Help! Need aide in telling my teenager of possibly have a different father!

Pocahantas55 - posted on 07/12/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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It is a possibility that the father my daughter knowns is not her real father and he is now requesting a DNA test to be done, asap!

First of all he has always been an absent father and no child support. He is now fighting a suspension on his DL and he has been insisting to drop him from child support. Because I have not agreed to this, he is now requesting for this to be done. Which it is a possibility because I revealed it to him abt 5 years ago. He did not want to do anything than nor was he really in her life financially or emotionally. My daughther does not want to have anything with him and consider my father , her grandpa her dad. I am really worry the affect it will have on my daughter, i love her dearly and have always done everything for her. I have had two jobs and maintained her in a private school all her life, she is now a senior and I dont know how this will have an impact on her. I was scared when all this occured and didnt know what to do, so i never said nothing. The other possible dad is aware of the posibilty but felt he was never the dad.

Can someone please advise in how to help my daughter deal with this and how I can inform her of this....to make it better for her.

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Pocahantas55 - posted on 09/05/2012

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Thanks Kappy,



I appreciate your encouraging thoughts and I hope my daughter does not hate me in the end. I love her dearly and have always done what I thought would be in her best interest. However, I know this is a huge thing and can definitely have her question who she is as a person. I just hope this does not hurt her soo much.

Kappy - posted on 07/13/2012

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Oh wow. I think I would talk to my daughter about it. Perhaps she would be relieved if it turned out this guy was not her dad! See if she is interested in the DNA test. She is a senior in High School & you know her best, but perhaps she is mature enough to hear about this.

You could start by saying that you want to talk to her about her dad. You could tell her you have wondered sometimes if this other guy might actually be her father... and then go into why you thought it was the guy who has been acting as Dad all these years. Now, in light of the fact that he is not such a great guy, would she be interested in finding out if it really is him? If not, tell your ex to go jump in a lake. He is in the Birth Certificate and that will just have to do.

Sorry it is a hard time. Remind your daighter that she is her own perosn no matter who donated the sperm to create her and how much you adore her and are happy she was created - even if it wasn't by such a great guy. She has a chance to choose better for the child she may have someday. Encourage her to do so! Good luck!

Pocahantas55 - posted on 07/13/2012

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Thanks Tina,
I had not thought of that yet but your right she will need one. Hope they have some free ones somewhere local....

I havent told her yet and Im scared but it needs to come out soon. He still insists coming here Monday to disclose all this.

Thank you!!

Tina - posted on 07/12/2012

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It might be best to seek a councellor and discuss your concerns. She may also need someone else to talk to. Might be helpful for the both of you to get some things off your chest. Might be a good idea to just to talk to her ask how she feels and what she wants.

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