Help with husband and in-laws

Ola - posted on 10/12/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )





I hope I can get advice from you or even a point of view.

I have moved to the UK after I married. My husband is from the UK so he has his family around him, friends..etc

Right after we got married I noticed that he was a flirting man. Looks at women even if we are sitting at the same table. I spoke with him to explain how this hurts. And he would still do it.

I was having problems at work as well during this time and he was pressurizing me to stay in until I find another job. Between him and my work I fell for depression and was signed off for many weeks.

After that we decided to go for a baby and we have a lovely baby girl. It was then that was more apparent how of a " mommy's boy" he is. Calls his mom almost everyday (or emails) to tell her what we ate, what we bought, presents for my baby...etc. And of course we have to listen and take in consideration her opinions when she is saying " why do you need this, that's too much.." etc..

Few days ago I lost it and asked for divorce because there have been more things and I felt his mom has total power over him ( and she does). He panicked and agreed that we go to couples counselling (which i had requested before). We are almost finished with these sessions (5)

I'm now very afraid that he is not really fixing his behaviours because he believes they are wrong, but because he is afraid of the divorce thing.

His mom is a bully to another granddaughter from another divorced daughter in law and I can see her same pattern dealing with me and my daughter. She is also very sneaky so when I do face her with anything, she kinda of turns my father in law against my husband to scare him even more.

I'm thinking of just leaving rather than wasting my life with problems of such. At the same time, I'm very afraid they turn him against me and my daughter if we get divorce and they cut us out. I don't want this to happen to my daughter as I don't have any family here

any advice,,


Ariana - posted on 10/12/2012




What is your councellor saying about all of this? Is going to councelling being helpful at all? Maybe you need to find someone else if they aren't getting through to him.

I really don't think you should give up just yet, five sessions isn't that long, maybe he needs to hear from someone else or needs to have a longer amount of time to chance. You could always bring up with your councellor all of the things you are saying here. You could ask your husband, with the couples councellor, for some specific signs of change.

So ask him to limit phone calls/emails to his mom every other day and not to divulge every decision you make. Just some small steps that show he understand where you're coming from.

I really would continue councelling for a little bit longer before you decide to call it quits. If the relationship just cannot work, fine, but for your sake, his sake, and especially your daughters sake, you need to at least try to see if it is workable.

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