to feel about it. My head says to just continue behaving/feeling how I have (i.e. last time they visited, i left just before they got here and went to get groceries and didn't come back until they were gone) because it's just easier...but my heart really wants to enjoy their company and have positive feelings about them seeing our son. I just can't stand how much they (especially gramma!) are in his face all the time and holding him and never putting him down!!! Please set me straight with all this and tell me how i can feel better about the grandparents and my son spending time together!!!!

Am I the only person who thinks this is too much??? How involved are your families in your lives with your children and husband/boyfriend???

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jodi - posted on 04/22/2014

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OMG!!! Not computers watching race cars!!!! The horror! And getting dirty?? OMG!!!

Amy, seriously, get help. That's what children do. Your child will have his own personality, believe it or not, and there is a high likelihood that he WILL WANT do all of these things with or without grandpa's help. And it isn't just boys. My daughter LOVES climbing trees and playing in the dirt. She loves playing football. On the other hand, when he was young, my son HATED getting dirty.

Basically, what I am saying, is it really isn't up to you to decide what play your son enjoys. As a parent, LET him enjoy and experience a VARIETY of play and he will make up his own mind. It is not healthy for either of you to stifle him into the little box you have already created for him. You are setting him up for a lifetime of emotional problems if you don't allow him to express himself in the way his personality needs him to.

What are you going to do when your son is school age? Are you STILL going to control how he plays and who he plays with at school? Or is he going to be the type of child that says "my mummy said I can't do that" when other kids invite him to join in?

STOP being so controlling. You will make everyone around you miserable.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/21/2014

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Another "my partner's parents expect to have a relationship with my kid" post.

Why is it that so many women seem to have a HUGE problem with their inlaws interacting with their kids?

In this particular case, the OP perhaps should continue with therapy. She's admitted that she (if she had her way) would NEVER or RARELY allow the inlaws to see the child, and yet gets offended if her partner takes the child to his parents without taking her, even though she's admittedly uncomfortable while in their presence, and that she's harped on this until her partner is tired of hearing it...

Honey, I'd be tired of hearing it too, if you were constantly not wanting my parents to see MY kid!

FYI, just in general, I'd have LOVED for my kids to be that involved with their maternal grandparents. My MIL is SUPER involved, now that we live close enough that she can be. I would have WELCOMED grandparent visits, or having the kids stay there, or whatever, because I had an awesome relationship with my grandparents, and wanted that for my kids. When they were younger, they saw my MIL twice a year, when she or we could afford to visit. Now that they're older, she's closer to us physically, so she's down every two weeks, for 4-5 days each time. IT'S AWESOME!

I just wonder about these over stressed moms. If they aren't even happy having family around, how are they going to handle having to allow their children to attend school and interact with (and be taught by) other adults?

Choosh - posted on 07/23/2014

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OMG - I find your comments annoying. Of course they want to be in your sons life - they are his grandparents and you should want them to have a good relationship with them. The parents of the father seem to be frequently left out - in fact I have a very difficult time seeing my son's son because he's constantly with his maternal grandparents. I try not to get upset about it but - it's rude and selfish that I don't have equal access to him - to the point that I'm getting super frustrated. You should be thankful that they are trying to be good grandparents and stop being so selfish!

Karisa - posted on 04/24/2014

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Ok i read a few posts. Your parenting is something no one can tell you what to do. Well I wonder if you need a news flash. you are keeping your child too safe. That is not good. Boys are boys for a reason, they don't like dolls or dresses or girly things like make up and such. Jump into a bit of reality. I have two boys myself. Let the darn kid play outside and get a little dirty its not going to hurt him!!! Let him be a little loud he is a child! let him play with cars because he likes them! Let him watch racing because he one day wants to do that. Shit my husband is in the army and I asked my son what he wants to be when he grows up, you know what he said "i want to be an army man like my daddy" girl you need a century update. You wont be able to keep that little boy cooped up in your arms forever. He will want to do what the other boys are doing because he thinks its cool.

