HELP PLEASE

Lindsey - posted on 03/07/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Hello my name is Lindsey and i have the most handsome perfect 22month old little boy! The problem is it's torture to take him to the store or discipline him. He is my first child and i am a single mom so i'm really at a loss of what to do! i have tried time outs but he wont stay where i put him. I have triedd it seems like everything, even just tapping his butt but it doesnt faze him. Now he is starting to scream at the top of his lungs and just throw his body around and it is almost scary because if im not close to watch him he could get hurt cause he doesnt pay attention to if he is gonna get hurt. He has no mental issues or anything but going to the grocery is a night mare cause he wont sit in the cart! PLEASE HELP!!! cause i want to enjoy my son again!

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[deleted account]

I would like to comment on the looks you get in the grocery store. Man I've been THERE! Except I made a dink out of myself.
My son had just started this annoying awful sounding inward gasp that sounded a LITTLE like the inhale half of whooping cough. He was doing it for attention. That became his word for "pay attention to me." He decided one day on the way out of the produce department that he wanted DOWN. Here comes that awful "aaaaauuuh" "auuuuuah" I leaned down to his ear and said, "we are going now...please stop that awful noise." When I looked up there was a woman LOOKING at me. I looked away from her and there's a-NOTHER woman looking at me. I snatched my eyes from her and there's another woman! Yall stop LOOKIN at me! I turned to the side and the first woman was still LOOKIN at me! So I asked her, "what are you looking at?" Know what she said to me? "I'm looking at me, five years ago. My son used to make that SAME horrible noise."
I had no choice to but to relax. This was when I learned the women LOOKING at you in the stores aren't JUDGING you....they are sympathizing with you.

JENNIFER - posted on 03/10/2010

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I have 29mo old twins (boy/girl) and my son is in this screaming-throwing things phase when he is angry. Timeouts were not working for me, so I started putting him in his room WITH THE DOOR CLOSED when he behaved this way. That made all of the difference in the world. He could no longer see a reaction from me and he no longer had my attention. He is more geared to getting out of the room and having my attention than throwing things at that point. I do not lock the door, just stand outside and hold it closed for his 2 minute time out. Over the last week I have seen a major difference in his behavior. All I have to do is tell him not to scream and he quits and when he throws things, it is automatic....time out every time, no exceptions. You have to be consistent. This is the only way I can redirect his energy. I have tried everything else in the book, but this seems to work. What your son is doing is very nornal for his age. The more you play into his fit, the longer it will continue. He has your attention so he is all over the place because he knows that you will stay there. Also, is there a way that you can go to the grocery store without him? It is ok to limit your outings with him when this type of bahavior starts. It will plass and things will resume to normal in time. You did not specify if you had help or if you were all on your own. I have also let him throw a fit in the middle of the store and walked away (around the corner where I could watch him) and the fit stopped as soon as he realized that I was not going to play into it. Yes, it sucked for everyone else in the store, but the point was made. Again, you have to do it every time. no flinching. I know it drains your energy, but not nearly as much as trying to stop the fit. You also stay a lot calmer. Trust me, there were days that I felt like he spent the whole day in time out, but perserverance paid off.

Julia - posted on 03/07/2010

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At home...when he gets out of the corner....KEEP PUTTING HIM BACK IN IT!!! Don't talk to him just pick him up and take him back. His time starts when he stays put (yeah I watch Supernanny!!! I love Jo)

In the store if he starts throwing a tantrum....walk away. He wants your attention. My daughter 1 time threw a tantrum in a store. I calmly told her to calm down or I was leaving, she didn't so I walked away....only to the end of aisle. It took her a couple of minutes to calm down but when she realized I was gone she stopped crying and started running calling mommy!!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/07/2010

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My son did not start being difficult in a store until he realized he did not have to sit in the cart. He does not throw tantrums....just likes to run down and around the isles...which is scary when they are out of sight. I usually bring some toys, and special snacks to distract him. I also give him jobs to do when we are in the store...at 22 months he can help put things into the cart...or even when picking produce, you hold the bag and he puts it in. You have to try to make it fun for them, or it sucks for everyone. I used to never ever give him sweets, but once they are discovered there is no going back....so that said, he loves orange tic-tacs. When we are going to the grocery store, I always have a brand new pack with me. I hope any of this will come to good use. Just remember, if you dread going in with them....they know...they can smell fear. Maybe talk to him on the way to the store all the fun things he will be able to help you with. That really really helps me! Good luck, I know it can be a cruel experience for the parents!

