Enna - posted on 04/29/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )
I have a pretty complicated story, so I'm going to try to be as short as I can. My mom is in the process of getting legal custody of a little boy. Both of his parents are deceased, and he has no family that wants to be involved with him. He is the child of an acquaintance, so we are not related to him. My mom has gone through most of the process, he's been living with her since January, and everything is going great. They've done a home study, background checks, basically everything that needs to be done. They have what I believe to be their final court date coming up at the end of May (1 month). Sounds good right?
Well, here's the kicker: my mom just got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It's serious and she has to miss about 6 months of work, but the doctors believe they can get rid of it because it's very small and hasn't spread. She has two other adults living in the house that can help her (my dad and grandfather). I believe that they can all get through this and he will be just fine living with them. However I don't know what the court's going to say. (also, you may be wondering, my mom is 49 and the boy is 9.)
My mom is very upset and afraid that they're not going to give her custody, so I told my mom that if they won't give her custody, then I will try to get custody of him. It should be no problem for me because my family is in a good situation and he would fit right in. My two daughters would have to share a bedroom until we moved to a bigger place, but that's really the only thing that would have to change. I guess we'd have to get a bigger car. No deal breakers here.
Here's the other problem: My husband doesn't want to take him. I was completely shocked. My husband talked about what a great thing it is that my mom is doing, and how much he respects her for it. And I just assumed that my husband would support me in doing the same thing. If my mom can't get custody of him and we don't take him, he will go to foster care, and we will probably never see him again. Our whole family has welcomed him, and he feels like he's always been a part of the family. I can't possibly imagine letting him go like that.
My husband has his reasons. He doesn't think it would be good for our girls. The boy obviously has some emotional issues, which he goes to counseling for. No kidding, his parents both died, and they were not natural or peaceful deaths. My understanding is that he was neglected and exposed to drug use, but I have no reason to believe he's been physically or sexually abused. He's always been a perfectly normal kid every time I've been around him. I don't understand why my husband thinks he would be a problem. I understand what he's saying, but I completely disagree with him.
He worries about how it's going to affect the kids? How's it going to affect the kids when this kid that they really like and have totally accepted is suddenly taken out of our lives and we don't get to see him again?
What am I supposed to tell my mom? Sorry, I know you're really sick with cancer, and there's always the possibility that you could die from it, but my husband doesn't want to take the boy, just hand him over to CPS.
I never had any idea that he would disagree with me like this, or I would have discussed it with him before I told my mom we would take the boy. I know it's a big decision to decide to adopt another child, but I didn't feel like there was a choice for me here. It was the only option in my eyes. It's just naturally and obviously the right thing to do.
At any rate, we had a huge argument about it. Now I don't know what to do. I'm going to try to drop it and hope that there's no problem with my mom. I don't know what I can possibly do or say to convince my husband.