Amy - posted on 04/23/2014

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thanks to all of you for your help/advice/suggestions. ladies, i think i'm just going to leave this post/conversation where it's at. but i'm sure i'll talk to most/all of you again soon since you like to comment on my posts! lol. :)

38 Comments

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Laura Felice - posted on 05/07/2015

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I totally know how you feel. My child's grandmother (on his dad's side) are way too controlling (they are not legally related) and just had to get boundaries set due to them taking my child from a public place after me telling them no some grandmothers are just not right to be around grandkids that much. I will give you an example: my parents never tell me what to do with my kid, they never talk bad about the other grandparents, they don't argue and especially not in front of my child, and they don't overstep their boundaries at all. now with my child's father's parents it is the complete opposite and it makes me physically sick! Good luck and stand your ground!! Make boundaries and stick to them and if they over step them do it again and again and again until they finally understand that they are the grandparents and not the parent and what you say goes and that there is a reason behind all decisions.

Grace Garment - posted on 04/25/2014

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You should make a Mother's Day when you and your son get to spend the day alone

Cindy - posted on 04/24/2014

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I am a grandmother who wants to see my granddaughter when I can and I bought lots of Easter presents. It is hard to listen to others when it comes to your child you do know him best, but it sounds like your in laws are trying to be a part of all of your lives and that is not a bad thing. Your child needs a healthy relationship with all of you. You should really go talk to someone about how you feel for the benefit of all of you. I hope you work things out.

Jodi - posted on 04/22/2014

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I'm not trying to attack you either, but I am also very concerned about the control you feel you need to have and how this could impact very badly on your life if you don't learn to let go. It certainly won't make you happy. However, there is generally an underlying reason when you feel the need to control everything in your life to this extent and I hope you can get to the bottom of it and find a way to let go a bit and just relax.

Ev - posted on 04/22/2014

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I am not attacking you. I am just trying to get you to see things about boys in general and the other things too.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/22/2014

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Amy, none of us are trying to come down on you for your decisions so far. We're just concerned and seeing a pattern that could leave you in a pretty bad place, mentally.

Please understand that we're trying to help you avoid a bigger breakdown later. I'm concerned for you ;-) I know how hard it is to be a first time momma.

Jodi - posted on 04/22/2014

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Read a book called "Too Safe for Their Own Good". That will open your eyes to the problems you are setting your child up for. It is well worth the read, and might actually make you take some steps back when you start to realise what you are doing to him.

Ev - posted on 04/22/2014

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I have to agree with the other ladies again, get some counseling and quite the controlling. I work with children and have raised two of my own. By not allowing the child to interact with others and get dirty at play, or play at things you consider not so good, or get exposed to things that others find fun, YOU are doing your child in injustice. The world outside your home will not conform to your standards. And there is no law that what has been said is what boys do. But I am experienced with boys. And it is what they do. Most boys I know do get dirty, do climb trees, do get into race cars (nothing wrong with that), do get into taking things apart and putting them back together, and do sports. All of this is natural part of growing up.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/22/2014

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But, Amy, by discouraging your son from active play (climbing trees, running around, getting dirty), you're actually discouraging HEALTHY interactive play.

You have to understand that! You can't advocate 'only healthy things' for your family, and then proceed to discourage a mode of healthy activity because you don't think it's 'necessary'. I know you don't like dirt, I know you don't think that anyone or anything should ever be soiled or imperfect. The reality is opposite of what you'd like.

You can still raise a well mannered, well behaved child. Its actually even easier when you allow them the loud boisterous play outlet. You'll learn this. However, it would be easier on you and all involved with you if you would allow yourself to realize it sooner, rather than later.

Also, stop punishing your partner's parents just because your parents don't spend as much time as you'd like (or however you're expressing that) with your son. Your parents live 15 hours away. His live 20 minutes. There's going to be a time discrepancy. It won't hurt, it won't have lasting impacts. That is, unless you harp on it.

And, yes, my point was that no one will do the same as you with your child. However you missed the part of my point that said "THAT'S OK"! Each individual will interact with your kids differently. Its another healthy interaction that teaches children how to handle differences.

Amy - posted on 04/22/2014

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shawnn- to your first point, i would prefer them to have equal time. and since my parents get basically no time with our son, i don't want his parents to have any (much) time with them either. even if my parents did live closer, i wouldn't necessarily be much different towards them then i am with my boyfriends parents as far as interacting with our son.

to your second point, where is there a law that says 'that's what boys do'? boys can be clean, not have to climb trees, not have to dig in the dirt, not be loud and disruptive like i have seen so many other children be....

to your third point, well, that's exactly my point--no one will ever do things with my child the same way i do--that's the problem.

i'm working on everything, but it'll take some time. :)

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/22/2014

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Amy, you're going to drive yourself insane before the child is 3 years old!

