HELP with 22 yr old son (smokes weed, fake weed, cigs, has a 14 month old son & lives w/baby mom

Annette - posted on 07/25/2013 ( 10 moms have responded )

5

0

0

Baby mom: 8th grade education, has depression, looks like she is bi-polar, mood swings, hits my son Blake all the time, leaves whenever she wants with whoever she wants, starts fights all the time with my son. She had to be taken to the hospital for fake weed make her have a seizer...cops said they were going to turn into DSS but no one has visited her yet (2 weeks ago). Baby mom hates Blakes dad and I. She don't want to work or go back to school.

My son Blake: Born into a christian home, professes to be saved, went to private christian school, hight school got off on wrong track and has kept going, he has great manners, thinks he loves baby mom, he thinks he can't do better than her, lives in a dump, can't stand the thought of not being with the baby all the time if they separate. Don't have a job to pay bills. IF he did get a job, baby mama would get him fired. Needs money for gas all the time or needs food.

Baby: Born with weed in system, cute, loveable.

They used to live with us but we had to move and get away from that situation. We have a 16 year old girl to think about. She is so worried about her brother and his situation. What should we do? WE JUST DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE!!

10 Comments

View replies by

[deleted account]

Let him know you love him and that you would like to see him make some changes not just for himself, but for the child. Be there for him, but don't be forceful or he will drift further.

I know you mention how he isn't living the "christian life", but pushing him into religion is not the answer. I know. I was on the other side before. I had to welcome it first before I felt comfortable. For one to find God, a person must accept Him. Forcing it will not help. All you can do is pray. I am going through the same with my step-son and the girl he was with. It takes time. He finally is leaving her. She is 20 with a toddler. As far as the drugs, again, don't be pushy. Show love and respect, even if you do not get it back.

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 07/26/2013

581

0

54

If your son really wanted to leave then he has all the reasons in the world to and it's common sense that if the things in your post are true then he wouldn't have a hard time getting custody. It sounds like he just tells you he wants to leave but can't to get you off his back. You can't control your son and I bet he's not just an innocent bystander and probably is just as much a mess as his girlfriend. The only thing you can do is look out for your grand kids best interests. If you feel he is being neglectedh and his parents are unfit then you need to make sure he is taken care of. Hopefully this isn't a case of you just not liking your sons girlfriend and putting all the blame on her for your sons mistakes bc he is totally responsible for his own actions and he chooses to let his son be in this position. If my husband was doing illegal drugs, being abusive, and neglecting our kid then I'd be gone in a heartbeat and I see zero excuse for staying in those circumstances

Dove - posted on 07/25/2013

12,124

0

1353

You can't run his life for him. As much as it hurts you to see what he is going through... ALL you can do is pray for them and let your son know that you are there for him whenever he needs you. By going over there, giving them food, etc... it sounds like you are making things worse for your son since his girlfriend hates you so much.

Let him know that he has options... he can press charges for the abuse. He can get it on record and use that to protect his son. He and the baby can stay with you if he chooses to leave.

I'm sorry.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/25/2013

21,273

9

3058

Well, does he really want to stay with this girl? If he feels that she is abusive, he needs to file domestic abuse charges and get it on record. Then if he moves out he can petition for custody of the child, and seek out a lawyer.

Leading "a christian life" does not make you a better person, or necessarily a happy person. Having morals certainly does help make you a better person. But he needs to create his happines. You cannot force any of it, including your religious beliefs on him. He SHOULD be concerned about his child. That is his job as a parent. He can certainly take action, but he needs to be ready to.

As far as synthetic weed, it is very dangerous. Real weed does not have all those nasty side effects.

I totally get the buying food FOR them to ensure that is where the money is going. It sounds like they both have bad habits that if the money is given to them, will just support their habits instead of buying food.

I totally understand you want to help your son. But if he isn't ready, he will not accept it. He needs a job. If the girl is that difficult, he should take his child and move home with you. If she harasses him at work, he should file a restraining order against her.

Annette - posted on 07/25/2013

5

0

0

We used to live in it as they lived with us for 1 year. We are not judging...we are stating FACTS! Known facts!!

Why do we keep forcing the issue you ask? Because he is going down hill. He is not living a Christian life. He is not happy. We know we will have to bail him out of whatever mess he gets his self into. She is draging him down.

Food: He asked us for food. He told us what he needed. We can't give him money or he will buy cigarettes with it or weed. He has stole from us before to buy it. He will not spend the money on what it is needed for.

He wants to leave her in one way but he does not want to leave the baby all all. She does not get up with the baby at night. She don't bathe him. She don't feed him. Blake does just about everything for that child and he is concerned about his welfare if he is not there.

We can not continue to offer financial support because we don't have the money to do so.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/25/2013

13,264

21

2015

Perhaps Blake is standing up for his responsibilities in the good, christian way that he was taught...

Seems as if someone else does a lot of judging of a situation that they don't live in, and only witness, but if the family of the father were as christian as they claimed, they'd know that judgment is reserved for the Lord, not us humble humans on this earth.

Why do you continue to force the issue, if it is making his situation more miserable? Can't he bring your grandchild to visit without you having to cause the gf to turn into raging bitch? Could you (rather than making food choices for them) give him the money that you would have spent on the food?

Honestly? Your son is an adult. He has made his choices for this phase of his life, and it seems that he's honoring those choices. You can offer emotional support, you can offer financial support, but you cannot force him to leave her, you cannot force him to get a job, you cannot force him to do anything.

Annette - posted on 07/25/2013

5

0

0

synthetic weed
No she does not have the money to see a psychiatrist nor take medicine. She hates us and does anything to keep him from us. We bought them some food the other day. Blake took it in and she started a fight say that she was going drinking with her ex-boyfriend. Then she started throwing the food we just bought at him and said "your mom and dad are nothing but a piece of sh__" I don't see why Blake can't just walk away from her. She leaves all the time to go to bars, she hits him. I am concerned for the baby because if she hits Blake, she will eventually hit the baby also.

Gena - posted on 07/25/2013

303

1

655

I agree with Little miss..He is an adult.Is she seeing a psychiatrist?sounds like she needs help. What is Fake weed if i may ask?never heard of it...

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/25/2013

21,273

9

3058

There is really nothing you can do, except be there for him and the baby. He is a grown adult who has made his own decisions and is continuing to do so.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms