Help with boyfriends daughter and ex

[deleted account] ( 5 moms have responded )

Im 21 and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years, he has a daughter who is 5 who i have always thought i got along with. Up until last year his daughters mum (23) would make my life hell, constantly inboxing me and threatening me, i worked at a local nightclub and she would follow me around with her family in tow to taunt me.
My boyfriend has his daughter every friday & saturday, we try to do as much as we can with her, a few weeks back she came to our house with nits and the lotion in her bag, his daughter told me she had had them a week but her mum had not bothered to get rid of them.
The following week she came and the skin on the tips of her fingers was falling off, her mum again aware of this had done nothing, we took her to the hospital and they said she had had a dermatological reaction to something and we was given creams to apply, we sent the creams home with his daughter but when she cam the following friday she said her mum had not put the creams on.

This week has tipped the iceberg when her mum packed clothes to big for her so we had to go and collect more, i waited in the car with his daughter, when i saw her mum walk past i opened to door and said hello to be civil thinking she would want to say hello to her daughter.. i was wrong and she walked straight past the car.

His daughter went home and has apparently told her mum i called her a c**t (which as much as i dislike the mum is a word i would never use and would never bad mouth her infront of her daughter) i also got threats from this also.

My boyfriend has tried to sort it out but if he sticks up for me at all he is called a crap dad and said he isnt allowed to see his daughter.

Im sick of the hassle from it & wondered if anyone else had been in a similar situation and what they did.

Thank you

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/27/2015

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Lol, I don't know. I have had some attack me, harass me, then blame me and finally delete their accounts...who knows.

Sarah - posted on 07/27/2015

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Is it me? Why are so many accounts getting deleted when I post advice!

Sarah - posted on 07/27/2015

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She's probably pissed off and jealous. Sadly, not everyone acts like a grownup in a co-parenting situation. If the child says to you, "my mom says you are ...." Just say back; "that is sad and it hurts my feelings" and keep it short. If mom is really not meeting her needs and you goal is to have either full or 50/50 custody; then quietly document the incidents with photos, doctors notes and a calendar.
It would be wise to have a set visitation schedule, but legally mom can't keep her from dad at anytime. He has just as much right to parent her as her mother does. Filing for visitation may just fuel her anger, so if she keeps on allowing the child to visit when requested, maybe let it be for now.

[deleted account]

Thank you for the reply :)

There is no official visitation schedule in place but it has always been picking her up at lunch time on a friday when he finished work and taking her back around 4pm on saturday.
We are living with his mum at the minute so not in a position to get custody, we have already spoke about custody when we are in a better position but want to make sure we are able to provide for her the best we can.

Thanks for the suggestion of documenting everything i will start that now with everything i can remember.
Unsure if a restraining order against her would be very effective as she has a large family who would then cause problems.

Its so difficult being young & trying to do right by his child just wish we could figure out why she is lying as this is putting extra strain on the situation.

Sarah - posted on 07/27/2015

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Is there a set visitation schedule in place? If yes, then she can't keep your boyfriend from seeing his child. If no, then he needs to get an order in place pronto, is your boyfriend in a position to try to get custody? If that is something you and he'd would want, keep careful documentation of every incident that happens.
Unfortunately, if the situation is to remain the same, the best you can do is be the bigger person. Continue to care for this child and resist the urge to compare yourself to her mom or to speak about her mom around her (not saying you do this now). If she is truly harassing you, you can file a restraining order, but that may may tension even worse.

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