Help with my Autistic child!

Theresa - posted on 05/30/2015 ( no moms have responded yet )

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My oldest son is 3 years old. At 2 we took him to see a speech and hearing specialist because he did not talk. They believed he was autistic and told us to seek a behaviorist. We got the referral from our PED who also believed he was autistic. He is now 3 1/2 and we are self paying for speech therapy because he only has the speech capabilities of an 18 month old. I've been on the waiting list for behavioral evaluation for a year with no help in sight. My PEDs hands are tied.
I need some help, the speech therapy is helping but we are struggling to pay for it as it costs us about $400 a month for an hour a week! It is helping but only with his speech, his behavior problems are horrible.
He refuses to eat, living almost entirely on milk. Any food with sauce on it, wet, or squishy he won't touch, he will not eat meat at all, rarely will he eat fruit and only dry fruit such as apples, or dehydrated stuff. He will not sleep in his bed choosing the couch when he does pass out sometime around 1am, we tried letting him cry it out giving up after a week of him screaming for 4+ hours and then passing out on the floor, then wakes up around 5or 6am. He is in constant motion, running, jumping, climbing until he literally passes out. He does not play with toys except to stack them. He takes his clothes off and pees on the floor or worse. He screams for no reason. If he watches television (which is rare he doesn't stay focused) he wants to watch the same show over and over again.
He has a 1 1/2 year old brother who he is mean too, I cannot leave them alone for a moment, or he will slap, bite, pinch or throw things at.
We have tried time out, after an hour of me dragging him back to the time out chair he will just sit and scream. We tried grounding him to his room, he screams and slams himself into the door, he actually broke the door. We have had to remove everything from our living room that's not bolted down and any toy that's larger than 5 inches or he will use it to climb the island that separates my living room and kitchen and get into the kitchen. We had to padlock the refrigerator and bolt a large piece of plywood in the doorway to the kitchen to keep him out. His bedroom door also has to be locked fro the inside or he will get out in the middle of the night and tear up the house.
He spits a lot too and not saliva he takes a drink from his cup and spits it out or worse now he takes his brothers bottle or sippy an spits that. He loves his bath but refuses to let me brush his hair, I literally have to have a second person hold him down while I brush it and he screams. When I vacuum he screams and throws toys at me until I'm done.
All the while he is an extremely loving child, he wants me to hold him and kisses us a lot, he wants to be rocked frequently and coms running to greet you when you come home and kisses you goodbye when you leave.
Many people have told me that its my fault but I raise my nephew also who Is just 2 months younger and he is potty trained, goes to bed on his own, responds to time out, knows his ABCs, 123s colors and shapes. He behaves very well. I don't know what to do, am I crazy and just need to discipline him better?

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