Help with a cheating husband?

Katie - posted on 05/07/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )




Hi I am one of the many faces of adultery that has decided to dig in, put up a fight against the devil and work on our marriage. I am working on healing myself and getting my confidence back. I of course eat my emotions but I am trying to work on that too. He was emotionally cheating on me for three years then it turned physical last year. This ugly a## unhappily married chick would drive for two hours to come and have sex with my husband while I would be at work wt night as a post-partum doula, with our two girls sleeping in there rooms. REALLY!!!!??? Anyway we went through some counseling with our pastor, we halfway did the love dare then we stopped working on us because life got in the way. But now he has a BFF who is married to a navy man and they live in Va. Beach with four kids. She is totally in love with her husband and he loves her too. After the affair ended we had like two months of just us then he friended this woman. He is constantly on the phone, texting, skyping etc. Put it this way he has been at truck driving school for the past three weeks and according to the phone records communication with her over 2000 minutes and me barely 50. He comes back on Mothers Day and I have no idea how to deal with him or what to do. We had a fight his first week there because I went to check out his FB and he changed the pass word to as he says do a trust test on me. UGH!! Since then he has asked me not to text or call him while he is in school and yet the texting, calling between them is practically 24/7. I need some advice please. I hope to start counseling this wee, we do not have insurance so it's coming out of pocket. Now with this new trucking job he will be gone for weeks at a time. How do I make sure I send him away with the confidence that everything will be ok and that on the road he will not betray me again?


Amy - posted on 05/07/2012




I agree with what the other ladies have said. The problem with confronting him with the phone records is while he's on the road all the time he's just going to go buy a prepaid cell phone so you can't see who he's talking too. The ladies are right he should be an open book, the problem is when guys cheat they try to turn it around on you like you're doing something wrong! Changing his facebook password to test you??? Did you cheat, are you having an emotional affair with someone else?

He doesn't want you contacting him, but if I were you I'd be sending him a text that he shouldn't bother coming home on mother's day because the locks will have been changed and you will be seeking an attorney to file for divorce. It's great that you want to make it work, but he needs to show he's worthwhile and right now he's treating you like crap when he should be bending over backwards earning your trust.

Jodi - posted on 05/07/2012




Quite frankly, he still isn't being honest with you, so you really can't send him away with confidence. The fact is, he cheated on you once, and it appears you are all blaming the other woman. If he wants this marriage to work, he needs to accept that your trust in him IS going to be bruised, and that he IS responsible for having done this (not the other woman, although she is not without blame), so yes, you have a right to these records if he wants to prove once and for all that you can trust him. It seems to me he has something to hide if he has an issue with giving you his FB password. HE is trust testing YOU? How dare he? You are not the one who was cheating. Unless he can be totally 100% honest and open with you, and not blame you for your lack of trust, I can't see this working for you.

To be honest, it sounds very much to me that he is not actually owning the responsibility he has for this mess. And until he owns it, accepts the responsibility and repercussions (your trust issues) then nothing is going to change.

[deleted account]

It takes two to make a marriage work, it he isn't interested then you are wasting your time. Sorry.

Sneaky - posted on 05/07/2012




I would NEVER trust him to not betray me again...and in essence he already is having an emotional affair if he is spending so much time talking to her and not you.

Do you really want counselling with this man to make it work?? Do you want your kids to grow and think it is ok for husbands to leave their wives for weeks at a time and run around around with other women?? Is that what you want your kids to grow up and do????

[deleted account]

Bahahahahaha My ex did the whole FB pass word test as well. 2 months later he moved out and was shacked up with a friend of mine. Good luck.


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Danielle - posted on 09/20/2013




See I was wanting to kno wat I should do if my husband is talking to other women like txtin them all the time like he spends all his time txtin a women and I came at him about the situation and he gets mad and tells me that sense he is in the music industry he needs to do that wat should I do or say about the situation I am so lost and confused he is the first guy I have ever been married to so im lost plz help????

Christy - posted on 05/09/2012




Listen.. if this person is just a friend like he says... He wouldn't be pushing you out of his life!! (like he is) If it was me I would have his stuff packed and setting out for him when he gets home from trucking school! sounds to me he is not welling to work on your marrage! And Im sorry to say but truckers are bad news ! my mothers x husband began to truck after 6 years of marrage and with in 4 months he was cheating and on drugs! and the marrage ended! not that it can't work for some, but my opionion not good!
wishing your luck with happiness!

Stifler's - posted on 05/07/2012




Really he doesn't sound like he's dong anything to regain your trust or stop cheating you need to quit while you're ahead. Get out of there.

Rosie - posted on 05/07/2012




Honestly, i don't think you can. He isn't being open with you, and isn't spending more of his attention on you than this other "friend". If he can't do that, i don't think your relationship is going to work. It sounds to me like he's cheating on you again, but without him being an open book it's not going to be known whether he is or not (unless he just comes out with it), and that just isn't going to work for you. You;ll be sitting there wondering the whole time he's gone what he's doing. Give an ultimatum about your need to know what is going on, and if he can't i say good riddens.

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