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Tracey - posted on 11/26/2010

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Hi Lindsey. there are 2 links id like you to have a look at the first one will help you deal with discipline. http://www.risingchild.com/group/viewdis... Other moms have been through the same thing this next link its a site that is so interesting and has so much information about tantrums www.temper-tantrums.com hope this info helps

Littlegirl_646 - posted on 09/02/2010

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wit little cousin I just let him and watched his favorite movie and sat with his dog. For my daughter she did that a lot when she didn't have nmy full attention so for a few days unless she needed something I ignored her (at least when she was looking) and sat on the couch and read a book (easy to look over the top and look down when she looks) it worked for the most as for the store mydaughter screans bloody nurder when she is happy so not sure how to help with that one lol!

Kelly - posted on 09/02/2010

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Ok for me personally with my eldest daughter discipline only made her worse and worse until i dreaded taking her out - all i did (and i can't believe how simple it was) is give her something to do! I give her a basket to carry, involve her in the shopping, ask her to hand me things and generally keep her busy - now we have stress free shopping. We still have the occational dissapearing act when she gets bored in the shop (which is distessing and highly frustrating), so i tell her off and get back to shopping and keep her active... it gets harder the longer i'm in the shop so i keep trips as short as possible Lol. Hope this helps :-)

BONNIE - posted on 08/31/2010

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Welcome to the world of two year olds. Keep in mind that his attention span, including the usefulness of time out is about equal to his age which means it is effective at this point for about two minutes. Be consistant. Who cares if people stare and you and him. Every parent has been down this road to a greater or lesser degree depending on their childs personality. Just keep doing what u are doing, try not shouting no or raising your voice. Just NO in a firm voice and move him away from whatever he is doing. You may have to do it 1000 times but it WILL sink in. My grandson, now 17 was not a tantrum thower but he WAS persistant. I think that for the first 18 months of his life he thought that "dang it Nicholas, NO NO" was his name. One morning as he headed straight for the entertainment center and all the interesting things he saw there, he stopped short and shook his head no. I knew it had FINALLY sunk in and I was right. If he pitches a fit at the grocery, leave your cart where it is, pick him up and take him to the car and buckle him in his carseat all the while explaining that when he screams and throws himself around we have to go home and not do fun things. He wont understand all the words but the attitude you have will have an effect sooner or later. Also, try a harness that clips to the seat part of the grocery cart. He wont be able to stand or put himself in danger, he probably won't like it, but it does keep them in their seat. Continue explaining that h needs to sit safely. Offer him canned goods or boxes to put in thecart as your helper. Mostly, chill out. My 3 yr old great grand daughter throws herself on the floor when asked to do something (because she knows I cannot lift her) so I turn my back on her and walk away. Takes all the fun out of it for her. If my 12 yr old grandaughter is there I explain that Hannah will help her be obedient and I ask Hannah to take her to her room. Sometimes that entails grabbing her foot and sliding her down the hallway to her room. Then I tell her that when she stops having a hissy fit she is welcome to come out and join us. Actually what I'd really like to do is whack her mother who finds it easier to let her do what she wants then to get up and excercise some kind of discipline. But children do what they can do to gain control, we adults need to reinforce that we are the grown ups. When my son was two (41 years ago) I had a wonderfully wise pediatrician who advised me that when he was having a tantrum to pull out the small water pistol I kept to keep th cat off the kitchen counters, and give him a couple of squirts ithe face, aiming for his mouth. The first time I did that my son threw himself on the floor, kicked his feet and then stopped dead in his tracks and started laughing. That was the end of the era of tantrums. I think it so shocked him he just gave up torturing me. ha ha

Lindsey - posted on 03/26/2010

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thanks so much ladies i will try some of these tips and let you all know how it goes but thanks again for the advice all of it is and will be greatly appreciated, and yes im completely on my own besides my mom or sisters keeping him every once in a while! he dad comes and goes as he pleases but def is not any help with discipline!

