Help please need answers

Dsyanacantillo - posted on 02/28/2014 ( 22 moms have responded )

10

0

0

I'm in a relationship where my boyfriend is in the marines and is coming back
To get married in the next 4 mnths I have a 14mnth
Old daughter and the baby dad refuses to let me move
Out of state with her we have court on Monday he filled
For 50/50 custody of the baby and wondering if I'm going to be able to take her with any trouble

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Ev - posted on 03/01/2014

7,227

7

909

Do not think of it as less hope. Its really the best interest of the child that the courts look at not the needs, desires, and wants of a parent. That comes second. The courts also look at the established relationships and try to work out things to keep them in the child's life. The thing is, how would you feel if you were taken away from one of your parents because the other parent married someone who was to leave for a job be it military or something else?

22 Comments

View replies by

Michelle - posted on 03/01/2014

3,553

8

3244

My ex was the same as Evelyn's. I didn't trust him completely but I had no choice, he is their Father and had every right to be with the children, just as I did.
He's now 40 and still acts like a teenager sometimes. He drinks a lot but I can't control what he does. As long as the children are fed and clean and going to school then it's ok. I know he lets them stay up late but I have to step back, I can't control what he does at his house.
I also wouldn't be able to move out of state or even further away as then I would be responsible for travel costs for the children to get to him. I don't have court orders but he would take me to court to stop me.

Ev - posted on 03/01/2014

7,227

7

909

My father is far from perfect and I have to admit when my kids father and I divorced I did not trust him with the kids but I had no choice because he had rights like I did. He got married rather quickly after we divorced too. He did not understand what it was like to take on kids like I did until he had to do it himself and it was not easy. And he knew how to change diapers...he chose not to.

Dsyanacantillo - posted on 03/01/2014

10

0

0

Evelyn I tottaly agree but hey it all men are like your father sound like the perfect man unfortunately not the case with my babys father he is nervous wreck just by hearing the baby cry he doesn't even know how to change a dipper

Ev - posted on 03/01/2014

7,227

7

909

Even when sick a child can be with either parent. Fathers can take as good care of kids as a mother can. So you can not go there about a mother's care being the best for her child. Fathers also have good care skills too. Who do you think took care of me and my sister when my mother was in the hospital and had surgery when he was not there to see my mother? He was. He also was a farmer who was up at 3 am to milk cows and do chores before breakfast but at that time my grandmother would come and help take care of us. He also had to work all day and then take care of us at night. He was not mom, but he was still there. He might not like that you are in a relationship but that is his choice.

Dsyanacantillo - posted on 03/01/2014

10

0

0

Im not refusing for her father not to be in her life just looking forward to moving out of the state of Florida which I think would be better chaces of school and better inviroment for her her father doesn't provide her with any thing yet he offers too through a txt msg just so he can present it in court and look like he really cares I know that the least of his worries is the baby he is just doing it to bother me the baby is 14 mnths he would take her for the night and will call back the next morning to drop her off ass early ass possible and is always threatening me like when ever the baby's been sick that is his day to pick her up I don't let her go because I feel that if I have to take her to the hospital it's best if I do nothing can replace a mothers care he would threaten that if something happens to her I Better dissapear he would give me a fair amount of money ecery month once he found out I was in a new relationship he tot tally stoped he is not doing none of it for his daughter yet comes and tells me last week that he is spending a lot of $$ in court that he have to figure this out

Jodi - posted on 03/01/2014

3,518

36

3906

Basically, what it comes down to is that you can't make decisions that will interfere with the relationship and visitation the child currently has with her father unless the court says it is ok. If you do, it could be construed as parental alienation.

My husband's ex married a navy cadet, but she couldn't move interstate with her son until it went through court. SHE could move, but she wasn't allowed to take her son. She chose to stay here until the courts heard the case. As this was about 12 years ago, our system was far more archaic, and my husband lost his petition to stop her taking their son (at the time they had joint custody), but these days, he would be more likely to win the case.

Dsyanacantillo - posted on 03/01/2014

10

0

0

Wow the more I read the less hope I get :( so sad I have to put my daughter threw this

Dove - posted on 03/01/2014

11,620

0

1348

I already have full legal and physical custody of my children and they have a very uninvolved father, but I can not move anywhere that will interfere w/ his court ordered visitation unless I have permission from the court. My ex is currently responsible for all visitation costs as HE is the one that has moved away, but I have no doubt if I moved to where visitation would cost more... the courts would make me responsible for the added cost.