Let me point out a few inconsistencies: You're pissed off because your family 'didn't bother' (in your opinion, anyway) to jump and run right to your bedside when you called them about being in labour, but you're pissed off that your boyfriend's parents (the other grandparents) WANT to be involved! You cannot have it both ways. Either you want family to interact with your child, or you don't! Make your choice, and enforce whichever you decide EQUALLY.

Furthermore, you're upset because grandpa wants to teach the child about...well, lets see...pretty much everything that boys do. You are not raising a showcase piece. This child will get dirty, he will get loud at times, he will run rampant at times...AND HE SHOULD. Grandpa is teaching him just as much about 'healthy' play as you are.

I also must point out that NO ONE is ever going to do things with your child in exactly the same way that you do. Every one of them is an individual, and they will find their own 'special' games and activities that are special to them and your child. You should not dictate nor try to control healthy interaction with your child.

Please, my dear, get some counseling. You're not deficient, you're not a bad parent, but if you continue as you've started, you're going to make yourself, your partner, your extended family & inlaws, AND your child miserable.

Amy - posted on 04/22/2014

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no, there's never an issue of safety..just an issue of what i would prefer my son to be learning or be shown or be around. let me make it clear---no safety issues, no violence, no screaming/yelling, nothing 'bad'.

okay but as far as the car racing for instance, just because grampa is obsessed with it doesn't mean he needs to throw that obsession onto my son. he doesn't need to know about race cars and all that nonsense--he needs educational and developmental things to continue growing and learning. i just know how crazy he is with it and he'd prob sit my son in front of the computer with him and watch/listen to LOUD racing. not happening--not trying to ruin my son's hearing. but sure, he could read a book to him about it.

i haven't kept my family away (trust me, it was a thought since they've made no effort up until a couple weeks ago). had i kept them away, they would NOT have our address and they would NOT have seen us while they were in town. it's just, now that i have a son, i know i would do everything in my power to get to where he is as soon as possible when he tells me his child is going to be born. i def wouldn't let 6 months go by.

Ev - posted on 04/22/2014

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I agree with Jodi on this and I must also point out a few things. First, you can not tell people how to act with your child when playing with them. They are not you and they will do it differently. And if they do not know the games you play then tell them. Communication is key when you want things done the way you do them with your child. Secondly, just because those in your family did not get there when your son was born does not make a good reason to keep them away. How do you know what the reasons are for? It could not have been financially sound for them to make the trip being 15 hours away and would have required a hotel, gas, food, and other expenses. Thirdly, there is nothing wrong with grandpa teaching about racing cars and such. Its grandpa's thing that he wants to share with HIS grandson. It will be the same with the grandmother too. She is not going to do exactly what you want her to. You need counseling greatly and if you do not get it then get over the controlling everything. This child is not just yours. He belongs to your boyfriend too and that boyfriend's parents are within their rights to be able to see that baby. Unless as Jodi said, there is an issue of safety.

Amy - posted on 04/22/2014

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jodi---i don't think the world should revolve around me, but as far as my parents FINALLY visiting (with the exception of my mother and sister) i guess i just compare that to my boyfriends parents because if his parents lived 15 hours away they would have done everything in their power to work around work schedules, get time off, etc to be here once they found out i was going to be having the baby. it was/is THAT IMPORTANT to them. i just feel like it was never that important to my family to meet our son (and my boyfriend for that matter).

and i really do think i have a right to say, 'hey i don't want our son doing that/seeing that/hearing that' when he's with his grandparents if i don't like it/don't think it's appropriate/don't feel comfortable with it. yes i want him to enjoy himself, have fun, laugh, learn new things but his grampa will say things like he wants to teach him about car racing (he's OBSESSED with it) and have him do lots of outdoor things and be loud and dirty and so forth. i'm not trying to go in that direction with my son, sorry. that being said, i get frustrated because i usually don't say anything when i feel uncomfortable with what they're trying to teach him or whatever the situation is though---i keep my mouth shut and let them do whatever because they enjoy his company. i feel like i can't speak my mind but i sure should be able to because that's my son!! i just don't want to hurt their feelings or anything. so, therein lies a big part of the reason i like to keep their interactions limited---if our son isn't spending time with them, i don't have to worry about what he's learning or picking up while he's around them.

