Sealhenry - posted on 03/13/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )
Need advice. My son is 7. His dad and I split when he was 1. He has been married now for about a year and a half (his wife has been around for about 2 years total). She is number 2 after our split and a breath of fresh air after the 1st girlfriend. She is kind and caring with my son and is always easier to deal with than my son's dad. We generally get along and we have reached out to each other on many occasions to address concerns. My basic approach is that I stay in my lane and she should stay in hers…mutual respect. I recognize the role of a stepmom and have never sought to exclude her from school activities, including teacher conferences. I don't intrude on their visitation time, nor do I involve myself with their family life unless there is a major issue (which hasn't happened yet).
So, now my son's school is having an event called a Morning with Mom. Dad "informed me as a courtesy" that his wife was planning to attend. Recognizing that talking to him is useless, I contacted the step-mom. I told her that I would appreciate it if she didn't attend because I consider that as special time for my son and me to spend together. She responded that she didn’t see why I should have a problem given the fact that she is his stepmom and that she loves him and takes care of him. My thinking is that she’s is not his mom, so I just don’t get why she should expect to attend. To me it’s as plain as day, but she even went as far as to assert that she should have a right to attend. I know the common perception is that the mom feels threatened, but that simply isn’t the case here. I am very secure about the bond that I share with my son. She is his stepmom and I am more than comfortable with them having a loving relationship and spending time together...just not time that is supposed to be for me and him. I feel that she is overstepping with this. If she shows up at this thing over my objection, I’m going to take this as a sign of disrespect, which could upset this whole apple cart. Am I being unreasonable?