HELP need advice on 2nd marriage

Lynn - posted on 03/04/2017 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I will give a brief background. This is a second marriage for both of us. We have been married 5 years. Both have children from our previous marriages, none together. I paid for most of our house from settlement of my first marriage then we have all the regular bills and I have a car payment. Problems are. My husband dislikes my children (they are well behaved , 1 is in college the other high school), he expects me to pay half the bills and my own car payment, wants to continue paying for his son in college after he is 21 and not putting the money up toward our future. He works part time and basically is not even meeting his bills after child support. He stays home all day to gamble online and that is why he doesn't work full time. Gambling makes him miserable and takes time away from activities that we could be doing together. I love him but I feel like I'm not being treated fairly. When I try to talk to him about it I'm being a bitch and he points out all the stuff he does do. Any advice????

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Oddxbabexout - posted on 03/09/2017

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I want to comment further than saying, "I hope you two come to an agreement." but because of my disagreement with the type of arrangement you have, I cannot. I think you are being treated unfairly, but I would be very surprised if you weren't aware of his work ethic and gambling problem prior to marrying him..

best of luck.

Sarah - posted on 03/07/2017

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I am with Ev, I am not sure BadLies advice is helpful.
Lynn, before any of the issues about your kids etc get addressed, IMO you need to deal with the gambling. First, you need to protect your finances. I hope you have your own accounts etc. He is going to get defensive every time you bring it up- so prepare yourself to bring it up one last time and follow thru with whatever you need to do. If you want to live with a gambler, that is up to you. If you want him to quit then you have got to be ready to take every step (including selling the house and leaving) to make it clear you will not continue to enable his addiction. If he were a drug addict, how far would you go to get him clean?
Once you deal with the gambling, I suspect the other issues will fall into place. I family budget based on income and shared expense is always a good idea. After each of you meets his/her family obligation, you are each free to do whatever you please with your extra money. Good Luck

Ev - posted on 03/07/2017

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Badlies Jefferies--Her marriage needs work. I am not sure what you really are suggesting for her to do with these ideas.

Alexusjeffries4 - posted on 03/07/2017

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Stop just letting him talk to you anyway type of one for 1. For 2 when he tries to throw in your face what he pays for tell him thank you that's your job isn't it. Or throw in (Ain't it)if you wanna be ghetto lol. And for three if he doesn't what to go out with you and he wants to gamble let him sit there and waste his life and you go out with some friends or some family members to a club dance around or something live your life because you might only have 1. My Grandma always use to say birds of a feather flop together. Don't stay at the house when he decides to stay especially if you have a car. Get out with your family. And about your babies if he doesn't like them whatever fuck him those are his issue and you don't need to worry about those let him keep em you have your own issues to deal with. Bring your kids around More a lot as much as you can get them there fuck the fact that he doesn't like them girl bring them around start having get togethers at the house with family his to if they wanna come or if you feel like dealing with them lol. Love your kids first because trust me they love you the most. And you can still love on yo man girl kiss em touch em do whatever you go do. I like to keep it real lol but just try to have a good time watch when he see's you leaving the house going out with friends and family one day he's gonna want to join you

Michelle - posted on 03/04/2017

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This really should have been discussed well before now.
He actually needs help with the gambling though. It won't get better if he doesn't stop it.
I would advise you see a lawyer and accountant to make sure that you don't lose everything because of his gambling. It's a serious illness and can ruin lives!!!

Ev - posted on 03/04/2017

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You guys ever sit down and discuss the way things were going to be like how bills would be paid, and other issues like that.

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