Firebird - posted on 03/10/2010

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When my 5 year old daughter threw herself around in a tantrum, I let her. It's not worth me getting a broken nose over (I almost did once). If she hurt herself, that was her problem. Lesson learned is lesson earned. When she moves from her time out chair, she gets put back. If she is really out of control she gets a real spanking, not a little swat that she can't even feel, then she gets sent to her room to lie down in bed until she's ready to behave in a civilized manner. She's high functioning autistic so being her mother is an all out battle some days, But I stay consistent in disciplining her and we have made a lot of progress in the last year.
I'm a single mom too, her dad only sees her every other weekend, that's 4 days a month, and when she sees dad, she's so happy about it that she's almost always on her best behaviour for him, so he's practically useless when it comes to discipline. lol

Lindsey - posted on 03/10/2010

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thank you bt what scares me is he has hurt himself rolling around throwin fit and he still does it and as far as at a store he gets mad and screams and throws his body to wher i physically cannot hold on and everyone looks at me like im doing something and unfortunately i am a single mom so i have no help when i get frustrated or need a break

[deleted account]

We had to go back to basics with my daughter discipline wise.....we've done everything and everything and nothing worked. At the store I have taken to distracting her with little tasks she can do for me, especially at the grocery store. for example if I need boxed pasta I take it off the shelf and ask her to put it into the cart for me. If I need to something general that she can reach I point it out and ask her to get it. Little things like that work with her.

As for other outings....I always carry my IPOD with me so she can watch her favorite TV shows.....works wonders now but she only gets it when she's behaving. Other wise no and as for the throwing themselves on the ground......like it was said before the only way they learn is to get hurt sometimes. My daughter ended up throwing herself off her bed one night during one of her fits like that and she hurt herself. She hasn't done it since then but she does throw herself on the floor when she's not in her bed.

As another mother told me....go back to the basics starting with timeouts and extend the time from 2 minutes to 4 minutes to start. Add on 2 minutes each time out that they are put into after the first one, do not be afraid to spank the child if they are in need of it (some children need it), and never ever discipline when you are visibly upset at the child. Trade off with your partner if you can and if you cannot put them straight into time out then WALK AWAY UNTIL YOU ARE CALM. They can stay in time out until you come back....no biggie it will not hurt them and it will signal to them that their behavior is very upsetting.

As for leaving the not staying in time out......we were told to designate an AREA for time out. A corner of the room with a chair in it, a rug that is put down only for that purpose, a section of the couch marked off during that time. That way if they do not sit where you put them but are staying within the are you marked off it still counts as a time out. Some children cannot sit still long enough in one area for a time out but they will stay within the area that is designated for time out.

*this all came from one of my coworkers who has a nonverbal autistic child who when younger was a handful at home......she emailed me with it last night after reading my status on my fb page*

Kate CP - posted on 03/07/2010

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Well, the only way he's going to learn to not throw himself around like that is if you let him do it and he does get hurt. My daughter started to arch her back and throw her head around while I held her when she was younger. I told her once "if you keep doing that you're going to hit your head and it's going to hurt". She kept doing it so I let her do it. She banged her head on the wall once and she never did it again.

As a mom it's your job to protect your kids; but sometimes in order to protect our kids from something we have to let them fall first. It's also your job to discipline your son. Yes, it sucks. Yes, you'll feel like a bad guy. Yes, they'll scream and cry. But you're the mommy, not their friend. Suck it up and stand your ground.

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