Jodi - posted on 04/22/2014

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Amy, you sound like you are holding a lot of anger toward your family. I know it seems like it should, but the whole world doesn't revolve around you just because you have a baby. Women have babies every day - they still have lives to live. How do you know they didn't have their reasons for not coming? My husband's parents didn't visit when I had my daughter. They've never even been to my house. They have their reasons. I had to wait until we were ready to travel to see them. If I held grudges about that, I'd be a pretty unhappy person.

"i just have a problem with it (my boyfriends parents) because they don't do things the way i would do them"

This right here SCREAMS controlling. You need to learn how to be less controlling and just LET them be the grandparents they can be. you can't dictate how you want them to be with your son (unless, of course, there is a question of safety).

As per many of your other posts, you actually need some help to just let go. You are controlling of your partner, controlling of how you want your in-laws to be grandparents, controlling of how you want your family to act, controlling of your child. This is not healthy, not in the least. I think this is calling for more than just counselling with your partner. I think you need some counselling for some of your issues.

Amy - posted on 04/22/2014

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evelyn--my parents live several states away which is about a 15 hour drive. a couple weeks ago my dad and step mom visited (they also brought along my aunt and uncle whom i am not close with so that was kind of uncomfortable while they were here). and then about a week ago my grandparents visited (along with my grandfather's brother and his wife whom i am also not close/barely know----i have no idea why these family members i'm not close with were brought because it was very awkward). i suppose you could say i hold a grudge with my family---and when i say family i mean my dad, mom, sister and grandparents--they didn't do everything they could to get here when my son was first born and now they think they can just show up when he's almost 7 months old and expect me to be happy about it. no. they should have started making travel plans as soon as i told them i was in the hospital and going to have the baby.

yes i def understand grandparents can be helpful---i just have a problem with it (my boyfriends parents) because they don't do things the way i would do them. they don't know the in's and out's of my son like i do. they don't know little things that might make him happy or laugh or things that might make him cry or unhappy. they don't know the funny little games my son and i have together. and grampa wants to teach him about all this racing stuff and teach him about motorcycles and be loud and do 'boy things' with him. i'm not trying to raise him like that. i want him to be well-mannered, quiet--not obnoxious (cuz his grandparents can be a bit 'here i am!!' sometimes). i worry about what he will learn or pick up from his grandparents because i want him to learn what i want him to learn. it just bothers me how they interact with him sometimes because it's not what i would be doing with my son.

Leela - posted on 04/21/2014

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Amy since my son is 10 when he wants to be by his grandparents I drop him off once they're ok with it. My ex lives with his parents so they'd see him anyhow.They genuinely love him and I think it's in his best interest to have as many people who love him in his life. Grandparents can be a god send and there have been times when I've have had to travel for work and they cared for him. Don't put that block up. Let me make it clear though that I have my boundaries and they are fully aware of them.

Ev - posted on 04/21/2014

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Amy,

Grandparents are important part of a child's life. Not only do they sometimes give the parents the chance to slow down a bit and take a break, they offer so much more to the child besides love, care, presents, and other things. They can teach your child about the family tree or history, teach them things, help them learn something new or even have a hobby together when the child is older. As a baby, its about the bonding time that the grandparents can get. They do not live with the child 24/7 like the parents do. Now, I do agree that visits every day or so are not convenient for you or your family but you should have stopped trying to keep them away and opened a once a week visit for them on a specific day. This way your family could have their time too. Its not that hard to do that. My parents were very much involved with my kids when they grew up and even babysat them too. When I moved to another county which made us about 100 mile round trip, they did not see them as much and missed time with them. We can not make that up but we can find chances to spend time together. You can not have it your way only. You never mentioned your parents either. How often do they come and visit?

