help with learning to be a stepmom

Janelle - posted on 11/27/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )




Well first of all my husband and I have been together for 9yrs. I knew him through my son's biological father who was an abuser of drugs and to me and my son with was just 3 months. When my relationship ended with him my son was 3 months after he beat me up so badly I still have the bruises on my lips and thigh. My husband already knew of my son and I never forced him to be the "dad." But they grew to bond like biological father and son. He has 3 kids from 2 relationships the oldest is 20 I have a good relationship with him no problems there since our first meeting 7 years ago. But the other 2 boy is 16 and girl is 14. These two are froma mmother who is a drug user and bad mother who's been in and oit of jail. The worst is I went to school with her and she was my bully since jr high yo high school. Well his 16 year old son doesn't like me at all, he moved in with us so fast. My husband didn't talk to me about it, I had no say at all. But he only stayed 3 months the longest 3 months. My husband tried his best on his own to get him in school and to be respectful. It never worked he threatened to burn my house down, told my son who was 4 at the time he was going to cut himself. So they court took him away. This was when he was 10. Now at 16 hes trying to come bac k. The girl doesn't like me at all she blames me for her parents not being together. How do I get the ccourage to be in their lives and tell my husband I don't want them living with us. I'm scared to go thru all that stress again. I don't want tolose my husband I prayed for him after the hell I went thru in the beginning and my son loves him sooooo much.


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Jodi - posted on 11/27/2014




Unfortunately, when you married your husband, you did so with the knowledge that he had two children. If you couldn't handle the idea of his children potentially living with you, you should never have married him, because that is what comes with marrying someone with children - for better or for worse, those children are his and will always be in his life and should always be welcome in his home. He shouldn't have to ask your permission before moving his minor children into his home. Just as you shouldn't have to ask permission for your children to live there.

Think about've been with your husband for 9 years, but at what point did you meet the children? Before he moved you in? After? That would make a huge difference in how they would view you and your son. I find it really sad that a child is clearly hurting (as demonstrated by his actions and words toward you and your son) and the solution is to get rid of him. Has anyone actually helped the child by getting him some professional help? He was 10 years old. That child was crying out in pain and yet he was rejected again!! That is soul destroying for a child.

Having said that, its too late now. Now you need to try and make it work. Consider family counselling. Consider counselling for the children (although if the boy didn't get that when he was younger, 16 can be incredibly difficult to get this started).

Michelle - posted on 11/27/2014




Wow, it sounds like everyone needs help. You should get some family counselling as all the children have been through so much.
Even if it's not the whole family, his children need it.

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