G - posted on 12/15/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )
My husband complains to me that I am to harsh with my almost 5 yr old. That I yell too much and get after her about stupid things (and I agree I do some times, but when you have told her to pick something up for the 5th time or she has asked the same question 5 times in a row, you get frustrated). When I know she knows where things go, etc. (He feels like she shouldn’t have to pick up everything all the time. I want her to pick up when she is done playing.)
I blame a lot of my frustration on the fact that I worked in childcare for 13 yrs (so I had to deal with other people’s children before having my own).
When he gets frustrated with me he brings up how his mom disciplined him as a child and he has horrible memories of it (which I then tell him that he still needs to deal with that on his own). The conversation between me and him ends up turning into an argument or me upset because I feel like he is telling me I’m a horrible parent and that I can handle our daughters. I then in turn tell him that he yells too about stupid stuff, but he always comes back with he doesn’t do it as much. He feels that they are going to remember the horrible over the good. I tell him that she knows that I still love her no matter what (and she does).
I really believe he has so much built up angry and frustration still from his childhood and that he can’t let go so he is hearing me get upset and it’s triggering bad memories for him. Which I’m sorry that he had a bad childhood but that doesn’t mean that my children aren’t going to get disciplined because he doesn’t want me to yell at them as much or get after them about stuff. I need some suggestions here. Thanks