Amy - posted on 04/21/2014

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siphiwe--thank you. i'm working hard on looking at this all in a different light. i really don't want to spend my time feeling angry that they want to see our son...and i don't want to spend the energy trying to keep their interactions rare/short.

leela--thank you. i'm taking everything you guys have said to heart. how do you and your ex co-parent? do your ex's parents see your child when he is with you or when he is with your ex? and you still speak to your ex and his parents?? if so, you're a much better woman than i am!!

and i'm happy to say that progress has been made: i had an appt today and i was just going to bring my son with, but instead i asked my boyfriends mom if she would want to watch him for a bit (she works from home) while i went to my appt. she said she wouldn't be able to come to our house to watch him because of certain work duties today, but she would be happy to watch him if i could bring him over (prob could've been planned out much better, but i decided to ask last minute). so, i brought him over to her today and they both enjoyed each other's company and i was in a good mood and, well, everyone's a happy camper. ahhh...one step at a time......

Leela - posted on 04/21/2014

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Amy my ex and I are no longer together and his grandparents (my ex's parents) see my child every week. We don't have the best relationship but I know they treat my son like a king. I think Jodi gave uou some great advice which you should follow.

Siphiwe - posted on 04/19/2014

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Amy, l think you are lucky to have such a loving inlaws. l know you need more private undisturbed bonding time with your knew family its normal but play your cards right, there will come a time when its now you wanting their love and attention and if they notice your feelings it will be gone. l would advise you to discus a time table with them for at least twice a week. Life is like a wheel enjoy the upside. Good luck

Amy - posted on 04/19/2014

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thanks. i just always believed that you need to tell your partner EVERYTHING otherwise it's considered being dishonest/lying. i guess i need to re-think things and not feel like he or i have to tell each other EVERYTHING... hmmm..something else for me to work on! :)

Jodi - posted on 04/19/2014

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I'm glad to hear you are willing to hear about some of your own issues.

No I don't tell my husband everything. There is a difference between being honest and not telling the truth. You don't have to tell every single little thing you feel. There are MANY times I just bite my tongue, especially if it really isn't worth the effort. Of course, when you tell something you should be honest. But you don't have to tell every single little thing. You need to weigh up whether it will contribute positively to the situation or not. Men don't want to hear all the daily dramas, so don't give all of them.

Ultimately, though, you need to figure out your feelings on this issue and why you feel the way you do. See how that goes :).

Amy - posted on 04/19/2014

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yes, i plan on going in with an open mind. i'm not expecting it to be tons of fun, but i am looking forward to hopefully figuring out why i am the way i am about this issue and others. i'm also looking forward to being able to talk to a neutral 3rd party who isn't going to tell me that my feelings are wrong. i would love to know why i feel this way about his parents! so you don't tell your husband everything? i just always had it in my head, that no matter what the topic (even my boyfriends parents!) that I should be able to share my feelings with my bf/husband if i'm having an issue with them or feeling a certain way about them visiting my son or whatever it might be... now i'm seeing that i probably should have just shut my mouth, but i know if i had, these feelings would just continue to pile up until one day i'd just snap! people talk about being honest in relationships and i hear 'i tell my partner everything' but i really doubt it. i find it very hard to believe that ANY couple is ever completely honest about everything<-----i was trying, but i guess it's all backfired.

Jodi - posted on 04/19/2014

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Amy, I think if he is sick of hearing about it, yes, it is an issue. But that doesn't make it his issue. If you have talked him to death on this topic, and he is feeling that you are trying to shut his parents out of his child's life, then I can understand his upset. I do think it is important for you to talk to someone. Sometimes, in a relationship, we do have to make a decision on what to talk to our partners about. I am not suggesting you hide anything from him, but just remember, these are his parents you are talking about. He loves them too. Your words are probably hurting him too. If you are constantly on at him about it, he is finding it all too much. After all, our parents are a part of who we are too.

I do think a therapist would be helpful. But just remember, a therapist may steer you in the direction of some fairly harsh realisations about yourself too. I have been through marriage counselling, as well as personal therapy, and it isn't all rainbows and roses. You may have to face some things about yourself that you don't like. Be prepared for that, and be prepared to embrace some changes there too.

I only mention this because some people go into therapy together thinking they will finally get heard and get their way, and that's not the way it is going to be. It is confrontational and often emotional, and you need to go into it open minded about your partner, and open minded about how you will personally move forward on your journey.

