Help overbearing Grandmother

Jennifer - posted on 09/12/2017 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My mom I love her to death but she is hindering my child and undermines my parenting. I took her in and now take care of her and my child. So she helps with picking him up and dropping him off for school and helps him with school work because I am gone most of the day due to work. Now my son has special needs. But he needs to learn how to be dependent according to the school which is true he is ten yrs old and i just got her to stop going into the bathroom with him. She gives him everything to the the point all he does is just sit down and play games. The moment i say anything is the moment we start arguing. I can't discipline him because that's another headache. And I'm talking about hey pick up your things I repeat myself 6 times until i say ok no more games for the rest of the day. She will argue with me like it's her child and my son will tell me but nana will do it. However when he does not listen to her, I get called like your child is not listening to me! Till i tell him when i get home your getting a time out. Once she over hears my conversation with my son she calms down and say don't worry about I will take care of him and i come home later and he just relaxing playing games. So i Will say ok time out for you and me and her will argue. It so bad my child does not listen to me because he always say nana told me i can, nana said its okay, nana will do it, my son is completely dependent on her and she has him thinking his "issues" are the reason he can't do anything. What can I do?

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Dove - posted on 09/12/2017

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Well... it's either she respects you, she leaves, or you have someone else watching your son when you aren't available... or you tolerate it and it messes up your kid long term. I'm not sure what else to suggest. You can't FORCE her to cooperate and if she doesn't care about him (I'm sure she THINKS she cares about him, but her actions are not caring ones) you can't really make her see it. Unless maybe she can attend a doctor's appointment or a school meeting and be told by 'official people' that she is damaging him. Someone that will flat out tell her if she doesn't stop she will cause him permanent damage..?

Jennifer - posted on 09/12/2017

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I've explained to her that she is hindering his growth and and she ignores me she's just like I am his grandmother I can baby him all I want. I am like no you can't because it's hurting him and she said I am being ridiculous. I can't afford another living arraignment for her it so expense in NY and she doesn't work. It's so hard. I feel stuck. Talking doesn't seem to get to her.

Dove - posted on 09/12/2017

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Nana needs to respect you as his mother or she needs to not live there. I know you are taking care of her and that may be necessary, but you need to lay down the law. If she can not respect it then you may need to find alternate living arrangements for her

I'm harsh though. I won't tolerate any adult in my home that doesn't respect me as the boss. I'm also lucky that both of my parents 100% respect me as the authority for my kids and always have, so this wouldn't happen.

Can you explain to her that even though she is probably trying to be kind to him she is actually hurting his development? If she really loves him she needs to help you hold him accountable for his behaviors and let him develop to his full potential. Maybe you can get a box or a closet w/ a lock and lock up the video games, so those simply aren't an option when you aren't home...? Good luck figuring out what will work!

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