Chantel - posted on 12/11/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )
Im 45 and have three wonderful kids, all grown up and on their own. My oldest has his own home and does well on his own. Very respectful and called once a week just to talk. He's one that is a giver when it comes to women and have seen him walked all over. But I've stayed out of his personal relationships, except maybe the be careful mom advice. I don't want any of my children to go through or make mistakes that I have and hope they have learned through some of my mistakes. My son is 25 and met a girl 2 months ago and brought her with him to visit. We went out to lunch and she slipped and said she was living with him, maybe they were keeping it a secret. It did not bother me until I found out she just graduated high school 2 weeks prior and has never worked, still don't and moved in with my son because her parents wanted her to go to college and she did not want to go. While she was hear all she did was play video games on her cell phone and not talk much. Okay, so not my first choice for my son but it's his life and I really understand that. My son told me she smoked pot and stopped because she has to get a job and help. While visiting my husband told me upstairs " does he know she smokes pot" ! He told me she went into the bathroom and did it and leaving out all details but I ran right downstairs and said something to my son. I don't wanna see him getting used anymore. He is just out of a relationship and had a really hard time with it. So anyway, yep me mom decided to tell him. He addressed it with her, she stomped upstairs, slamming doors and was making a ruckus upstairs. I did not know he would say anything but I did not know I would get thrown under the bus the way I did. I went to the dentist and came back and they were gone. I asked my husband what happened and he said they left. My son believed her. But the worst part is my husband did not tell them what he told me instead he told them he never said that to me to avoid drama. He sent me an email calling me a liar and lying because I did not like her. Let's just say, he's never ever spoke to me that way and he knows I've never ever lied to him. Yes, I gave him the be careful she's just out of high school and does not seem to wanna work type advice but it was what I feel normal caring advice. I've never been in any conflict with him and never had issues with him. He always called for advice and even when I did not know the girl( the one prior) I told him if he loves her, work it out. My middle son lives with him and before they came out he told me all she does is sit around watch cartoons and smoke pot. Yep, Cartoon Network was on when we went to bed. But okay my issue is I opened my big mouth and told my oldest that I heard she sits around smoking pot and watching cartoons and does not work. So when my oldest got home approached my middle son( sorry don't wanna use names) he denied saying that because he would have been kicked out. And I started thinking... Wait a minute I'm discussing private conversation that happened with my middle son to my oldest and I was wrong for doing that. So I don't want to be the one throwing him under the bus and understand him denying it, we even spoke and I told him I understood and should not have said a thing about what he told me. So boy oh boy got the email and was called a liar for that one too. Sadly, it's all true. But I realize I should have handled it differently and I really feel I should have been here to defend myself. Instead my husband of three years told my son he did not say that to me. I understand about my middle son. He even told me, " mom you know if I told him the truth I would get kicked out". I agreed and apologized and took the heat. I know I should have NOT said a word, I should have just let it go or handled it differently. now he won't speak to me. I told him to call my husband while I'm here and he will let him know what he said and he should be truthful. I've never had to "prove " truth to anyone. I'm unfortunately one of those too honest people and sometimes I've learned honesty is not always the best policy. So here I am blogging on what to do. My son and I were super close. We talk every week, I've helped him with college apps, and relationships and just so many things but he asked me for it. The only conversation I had with her was me asking what her parents did and the normal stuff... She told me she's on medications and her parents still pay for them and her parents wanted her to go to college and she was not ready so moved in with my son. She told me she was lactose intolerant but ate a shake and cheese and I just found it odd, she said that and why am I questioning that? I asked her if there are things she can't eat so when I cook I will make sure to leave those out, that's where " I'm lactose intolerant" came from. I was nice to her, paid for everything while they were here, had the room ready, bathroom all stocked. So excited to see my so . and all I said was something out of concern and now she has lied and my son believes her. I don't think my husband would make that up or my son. I know it's not my problem if she sits on a couch and plays games nor if she does not work and has only known him for two months. I can easily read people. I took my son outside and just said be careful she's young and never worked and "other son" said all she does is watch cartoons and get high. He defended her the whole way. I'm okay with that. But I really did not mean to cause anyone harm, to end my relationship with my son. I know he's one to talk it out and never seen him like this. He obviously likes her and okay. But I felt the need to tell him and it backfired on me. I just wish I said nothing at all. He's never been mean towards me, never talked to me that way and I'm in shock and so hurt by this or I would not being trying to get advice from other moms on a blog at 3AM. What do I do when it's the truth? What do I say....do I lie and say " your right" she did not do that, my husband did not say that to me? I'm not one to lie but do I lie and take the blame? I'm unsure on what to do here, I cannot sleep over this and it's bothering me everyday....