Help struggling mom

Melinda - posted on 08/04/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I have a beautiful 11 year old daughter that refuses to go to school or take a shower from any number of days. We took her out of 6th grade due to the school not helping with her situation. The state I live in is big on truancy and i am scared that the state will come take her from me. We have done the pediatrician to the counseling and nothing it's like she has shut down from everyone and everything. I am open to suggestions. Her dad and I live together and are married but he tells me it is my job to get her right. I feel like I am not doing what I need to do and failing as a parent.

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Mandi - posted on 08/08/2016

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11 was the exact age I began to do the same thing. I refused to take care of myself and in my undeveloped brain I thought in doing so may eventually kill me although it wasn't years later till o confided in my mom. I was very depressed and school went from fun and amazing ti my worst nightmare. I was to embarrassed to admit to my mom that I was being bullied constantly to the point no matter what I did or how I wore my hair or if I had on the right clothes I was still being made fun of therefore my sense of self worth went down the tolite and it began to show through my appearance. The best thing my mom did for me was get me out of that school and a chance at a new start. New friends new environment new me. However it took her 2 years to figure it out bc I didnt want to open up to her for fear she would look at me the same as everyone else. At the age of 13 I was able to start fresh and never had that problem again. I am now 31 with a 9yr old daughyer myself and no matter what I remind my daughter she can talk to me but I also know there will be thinhs she needs to discuss with another close family members or or consiler. Which is why once a month I take her to talk about whatever she wants and let her know its ok to vent about mommy too in hopes that she will never feel as alone as I did even when my mom and I were close, there are still issues a child needs to discuss with another mentor. Hope this helps and good luck

Snowangel97 - posted on 08/08/2016

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It sounds like you've tried quite a few things and I agree with some of the others that more counseling is probably a good idea. Maybe just getting the right counselor that can speak to her on her level will be beneficial. Was her last counselor specifically trained or focused on teenagers? I know Focus on the Family has counselors you can talk to free of charge (855-382-5433). It might be worth giving them a call.

Dove - posted on 08/05/2016

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No abuse that you know of... does not mean she hasn't been subjected to something traumatic. Has she always been like this... or did it start 'out of no where' at some point?

I have a daughter that used to sob uncontrollably for up to 2 hours for 'no' reason (seriously... it's been 8+ months since the last episode and I still don't know what the problem was). It happened random times over a 2ish year time period. The last time it happened I did manage to get out of her that PART of it was school related (couldn't have been all of it cuz that was a school new to that year and it had happened during middle school as well). That very next day I started looking into other schooling options for my girls (they just finished their first week in the new school environment) and even though they had to finish that year at the old school... once she found out that I was making the switch for her we haven't had any intense outbursts since.

Either your daughter has always been a challenge or SOMETHING happened to her... It could be something very minor that she has blown out of proportion or it could be something major, but the fact is unless you have witnessed her every moment 24/7/365... you can not say w/ absolute certainty that no one has abused her... w/ her refusal to go to school it could have been something that happened AT school even.

Sarah - posted on 08/05/2016

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I disagree; at 11 most (90-95%) are compliant with hygiene and attendance. IMO as a mother and a school nurse, this is suggestive of a deeper issue. Either a mental health issue or an abuse issue. Get her to a therapist she can confide in pronto.

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Melinda - posted on 08/05/2016

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Did counseling with her and went to multiple counselors everyone said that they cold not help me and had no idea where to send us to. They suggested a mental hospital once. I guess I will say I appreciate everyone input and will let you all know if her status approves. Again there is no abuse in the household of any kind

Melinda - posted on 08/05/2016

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It was family counseling and individual counseling. Did home school with her last year but the way everything is going up i have no choice but to work full time to make ends meet. Wish I could stay at home with her. I am taking her out tonight and going to go eat at the park and see if she will open up. I tried but she would not go but she did get into the shower tonight. Just keep trying thst is all I can do.

Snowangel97 - posted on 08/05/2016

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I'm so sorry to hear you all are going through this. That age is very challenging, especially for girls. Has she ever indicated why she won't shower or go to school? I understand your concern for the truancy issue, as that is a big problem in public schools. Is it possible to homeschool for a while, until you all find the root problem? You mentioned that you'd done counseling before. Was it just her or a family counselor?

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