Amy - posted on 04/19/2014

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Jodi--yes, i totally realize that i do have some issues that need to be worked out and unfortunately i have come to find that i can't speak to my boyfriend (whom i thought i would/could/should be able to confide in no matter what the issue is) because he's just sick of hearing about it all. :( isn't that in and of itself an issue? i mean, should we be together if i can't talk to him about my feelings about any topic?? so since i can't express my feelings about everything to him, i have gone as far as to setting up an appointment with a therapist this coming week actually. i'm very excited for it and very excited to be able to hopefully start feeling better about everything. but for now, circle of moms is all i've got to vent my feelings!!

Truef--thank you! i will def read the link you posted as well!

Jodi - posted on 04/19/2014

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Except that she hasn't said they are selfish and thoughtless people..... :\

Truef - posted on 04/19/2014

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Hello Amy,

I'm quoting something from my blog that I hope that you will read:

“To avoid all these unpleasant repercussions, you must learn how to be patient with selfish and thoughtless people. You must learn to remain poised and calm under pressure; otherwise, what is wrong in them will show up in you and make you look like the bad guy. Then, everyone is so surprised with your emotional overreaction that they fail to see what they did wrong to provoke that reaction—and that in turn becomes another unjust, upsetting, frustrating, and scary experience for you.

Emotional self-control is the key you are seeking. You very life depends on your responding in a right way to what is wrong with you, so that it cannot get inside and rip you apart."
http://truefeminismnaphtali.blogspot.com...

Jodi - posted on 04/19/2014

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See, I think your view that they should never see him is extreme. Every two weeks is totally reasonable. Given you don't seem to have any real issues with him, have you considered some form of counselling to find a reason WHY you feel this way? I don't think once a week is even too much, but if that makes you uncomfortable, and his request of once every two weeks is making you uncomfortable, don't you think there is an issue of yours here that you have to resolve?

Amy - posted on 04/19/2014

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oh they see him every 2-3 weeks because of me. if it were truly up to only me it would be probably never, but my boyfriend is trying to make me somewhat happy in trying to come up with an agreement with me where they visit every 2 weeks. now, this 'agreement' does not make me happy. but, if it were up to him they would be here or we would go there at least once (if not more) a week. jesus, isn't that too much??? not even for my particular family, but just for a family in general??? don't you think that's too often to be visiting or coming over?? it seems a bit overbearing to me. his parents do have a life that doesn't involve us. and i guess he hasn't been out of their home for long...been with me a couple years...lived on his own early in his teens and then he was in and out of their home for years...plus he was also in the military and fought in iraq for 2 years so he wasn't home at all then. I just can't believe how close he is with them....i find it very overwhelming and frustrating!!! i just want to spend time with my family!! i mean, when you use the term 'family' are you referring to your husband and children or are you referring 'family' as in husband, kids, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc?? because i know when my boyfriend refers to 'spending time with his family' he's also including his mother (because they're attached at the hip!!) :(

Jodi - posted on 04/19/2014

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I do think this is your issue, not theirs or his. How often are they actually seeing your son (and their son)? I know I see our parents MUCH less, but our kids are older, our parents are older (my husband's parents are quite elderly) and both my husband and I haven't lived at home with our parents in over 25 years, so it is a bit different. If your boyfriend has not been out of home long, then maybe his parents are feeling it quite a bit.

Amy - posted on 04/19/2014

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Honestly, I don't really know what my issue is with them (i.e. mostly the grandmother). It's just this feeling I have of not wanting them near my son. Or at least not so often. I really wish I could explain exactly how and why I feel this way. I truly do not hate them as people because they really are lovely and fun people, but I can't get over how much time they want to spend with him!! I want time with my family--my son and my boyfriend--that's my little family. When they want to visit, i feel like they are purposefully interrupting that quality time because they KNOW how much my boyfriend works and how little we get to see him. Yet, they're still going to come over and, well, interrupt our day.

I did feel bad about leaving a couple weeks ago, but I was just so annoyed that they were coming over that I didn't want to deal with it and have to pretend like i was happy. Maybe it's just a new mom thing??? I don't know.... I mean, my boyfriend keeps saying that it's 'normal' for families to visit with each other much more often and do dinners and such...but who is to say what's 'normal'??

Jodi - posted on 04/19/2014

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I am not understanding what your issue is with them. So what if when they are there they hold him all the time? I'm not seeing the problem. They are coming over for Easter. That's actually normal. What is the issue you have with them having time with your child? I mean, leaving and spending the entire time shopping when they come to visit is actually really childish and rude IMO.

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