Help or advice please

Robert - posted on 01/26/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )

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HELP:- I am a man in my early forties, I have 2 children a boy and girl aged 11 and 7. I was previously married and split up with my ex wife of 17 years around 4 years ago. 2 years ago just before my father died I found out she had been seeing someone for 6 months behind my back and she then told me she was divorcing me. The divorce went through taking around 2 years. This was now Jan 2013. I must point out at no point in the marriage had I at any point ever cheated or ever would on anyone. In the march I then met an amazing lady who had just been divorced and had 2 amazing girls aged 5 and 9. After my house sold and my ex got most of the money I had to move away due to work and eventually in with my new lady and her children. I treat her children as my own and love them all dearly. I now see my children every other weekend having to drive 240 miles every other fri night then back again on the sun night. I am now getting married in may this year. I love my wife to be to bits and her kids, all the kids get on very well together but my children don't really speak to my new lady and she has problems bonding with them. We also have the problem as we only have a 3 bed house one of her kids has to sleep on a matress on the floor. This situation is really stressing out my new lady sometimes to the point where she thinks it will break us. I know this lady is my best friend and soul mate and total rock I trust totally and she trusts me totally and I know she feels the same about me.I cannot lose her over this. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

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Sarah - posted on 01/26/2016

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If someone booted me or my kids out of my own bed, I would be resentful. If it works for you, fine. There must be a better option than you driving 500 miles every other weekend to spend 36 hours with your children. What if you went and stayed there? Not every time but occasionally. Then you'd have some alone time with your kids and they would not be uprooted every other weekend. Do they go to school year round? No summer or winter break?

Robert - posted on 01/26/2016

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my fiancée's daughter sleeps on a matress on the floor only every other weekend and only on the fri and Saturday night. I have my kids on these times as this is what my ex and I agreed on which works around the schools. I have them these days because I work in London during the week and live in Essex but my kids are living in Norfolk with the ex wife. I cannot have them for long periods due to them going to school in Norfolk.

Sarah - posted on 01/26/2016

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Her child sleeps on the floor all of the time or just when your kids visit? If it is all of the time, you need to fix that, no child should be sleeping on the floor. If it is the latter, think how your GF and her child must feel, having to be displaced from their own bed when your children come to visit?
You driving 500 miles every other weekend is no way to live. By the time you return, you are turning around to go back. No wonder no one has time to get to know each other. Every other weekend will start to interfere with sports, schoolwork and social lives especially when they are having to travel so far. Perhaps it is time to revisit your custody arrangement? Rather than these tiny visits, you could see your children for the whole winter break and a large chunk of the summer break.

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