HELP, where do I go from here😔

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Jodi - posted on 11/17/2014

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I agree with the previous post. However I want to add to that. I think you are also confusing his relationship with you being linked to his relationship with his child. You state that "when he's with our son he's such a sweet loving father", but you also somehow attach his relationship with his child to his relationship with you. You need to make sure that the two relationships are separate. Try to encourage his relationship with your son, without him feeling he needs to be in a relationship with you. You can't just give him an ultimatum that he stay with you and see his son or he goes away and not see his son. He has a right to see his son without having to have a relationship with you. By giving these kind of ultimatums, you are the one stopping him from being the father he could be.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/18/2014

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Stop making excuses. You have stated every reason why you NEED to have support/custody set up and a visitation plan in place.

Go see an attorney and get these things set up. If you choose not to do so, then don't bitch about how he lives. He's proven to you numerous times that in order to be a parent he needs incentive. Incentive such as "you'll go to jail if you don't support your kid" will work wonders.

Look back at every single excuse you gave here for why you haven't already done this. Read them to yourself, in the mirror, and each time, ask yourself why you have not taken the next step to protect your son's rights. He has the right to be supported by BOTH parents, and he has the right to know both.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/18/2014

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As the others have stated, file for custody, support, and visitation schedules.

Move forward. You will always be treated in the way that you allow. You are allowing him to use you as his backup sex toy and play house on his whim. Stop. Don't withhold the child, you don't have that right. DO withhold your body, your home, and your commitment, because he's proven that he only wants you when its convenient.

Get the filing done for custody and support, and ask for a court ordered visitation schedule to present to him.

Guest - posted on 11/17/2014

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I know it isn't what you want to hear, but the reason he won't be there for you all the time is because he doesn't love you--He loves only himself. He comes back because he knows you'll accept him and he will get sex and companionship until he finds someone new to play with....you are just a "back up" to him.

Do not settle for that kind of treatment. Go to court and set up a legally binding child support agreement and visitation schedule. Stop taking him back and find a man who loves you enough to treat you with respect. People will always treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated. If you allow people to disrespect you, they will. If you do not allow it, those who want to treat you with less respect than you will accept might leave your life, but you will end up being surrounded by people who love and respect you.

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Jodi - posted on 11/18/2014

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It isn't up to YOU to decide he has to work for the right to see his son. That's why there are courts. To decide these things objectively. If you decide to take it upon yourself to deny him you could potentially be accused of parental alienation. That can get your child taken from you.

Again, repeating the advice, file for custody, visitation and child support. This is what is in the best interests of your child.

Did you know, as it stands, he could actually decide not to return your son to you if he chose and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it short of filing in court. The police will do nothing. SO do yourself AND your child a favour and file. Stop making excuses.

Jodi - posted on 11/18/2014

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"instead of me trying to focus on us co-parenting I would try to work on us being a family"

But this is on you. YOU are trying to work on you all being a family instead of trying to co-parent. It is not what he wants. STOP trying to work on you all being a family. Period. He does not wish to be a family with you, he just wants to be a dad.

Legally, you don't have the right to make the decisions on whether he sees his child or not. You need to file for custody and visitation, and also child support. Time to move on. If you truly want a co-parenting relationship, this is the way to go about it.

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