Dsyanacantillo - posted on 03/01/2014

10

0

0

Thanks jodi Ángela Evelyn You have Been very helpful yet if do get to take her I do agree with visitation and summer holidays baby can travel over I do not tempt to keep him away from his daughter I hope everything goes well wish me luck

Ev - posted on 03/01/2014

7,227

7

909

Angela--I read the last post you made. If that is the case in British courts and so on, but not in the USA. In the US, most states do have it in the law that if the father is involved in the child's life and so on, no moves can be made unless he and court agree no matter the situation of the mother be it a new job, new husband, etc. Here if the father has made himself known, he does have the right to ask for 50/50 custody or just joint custody.

And I have to say that the fact that a lot of men take off out of the lives of their children do not fall just on British men. It happens the world over and is not a trait that is only found in your country. I would be willing to bet that the US is probably the worst place on earth for that because the men sometimes will yell about their rights to the child/children and then they take off anyway. There are plenty of women who do the same thing too.
Dysan- You must go through the courts to get things figured out. No one can give you a definite answer to what the judge will do. At this point, your child's father has an invested interest or he would not be asking for his rights to joint custody. Were you and the father married? Is there already custody set and visitation besides? How far away is the move? If the move is far enough, it could cloud his relationship with his child too. I do not know his income but it might be too much cost for him to come to get her for visits. You have to think about him too. This is not just about you.

Christin - posted on 03/01/2014

35

11

1

If hes on birth certificate it doeant matter if they were married or not he has full rights . But more likely judge will side w u but if he has a lawyer u better get one as well

Angela - posted on 03/01/2014

2,457

9

322

I've never known anyone whose custody battle got that far Jodi!

First of all, with any child born out of wedlock it's hard for the father to get custody when the parents are living separately and the child is already accustomed to living with his/her mother. Access is also a tricky issue. The fact is, if the child is born out of wedlock the father has very few rights. If a father doesn't wish to be present when the child's birth is registered, then the child cannot have his surname or even the father's name on the birth certificate. They're not taking the mother's word for it that this man is the father - he has to be present and speak for himself - or the bit on the birth certificate where it says "Name of Father" is left blank! The mother also has the right not to inform the child's father that she is getting the birth registered or even that she has had a baby.

Now - when the parents have been married and are now divorced, the mother (if she has custody) is entirely entitled to move to wherever she wishes (including overseas) if her job or the job of her new spouse takes her away.

And since time immemorial, British fathers have been "disappearing" out of their children's lives. This is usually to avoid Child Support and debt arising from Child Support.

Children that have been born to another woman (perhaps even to more than one woman) when he is married to or lives with a regular partner, can be ignored or treated like they don't exist. This is often on the insistence of the legal wife.

Fathers that can claim they have a relationship with their child can usually fare a little better in Court. The Powers-That-Be however usually come down on the side of the mother.

Christin - posted on 03/01/2014

35

11

1

Get a lawyer hun or speak to a legal aide im sure there must be some probono help out where u are

Christin - posted on 03/01/2014

35

11

1

You cannot take off with out court permission they will consider it kidnapping and he will get kids full time i habe a friemd who did that it was a mess. But you can still get married and tell judge thats qhere ur life is and how u can support yourself judge usually will agree if u offer visits where he pays for airfare or u do and they can go during school breaks and things like that. I would speak to a lawyer idk where u are but maybe a legal aide u could look into

Jodi - posted on 03/01/2014

3,518

36

3906

Angela, so just out of interest, in Britain if there is a custody hearing in court that hasn't been decided yet, she could take off with her child and not get in trouble for that? Or if there is court ordered visitation she could just move and not honour that visitation?

Angela - posted on 03/01/2014

2,457

9

322

I wish people who post on here would say what nationality they are, what country they're from.

I'm assuming you're American - in which case those who've responded who are also American will be the ones to listen to (no-one who's responded is saying what their nationality is though).

I'm British and if you were British, I'd say "Go ahead and get married. There's nothing your former partner can do about where you live with your child ..."

But you're probably not British.

Good luck anyway.

Jodi - posted on 02/28/2014

3,518

36

3906

I wouldn't advise you get married unless you get permission from the courts to actually move. Because yes, the courts may say you can't move WITH your child out of state. They can't stop you moving, but they can stop you from taking your child. You are just going to have to wait and see. However, remarrying isn't always a good enough reason to remove the child from the other parent. The decision a judge makes is never about you and your best interests and what you want, it will always be about the best interests of the child. Moving away from her father may not be in your child's best interests. As a biological parent, her father has the same rights you do.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/28/2014

21,273

9

3058

The father has rights. You will just have to go through the system and see what happens.

Dsyanacantillo - posted on 02/28/2014

10

0

0

Even if I'm getting married and my husband is being deployed out of the state?

Jodi - posted on 02/28/2014

3,518

36

3906

Well, we can't tell you what the judge is going to rule. There is a chance you won't be permitted to remove the child from the state because it will interfere with her relationship with her father.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms