Help please, i just discovered my 14 yr old daughter doing drugs and having sex.

Alyssa - posted on 08/30/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am a single parent of my 14 yr old daughter, and we have always (or at least i thought) had a very open relationship and she used to tell me everything. She developed physically a little early and she looks more like 18 than 14, but i had thought that the rest of her was still..i don't know, still 14? i hadnt dreamt of her having sex until she was 16 earliest. I have always strove to give her all the morals i grew up with and to respect her body. I waited until i was 18 and in love and she always says she wanted that too. Ok so being a single parent i work (i have to). i work 3 days a week as a nurse in the local ER, only 3 days but on those days she is by herself all day, i figured she can make her own supper 3 days a week. Last week i went into her room while she was at school to tidy up when my heart sank, her bed was COVERED in stains, i know they could be anything but my mind immediately went to the worst possible scenario. i called my frined and she told me to do some snooping. the next day when she was in the shower i read the texts on her phone, there were 'references' to drugs and sex but nothing concrete. I called in sick yesterday but didnt tell my daughter, i left the house and hid in the garage and tried to spy on her (her room can be seen from the garage). she came home from school a little later than she normally does when i'm home with 2 big boys who looked 18 but i pray were not. i say them enter her room and bring out a bong! i was upset, but i thought it could be worse. they shut the blinds and i waited (figuring thats all they would do), i planned to confront her after they left, i smoked some in high school so i wasnt too furious. I texted her phone after about 20 minutes telling her i would be home in about an hour (which was very early). I figured she would send them packing at this but after 30 minutes nobody had left. now kinda pissed i went to confront her, with or without company. and i wish so badly that i had not gone in, as i approached her room i heard the bed creaking loudly and muffled...noises. horrified i walked in and what i saw no mother should ever see. she was, in between both boys (men i found out now). and what made it truely monstrous was that she didnt even seem to care! they all looked up at me when the door opened, and the 2 guys kinda stopped, but she just kept on going! i was too shocked to move at first, and i saw and heard things i will never foget. after a minute i went up to the bathroom and cried for an hour, when i got out the men were gone. we didnt speak last night and she is in school now. please...what do i do?!?

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Dove - posted on 08/30/2012

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What is the age of consent where you are? If it's over 14 and those 'boys' were 18... my first call would be to the police. No... that won't 'solve' anything, but it would get the message out to all of them that this is NOT ok.



My next call would be to your obgyn to make her an appointment asap for for a pregnancy test and std testing.



My third call would be to a counselor that deals with teens, drugs, and sex issues.



Does her school/your area have any after school programs? I know most of them around here are only for elementary kids, but there might be something available for her age group. She has proven that she can not be left unattended for any length of time right now, so whatever I had to do to make sure she was constantly supervised... that's what I'd do. That also won't 'solve' anything, but might keep her from getting pregnant or with something that could kill her while I worked to get to the bottom of this and what else could be done to help her.



I'm so sorry you have to go through this. As a single mom it's my worst nightmare come true. Hang in there! I don't think I'd 'punish' her directly.... just lay out all the natural consequences of her choice to engage in those behaviors.... and talk, talk, talk... not TO her, but WITH her about what is going on in her life to be doing those things at this young of an age.

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Alyssa - posted on 08/30/2012

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Thank you for the Support Dove, all those things shall be done definitely. 16 is the age of consent i believe, so i will be calling the police most likely after we talk today. and i already made her an appointment with a doctor, it appears we were thinking along the same lines. We do have after school programs but she is too old for them, i'm really at a loss for what to do with her when i'm at work, i simply cannot support us without the job and there is noway to have her supervised for free that i can think of at the moment, but i know you are right that she should not be left alone, based on last night i doubt my interruption will deter her from sex.

I can't make any real decisions until i talk to her, but i think a counselor is a good idea, though once again those things cost money. she walks home from school and she should have been back 15 minutes ago, though i assume she's simply not looking forward to coming home to speak with me. so i'll get some answers soon enough. I just HOPE she was safe, though stained sheets usually imply otherwise. I couldnt bare it if she got pregnant at 14. thank you again

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